what are the intentions of my ex-gf ?

[sine925]

Me and my ex gf started dating in 2005. We went out for about 3.5 years, and she broke it off with me at the end of Feb. 2009. I tried so hard to get her back for about a month to the point where she basically said to leave her alone, and we shouldnt talk anymore. After much advice from my family/ friends I tried my hardest to move on, let her go, and get her out of my mind. Months went by and we had no contact. Then she started emailing me about a month and a half ago. The first email came on my birthday at the end of June. I didnt respond. She sent a second one mid July. The third one came about a week ago. Each email just said "hi how are you, havnt heard from you in a while, how have you been, blah blah" and on the third one she wrote, "please respond to this one". So I did.

Over a couple days we exchanged emails and ended up hanging out this past sunday at my place. She ended up staying the night, but nothing physical happened. It was very surreal, with back rubbing, hugs and cuddles and staying up until 2 AM talking. Before we went to sleep I tried to kiss her but she pulled back. I acted like no big deal. The next morning she emails me saying "Sorry I was nervous, but wanted to" Then she says she wants to stay again another night this week.

What the hell is going on here anyone? It can only be 1 of 3 things.... 1- she is looking for a friendship only (but I can rule this out im pretty positive) 2- she is not really sure what she wants (again I think this isnt the case) or 3) she wants to get back

Please help....

[Raze]

She's being a bitch. Take her ontop of the tallest building and let gravity do the rest. Put her in her place and just tell her she can't have you.

[sine925]

Half of me wants to do that and the other half wants to get back together with her so bad. What is going on here?

[carl1222]

why did she dump you?

[lostinconfusion]

there is a very high chance that she is just using you because she is lonely and is looking for attention. when you couldn't get over her, it was like a big ego boost, and now that you are no longer paying her attention, she might want to reel you back in just to make herself feel better. now i'm not saying this is a fact, but that's what it feels like to me. so my suggestion is before you put your heart on the line again, talk to her about what exactly she wants, what changed and why now she wants you back. and think hard if you really want to trust this person with your feelings again.

[sine925]

1) she was turning 21 in a month, I believe she wanted to go out with the girls, have fun etc without a bf. 2) I had lied one night about where I was at so that I didnt have to hear her shit.

[Graham Berkeley]

You still have a thing for her? Would you even take her back?

If so you gotta make things REAL clear for her.

Call her and give her the low down:
"Look if you want something from me you gotta say it. I'm not going to sit here and be your source of attention till you find another guy."

Then cut off all communication and she what she does. Her intentions will be clear then.

[sine925]

yall both said it perfect.... and yes I still have feelings for her very much so. In our 5 months apart I dated, hooked up, and met other girls but I havnt felt the same. I slowly progressed into being OK with the breakup and not having her in my life, but now seeing her, and her spending the night, cuddling, etc it would hurt so bad to hear she was just using me because shes lonely. So my other question is when she comes over again, do I tell her these things? Do I not have sex with her?

[Raze]

NONONNONONONOONONONONNONONONONONONNONONONONNONONO Thousand times NO

No means NO

[sine925]

OH and also... one of my close guy friends told me to not bring up anything serious when she comes over... for example dont start talking about getting back together or pressuring her for an answer. He said there is nothing finite right now and searching for an answer from her by questioning her intentions isnt my best strategy, he said just hang with her, have a good time and I will know. But at the same time I dont want to get my hopes up by spending this time with her, maybe even having sex to find out something I dont want to hear. Maybe she will bring these things up? But what if she doesnt..... very confused.

[Doc Durian]

Don't sleep with her yet. Tell her you want to take it slow. Go out on dates, spend time together, but don't give in to whatever she wants till you can work out what that is.

[sine925]

ok so no sex... what if she doesnt bring up anything about working on the relationship (which is what I want to hear), do I bring it up or no? If not what is the point of all this...

[Doc Durian]

Give it the standard amount of time for new relationships (what's that, about 4-8 weeks? You'll have to decide what that should be in your case.) before you bring up anything serious. If she does it beforehand, tell her that you two are getting to know one another again and that there's plenty of time in the future to talk about serious business but for the moment, you're enjoying one anothers company and seeing how things go.

If she presses it, explain to her that you're not prepared to jump into the situation after nearly half a year of being broken up with.

Don't let her dictate how it should go. She left you. She came back to you. The decision and how that evolves is your perogative. If she can't handle that, she should split.

[Cbrider]

why did she dump you?

As Carl would say, we can't play if we can't see the ball.

1) she was turning 21 in a month, I believe she wanted to go out with the girls, have fun etc without a bf. 2) I had lied one night about where I was at so that I didnt have to hear her shit.

So you lied to her, hope you learned something there. Yes 21 is a new door, but I think you put the match to the gas with a lie.

Don't sleep with her yet. Tell her you want to take it slow. Go out on dates, spend time together, but don't give in to whatever she wants till you can work out what that is.

Doc is right, but am I the only one who doesn't see a victim here?

You did lie to her, she didn't cheat on you or give you reason to not trust her. If she's coming back and you want her, you're one lucky guy because I think what happened fell into your hands for the most part. Stick to your guns, but look at it from both sides of the table. I actually think its a good sign that she pulled back, it shows that she isn't jumping on you because she is needy.

[Raze]

Half of me wants to do that and the other half wants to get back together with her so bad. What is going on here?

Because you are thinking with your ****ing penis. Put it back in your pants and use your brain.