Keeping engagement ring from ex

[Teakay]

My gf had a fairly destructive relationship with her ex that ended when he fought with her son and got her son arrested. She doesn't have a good word to say about him.

However she has kept his engagement ring and photos and doesn't want to get ride of them.

She left out stuff for me to put in the lift including her engagement album which was open. After seeing the 1st photo I couldnt help myself. Having previously said how she didn't want to get engaged to him I was shocked at how happy she looks and at why she would want to keep such intimate photos of someone that treated her so poorly. It also included photos of them on holiday at her favourite place where we have visited. Previously she had indicated she had only visited with her son and again it was hard to see her intimately kissing on the same beach we sit on.

She is usually pretty ruthless at throwing away stuff so it is shock she wants to keep this stuff from a time she has said was generally horrid.

She get jealous very easily but doesnt get it the other way - she even thought I was having an affair once with M&S as I had a text of special offers from Mand S!

Is it normal to want to keep engagement rings etc?

Am I being overly jealous in saying I don't want to holiday at that resort again?

[CantMoveOn]

I left mine when I left. I didn't want it, my mistake because he regifted it to the next girl.

[Teakay]

It seems strange to me when he left her with debt, almost got her son charged, cheated on her etc. Cannot help but feel there is a deeper reason for keeping it other than wanting to own more jewellery.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I think this is one where we cannot necessarily accurately tell you if it is "normal" or not. No two people are alike. There could be a deeper meaning to her keeping that stuff (like maybe part of her still wishes they could work) or it could mean nothing at all. She may not want to have anything to do with HIM... but maybe that doesn't change the fact that she appreciates whatever good memories they actually DID have. So, honestly, it could be completely nothing to worry about at all, or it could be a concern. We can't really know that.

I can tell you I, personally, consider it very cathartic to get rid of anything from an old relationship. PERSONALLY I see no reason to keep that kind of stuff. To me, once somebody has proven they are unworthy of their part in my life.... that generally means they are unworthy of ANY part in my life. Once I have hit that point, it isn't like seeing pictures of them or stuff that reminds me of them would upset me. Once I've moved on I've moved on. The point is just that I consider it almost like a symbolic sign of me being a better person for them being gone. I personally see no reason to keep things from a past relationship. Honestly, even if we did share some wonderful memories before things went bad, they are part of my past and I have no need of them in my present or future.

But, some people just feel differently about that. Some people hang onto those things, not out of weakness, but out of accepting that a particular relationship was good at the time.... but is over now. We really have no way to know which may be the case for her. Maybe there are good reasons she keeps those things that have nothing to do with her not be willing to let go yet. Or, maybe some part of her is still clinging to those old feelings. Even if she IS, even that may not be a big deal. Break-ups can be hard and often some part of you can still wish it could have worked even if the intellectual side of you knows you are better off without them.

Anyway, long story short (too late, I know. LOL!) I think this is one where it is a little too hard a call for any of us to make. But, I do wish you the absolute best luck in figuring it out. I hope you are able to determine whether you think she is committed enough to your relationship and has gotten over this old one. Good luck to you either way.

[Hooo!]

The question if you destroy fotos or a ring is not important
Are you committed to each other
Do you trust each other
Do you love each other
Where do you want to go and where/how do you want to be together