Promises promises?

[Majanich]

So I have been seeing my boyfriend for quite some time now, and he is still quite hung up on the past and the promises that I have broke, and now he has major trust issues with me. Just a recap of some of the promises I've broken:

1) I promised I would spend Christmas with him, but this was before I found out my brother (who I hadn't seen in over 7 months) was coming to visit.
2) I promised I would get him this one CD. That was before I found out is was $70, and I think that is a little bit too much for a CD...
3) I promised I would let him open my door for me (he is very into chivalry) and he gets all upset when I open my own door.

And those are really the worst promises I have ever broken. True I shouldn't make a promise if I don't know if I can keep it. But still... I don't think it's fair for him to become that upset about these. He really doesn't trust me anymore because of these and I want to fix it.

I need help with dealing with him not trusting me, because it is just getting too ridiculous. Advice?

[devonbrown]

If your boyfriend is having major trust issues towards you based on these things, it is possible that maybe he is just transferring his own thoughts onto you. He may be trying to push you to arm's length so he doesn't get hurt. Or maybe he is setting a rationale for doing something that is untrustworthy himself.

1) I promised I would spend Christmas with him, but this was before I found out my brother (who I hadn't seen in over 7 months) was coming to visit.
2) I promised I would get him this one CD. That was before I found out is was $70, and I think that is a little bit too much for a CD...
3) I promised I would let him open my door for me (he is very into chivalry) and he gets all upset when I open my own door.

#1 - He is upset about because he thinks you chose your brother over him. Which you did. That is okay, but you have to try to make him understand why you did it. Explain what family means to you and that you want things to work out because you want him to be part of your family in the future.
#2 - Did you not get the CD because you don't have the money or because you have a moral objection to spending that much on a CD? If it is the first, let him know that money is too tight for you to do that and you would rather spend that money on several dinners with him or something. If it is the second, tell him that you oppose the pricing of the CD on general principle. But if you promised him you would get it, he is basically thinking that you don't think his happiness is worth $70. You have to try to change that thought-process for him.
#3 - Chivalry is all well and good, but buy him a calendar. Let him know that you are your own person and that is why he likes you. If he just wanted someone to open doors for, etc. he could buy a doll. But you are a real, flesh-and-bone woman and you are able to do some things on your own. Let him know it isn't a slight against him if you want to do something yourself.

When you talk to him about these things though, try to stay calm and keep from calling him a distrustful jerk. Just try to remember the emotions he is feeling behind these issues, not just the issues themselves.

Good luck.