I'll admit it, after what my ex gf did to me after 6 damn years together, everything in my head was saying "what are you f*cking crazy to still want this girl back?", but my heart just wouldnt and couldnt let go. Well now that its been almost half a year since the initial "time apart" speach, and 5 months of confusion, misery and heartbreak, its easier for me to look back on what happened from an outsiders point of view with clear eyes. And right now i have nothing but anger and resentment towards her for what happened. Is this normal? I dont want it to be this way. I've always wanted to at least be on speaking terms with an ex girlfriend, maybe even still be friends, especially after a 6 year relationship. But to be honest i simply cant do that with her, at least not right now. And i was finally feeling pretty good about things for a change..now i've got things on the brain again
I saw her sister at the bar Saturday night for the first time since we split up. Of course she hugged me a million times and kissed me on the cheek and said how much she and the family misses me, and that i was like a brother to her and i was practically part of the family. She told me how upset her family was about everything, since they loved me and wanted me and my ex to be together (they hated the new guy my ex started dating). Numerous times throughout the night she asked "are you OK?" (i guess meaning about the break-up), to which every time i answered that i'm fine. Not once did i talk about my ex or the break up, i just acted like nothing ever happened.
But really i'm not ok about it. I'm angry (furious!), resentful and hurt all at the same time. Hearing her sister ask if i'm ok, knowing that i took the break up hard, just made me that much more pissed off (not mad at the sister; she was nothing but sweet). I'm mad at my ex and the fact that after 6 years together, she broke up with me, immediately got with another guy, and turned it around on me saying that i ruined the relationship. She brought up all kinds of stuff that she was unhappy with and tried to make me look like the bad guy, just so she could make herself feel better about practically cheating on me. F*ck her. For the last 5 months she's tried to leave have her cake and eat it too, never saying anything that would burn the bridge with me. She has convincingly lied to me about things, and did it in a devious way for her own agenda. After a quarter of our lives together and this is how she treats me? F*ck her. It would be one thing if we werent a serious couple. But we were more than serious. We were everything in each other's lives. I put 110% of myself into being with that girl. We were practically married and we shared the same life together, friends and family, our spare time, everything. I never met someone who i loved so much and who i could open up and let in, she was the most important presence in my life. And this is how she ends it after all that? She put me in a horrible position. I'm resentful just because i am now stuck being heartbroken over a girl who has forced me to not be able to ever be happy with again. I want my damn life back.
Am i justified for feeling this way? I dont want to respond back to her email. I dont want to be a part of her life, period. i cant. Ignoring her is the only satisfaction i will get. Should i write her back saying how angry and resentful i am towards her, and that i dont want to be a part of her life? My gut instinct is telling me not to, because i could say some mean things. And it just shows her that i am still hurt and not over her.
I'll be honest, i realize that people do fall out of love and become interested in someone else. It happens. But that doesnt make it any easier when it happens to YOU. Dont get me wrong, I ask myself how i would have wanted it to happen that would have made things OK between us, yet i cant think of anything. All i want is the truth. I at least deserve that.