Cheating vs. fear of being cheated on

[dev664]

Do you think that most people who have a deep fear of being cheated on wouldn't cheat? Or could someone not have a problem cheating even if they would be deeply hurt if they were cheated on?

Also, as a second question, what do you think are some early signs of a potential cheater (perhaps from experience)? Is it possible to tell if someone would cheat before getting to know them personally?

[Ellynn]

To answer your first question, I think people who were cheated on would be less likely to cheat. Especially if they were deeply hurt. Its rare, but sometimes they go to the extreme and get bitter and choose to never get attached again. Therefore they don't commit to a relationship like they once did. But honestly I think thats rare. I think more then likely, they become disgusted with cheaters and vow never to do that to someone they are with.

As for telling if a person is a cheater before actually knowing them, thats a tough one. I know I tend to check out if a guy is super flirty with multiple women. Honestly, those are the kinds of guys I steer clear of. But, even the most seemingly sincere guys can have a moment of weakness and cheat. I guess with those types of guys, its just a risk you have to be willing to take and just hope it never happens. I never suspected my ex was a cheater, but he ended up cheating on me. I learned the hard way, and he wasn't that big of a flirt.

[Gigabitch]

I don't know how deep a fear you're talking about, here. Are we talking obssession? Pulverizing, paralyzing fear? Or just the natural, "God, that would really suck" kind of thing?

I, myself, am just not a cheater by nature. Even when I was really unhappily married, I didn't take any of the multiple offers I got and I ended it with my husband before I got together with someone else.

This, I think, actually makes me more confident about my current relationship- yes, I have the fears anyone would have about cheating, but the fact that I would never do it to him makes it easier to believe he wouldn't do it to me.