My boyfriend of a year and a half has just informed me that he is not happy with his life. Everything he is saying just sounds like a mid life crisis and he's only 25.
We've been on the rocks trying to work some things out for a while, having a bunch of massive outside problems putting strain on our relationship since about 2 months in.
We got together quick, I just got out of a relationship and he just got out of a marriage. We knew each other for a long time, since hs and re connected 6 years later. I was vulnerable and so was he, he had just gotten out of the military and been deployed as infantry 3 times and came back to a divorce from a loveless marriage. I knew he needed time, and I needed time but he insisted I'm what he wanted , what he always wanted since hs and I fell for him.
We were getting serious quickly, and I began aform of birth control that lasts 3 years. It killed my libido and affected my already erratic moods . We've dealt with a car accident, a lost job, him having full time school and work , and him supporting me all within the first 4 months of us being together.
He got a job in another state and I decided to throw caution in the wind and go with him, leaving behind friends and some family.
We got a too expensive apartment and we're constantly struggling. But we managed to stay together because we loved each other and wanted it to work.
Recently he has decided he cant handle it anymore. He feels trapped, That he has to find himself again, focus on his finances and finally catch up from the divorce and do this alone. He's telling me it's not that he doesn't wanna be with me in particular, but ANYONE. He wants to work on himself.
He is not opposed to getting together again in the next year, but he needs time to decide if that's what's right since we've both been unhappy.
Because of this decision I've had to quit my job, pack my things and move 300 miles away to live with my parents. He offered me to stay platonically, but he was becoming so ditached and distant it was tearing me to shreds the only 3 days was there. He seemed upset that I wanted to leave, and I don't fully understand why.
After I made the choice to leave he was still walking around in his boxers, showering with the door open , we were sleeping together in the same bed and he wanted to watch movies and play video games together. Like he didn't understand the gravity of what he was asking me to do, of what he had done.
The night before I left we had shared relations, and just held each other telling one another how we love each other. I felt like he was truly confused on what he wanted.
The day I left we had packed his truck and driven 5 hours having a relatively good drive together.. trying to make the most of the time .
We arrived at my parents house and unloaded, upon our goodbyes he and I cried in each other's arms and he told me he doesn't know if he's doing the right thing.
I asked him to get help (therapy) like he promised, and to please get better and come back home to me. I requested he keep me updated on where he was because it was very late and very snowy by the time he was on his way back.
He drove off and called and text me 2 times just telling me about the weather conditions and how "you should definitely get chains for your tires little lady". It just seemed like he needed a reason to call me.
The next day he wasted no time in removing my relationship status on facebook, but he kept it private so no one would know. That hurt me deep.
He messaged me about something funny I should look up, but when I replied I was busy he took it badly and he hasn't opened the lines of communication since then.
I've been an absolute mess trying to figure out what to do. I've called him once, and got vm. He called me back later (to my surprise) and we talked for three minutes. He mentioned how snowy it is where we were and I said yea I've seen it, i wanted to make sure you were ok but I figured you didn't wanna hear it... and he said something like "no no, go ahead" and I told him thank you for calling me back I really appreciate it (it was about some unresolved apartment issues) and he said of course! he's going to bed now, goodnight"
He didn't seem as distant as he was , which gave me more hope.
I've talked to his mom since this whole thing and they are so confused, they know he loves and cares about me and don't understand why he's acting this way. Everyone is telling me to play hard to get and just focus on me, but I can't because I'm afraid to lose him, if I haven't already. I'm afraid the more space he gets the more I'm out of sight out of mind and he will forget about me. That the easy way is just to not deal with this,but to erase it from his mind. I told him I'd wait 6 months for him. But at this point it's been a week since the break up and 4 days since he moved me out. I wanna ask him what his choice is, but he might feel trapped by it and lash out. Am I right for giving him time?