My heart is confused and slighty broken!

[DUKE546]

Well to start off I had a girl friend for about 4 months and then I broke up with her because she had major emotional problems. (not even going to get into that long story)

Anyway, now I am in love (well I wouldn't say completely in love) with this other girl and she make my heart melt every time I look or talk to her. She was in one of my classes but I got switched out. So now I can't see her hardly at all. I have been having dreams about her every night, not naughty dreams just a dream where I am happy to be just sitting with her doing nothing at all. I walk by her locker everyday just to catch a peak at her. She is very hard to read one day she will talk to me none stop and call me cute and other days she says nothing to me. My heart beats faster and faster just thinking about her. but... and a large BUT, she has a boyfriend! Now they have been going out for at least 7 months but I have no idea how serious they are and how happy she is with him. I can't ask her or her friends because then she will know I am into her and I don't want things to get weird between us. Her boy friend is a year ahead of us and he will be going to collage soon, so I was thinking maybe thier relationship wouldn't last.


Any advice would be great!

[carl1222]

One piece of universal advice, Duke, is that it's never OK to try to intrude on someone's existing relationship uninvited.

First of all, happy relationships are hard enough without having an outsider trying to force a wedge between them.

Second, even if you succeed, you will have failed because it only works with someone inclined to cheat rather than make an existing relationship work. Remember, you will be the "boyfriend" getting cheated on next time.

Sure, it sucks to develop feelings for someone who is not available to return them, but it's far better than to be the guy who tried to throw the H-bomb into her relationship.

If she breaks up without ANY encouragement or show of interest from you, then fine ... go for it. Otherwise, back off.

Word of caution though ... it's not a good idea to immediately pursue her after her breakup. You will quickly learn the risks and heartache of being a rebound boyfriend.

Carl.

[DUKE546]

I guess I should of worded it differently but yeah I would never want to be the reason for a relationship to fail and would never want to do that to her. If she is really in to him I guess I am SOL. The only thing I can do I guess is sit back and just be friends with her so if that one day were to occur then I would have a better chance of dating her.

And your absolutly right, I would never try to move in right after a break up.

[carl1222]

I guess I should of worded it differently but yeah I would never want to be the reason for a relationship to fail and would never want to do that to her. If she is really in to him I guess I am SOL. The only thing I can do I guess is sit back and just be friends with her so if that one day were to occur then I would have a better chance of dating her.

And your absolutly right, I would never try to move in right after a break up.

I think your outlook is spectacular and very mature for your age.

Just always keep in mind that as friends, you should be careful not to let her know you might be her fallback.

Also, don't get fixated on the possibility that she might be available sometime in the future. This would cause you miss even better opportunities with other girls should they present themselves.

Good luck

Carl.

[DUKE546]

Thanks man, you have been a big help and giving me some more stuff to think about.

[Spring Haze]

Consider distancing yourself a bit. Being too friendly can land you in the friend zone.

[Cbrider]

I guess I should of worded it differently but yeah I would never want to be the reason for a relationship to fail and would never want to do that to her. If she is really in to him I guess I am SOL. The only thing I can do I guess is sit back and just be friends with her so if that one day were to occur then I would have a better chance of dating her.

And your absolutly right, I would never try to move in right after a break up.

I have a HUGE amount of respect for a man that can say this. Intruding on an existing relationship IS wrong and like Carl said, if she does it once, she will do it again 99% of the time.

Carl's though process parallels mine, listen to him

[DUKE546]

Thanks for the help guys, it's help me though the last couple of days.

And spring haze the friend zone is not a happy place for me, good tip.