I got a text message from an old school friend saying she had her baby. This news gave me a sense of weirdness partially ‘am I missing out?’ and partially ‘I need to grow up.’ I spent my 20’s avoiding relationships, men and sex. Now in my 30’s I have a new lease of life, I enjoy sex and having a bf all of a sudden. A lot of my friends are cynical about men and relationships and the ones that aren’t cynical are happily married with kids. I am the only one left who doesn’t have a child btw. I just never thought I ever wanted to be with a man. I had a very controlling father who basically watched every move I made during my 20’s and had ways of giving and then taking to get what he wanted and then when I turned 30 he gave me my inheritance (something to do with tax I dunno) and I bought a house with a very small mortgage. I found my freedom. I moved out of home and was able to ignore dad and have fun till 5 am if I wanted. Now I feel like why is everyone getting their shit together? Why am I supposed to get my shit together? It’s quite daunting honestly. I have my new business running well now, I just broke even with potential but why now am I feeling this way, I kinda feel like I’m under some kind of social pressure but also internal pressure all of a sudden. I feel weird. I almost feel like crying and I really don’t know why and where that is coming from.