Originally Posted by
HeartIsAching
I am an abuser.
More accurately, I'm a recovering abuser. I know the signs the hard way now - I went to jail, plead guilty at my arraignment, and went to my court-ordered 52-week Domestic Violence Intervention class, my 16-week Parenting Without
Violence class and my 12-week substance abuse class, and I've learned better. It will take me a lifetime of effort to overcome the lifetime of training and habits I've already got, but it's worth it. I'm a better man now than I was a couple of years ago.
Violence IS done by both men and women, and not all violence is physical. Most in fact, is not. Screaming, throwing/breaking objects, punching walls, put-downs and so much more are all forms of violence and controlling behavior that are not physically hurtful to the other, but are still violent and unacceptable.
My last relationship was toxic. I had last hit another person when I was 16 - it was my younger brother, and I hurt him badly. I vowed that I'd never hit another person smaller than myself, and I didn't until I was 34. My ex and I were screaming at each other, and she hit me. Instead of picking up the phone, I hit her back. To make a long story short, she called the cops. Cops came out and they told us that we were both in danger of going to jail.
Fast forward 8 years - I went to jail. She will never take responsibility for her actions nor acknowledge that she has abusive behaviors, and that bothers me, as our son is growing up in that environment now.
I'm better now, and striving to be better every day.
Approximately 4 months into my DV classes, I had an epiphany - I REALLY DID need those classes. I had been feeling victimized, feeling like I didn't belong there, planning to put in my time and go my way. Suddenly I was motivated to learn, to do better, become better. Three months later, the love of my life called and told me she'd finally found the strength to free herself of her abusive ex
A year and a bit after I got convicted, the love of my life called me and told me she'd finally freed herself of her abusive ex, and I understood why I'd needed to learn better. I had a second shot at the woman I'd fallen in love with 20 years before, and I needed to learn things before I could have a healthy and happy relationship with her.
I'm glad I got arrested.