Need some help, big time.

[bowtech]

Ok, I know I'm gonna get some greif over this but, hope to get some advice.
I've been married for 8 years and resantly reconnected with my ex wife and found that there are still sparks with her. Now I'm at a y in the road and don't know which way to go.
Yes I love my currant wife but, god, not like the love the ex and I had. The reason the first marriage didn't last is because we were to young. We married at 18 and 17 and it still lasted for 5 years.
My marriage now is just going threw the motions and I'd love to have excitement again. '
Well ask questions of me if you like! Hope to get some advice!

Thanks.

[carl1222]

Are there kids involved?

[bowtech]

No kids from either marriage. I'd love to have kids and a family and my ex has 3 children now and thats another thing that makes it hard, I want kids.

[ecojeanne]

is your ex wife with someone?

[bowtech]

No she's not.

[ecojeanne]

then thats a real shame, coz your wife abviously will be shocked when you tell her. are you sure you're not just lusting after an old idea of what used to be? it may not be the same at all once you leave your wife; and then there is the problem of her children. if she is sensible she won't let you meet them for a long time and then only gradually. this means it won't be a relaxed relationship from the start. it may take up to a year for her to start integrating you into her family.

and if the shoe doesn't fit, you will have broken your current wife's heart and maybe the children's hearts aswell

i'm just giving you the possibilities here

are you sure your current wife doesn't fulfill everything for you?

are you sure about your ex?

[Indignant]

i'd say go for it since there are no kids involved....but....since your ex has kids and you might one day dump her for some other "spark", and then you would be hurting 4 people. stay away from her then and find someone single.

[carl1222]

I guess I should have asked this before ... how long have you and your ex been "reconnected"? Have you been cheating on your wife with your ex?

You're kind of in a tough spot because all of the feelings you have for your ex are questionable. You and your wife of eight years have allowed your marriage to stagnate. You are now comparing your excitement for your new relationship with your ex with a marriage that's "going through the motions" right now." Not really a fair comparison.

Also remember, as Jeanne suggested, that your rekindled feelings for your ex may be influenced by fond memories of the exciting part of a relationship that ended ... what, 10 years ago? If you and your ex have grown over the past 10 years, you are completely different people than you were when you were together. So if your feelings for your ex are basically the same as when you were together back in the '90s, I wouldn't trust that lasting for long if you do get back together.

I would do a lot of soul searching ... an eight year marriage is worth working on. It may be a fair statement that your first marriage failed because of your youth. You can't say that any more!

Carl.

[bowtech]

I see I left alot of stuff out, sorrry!
My currant wife know's about my ex and that her and I talk, even that I have feelings for my ex. We talk about it daily.
The ex's children have meet me and like me. The 2 oldest know that there mom and I use to be together and they ask why we aren't now cause we are so happy together.
My currant wife is great in some ways, but we never just sit anf talk for hours or have passionate love. Not now or really ever. I do worry about hurting my wife if i leave and I worry about hurting the ex if I don't go to her, since I was the one that popped back into her life.

[ecojeanne]

you've already met the children, so am i to assume that if you left your wife and went to to your ex that you would be taking on the role of the father figure in their lives almost immediately?

[bowtech]

As much as I could. I wouldn't push myself on the children as dad, I'd let them and the ex set the pase for that.

[Indignant]

what a mess....men are so selfish....

[ecojeanne]

lol indig

bowtech your ex is irresponsible if she lets you take on this role. you are also irresponsible or naive if you think this will be easy, it won't. when children are involved there needs to be a great amount of care and respect for their feelings and needs.

imo this is not a good idea coz you are both just trying to jump in the deep end and someone is going to drown.

[Indignant]

it's an impulsive decision where a man thinks with his penis. as soon as the passion fades 3-24 months, he'll be in need of a new candidate.

[bowtech]

Sorry you see it that way. I just know that my wife and I now are just going threw the motions. I feel she would or could find more love if I went back to my ex. Aren't people supposed to try and be happy, I mean truly happy? I just wondering if were not that way after 8 years are we ever going to be?