Moment of weakness , i need support .

[Late_vamp]

this is me having a moment of weakness , i dont know if you have ever felt like this but the way i am feeling now can be described as " i feel as if everybody that i know is doing better than me , somehow they managed to leave me at last place in the race of life ."

i see people i used to know , how they change , no , how they evolve . i look at myself , i feel so old , unchanged , as if i was a picture . I feel as if im being left behind and everybody's life is so much better than mine , i feel like shit .

my self esteem has somewhat lowered , all this happened today , it has been gradually decreasing in the past few months but today it was a big blow to me. I have tried to deny this in the past few months , **** it , even years , since i was 16 i havent made alot of progress in myself , physically and mentally , (no im not some immature adult that cant lift 100 pounds ) ... im turning 19 soon , shit i should be getting out of college but im not even in it yet .

I think its because i have been to busy with other things in life , like Girlfriends and jobs ... i knew i never should have given up my training , now i tried so hard today to train , it lasted 45 mins , i remember a time when i used to spend 3 hours lifting weights like a maniac , i used to be able to bench 200 pounds , now i cant even lift 150 ... and i was 14 when i did that .

its lack of motivation , lack of self esteem , i want to get these things back , i need to check back in my life , give myself a reality check , i havent accoplished shit i tought i was going to , im getting lazyer every year , well REALLY i need to get my ass up in gear before its too late .

listen all LF members . i really need some support here , some words of motivation , some advice , anything , if you could reach out of that screen maybe a good push behind the back and a smack at my back . i need inspiration , i need to get that drive back in my life , that thirst that can never be quenched in life .that workaholic attitude . i used to have that , where did it go ?

i feel like those birds that know they can fly , but all they need is sometimes a little push and up they go , i know what i need to do , i know i can do it but i just need this goal that i will want like crazy , it cant be imaginary , it has to be real or i wont fall for it , man back then i used to want girls so badly that i worked my ass off thinking t hat it would make them want me , now that i have them and i dont even do half of the effort i used to , i gave up that idea , i need something , not work , i know all ihave to do is show up and there is my check .

**** i hate this , i feel so weak and useless , i need to be that man/guy/kid that most people look up to sometimes ,that guy that used to have such enthusiasm and now i all broken down in some alley drinking his life away ( i have been drinking alot in these past few weeks )

ok i need help . really . i am lowering my ego by asking this but i really need this , im the type of guy that would hide a problem if its embarassing , dudes , ladies , old wise guys , youngins , lift me up with some words of hope .

ps : i did not know where to post this so i put it in Dumping section .
im going backwards instead of forward , instead of example : going out more often , i stay in and i actually started watching tv shows , actually dvd shows but , i havent done that since i was like 15 ... i feel so strange . as if im killing precious time . but im also unemployed and no school till february .

[gHEXjt]

Why don't you take up some new activity...maybe something you've always wanted to do but for some reason have never gotten around to. When I was feeling down last year, I took up guitar, which I'd wanted to for so long. The time that I was wasting before turned into me playing guitar for hours everyday, and just made me feel like I was accomplishing something, even though it was solely for my own personal enjoyment.

[misombra]

i'm sorry vamp. hex has a good idea. take up a hobby or something. i remember being really depressed when i was your age. i spent 19-22 in probably the worst space i've been in as of yet. but now it seems like so long ago since then. focus on what you have accomplished. others will do better than you and others will do worse, it's just a fact of life.

keep your head up lv. everything will be okay.

[shh!]

The best way to boost your self esteem is to be proactive, and you have too much time on your hands. Find something to do that will benefit someone else; that will make you feel better about yourself. People who are needed by others rarely feel like losers.

Chin up, sweety. This is a normal phase of life. You just need some purpose.

[Late_vamp]

well i can tell you one thing , i restarted working out , its only been 1 day but i felt as if i needed to do this , its been so long since i did this , this sweet pain on my abs and arms , i missed it so much . i will try to get a membership to my nearest YMCA ... i have never been there in my LIFE , but ppl keep saying its good there , so ill give it a shot at the beginning of next month , until then i have to find a part-time job and keep up the workout .

i still feel like crap tho , i cant believe i stayed home for the past 3 days . i got absolutly nothing to do . its cold as **** outside , if it wasnt i would go running , iv been watching sopranos dvds for the past 3 days , eating sleeping , and i cant believe i did this , but i actually went on my msn and spent hours there talking to some friends ... what am i changing on to ?!?!

thx to all who have posted , it kind of helped a little , but i wanna hear more .

[Tone]

Listen LV, I know how you're feeling. I felt this way just a few months ago. (Remember my thread "Frustration Frustration Frustration" ? - check it out might help you)

There isn't much I can add to what everyone said but I will say a few things that helped me. You just have to realize that if you want things to change in your life, only YOU can make that happen. Realize that every morning you wake up with the greatest gift in life - choice. You can choose how you want your day to go. Do you want the grandpa in front of you driving 20 miles per hour in a 40 mph zone to get you riled up and ruin your day? Or do you want to just take a deep breath, relax, and realize you're going to get to where you're going just the same and not let it bother you.

If you're not happy with how your life is, YOU have the CHOICE to change things. A lot of your same frustrations were my own! So I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself, and realized I'm the only one who can change things, so get off your ass and change them. Set a workout schedule (sounds like you're already on this) and STICK TO IT - go out and find yourself another job, will help keep you busy, earn some money, and make you feel like you're DOING something with yourself.. and lastly GET IN SCHOOL - you return in February? Well good. And don't worry about being older goin back - I'm 23 and I'm starting Uni in the summer (if I pass ****ING ALGEBRA **** YOU ALGEBRA YOU ****IN PIEC... sorry *control Tone.. control*) and I won't be out until I'm at least 26 or 27. Sucks to be me, right?

But hey - the point is - it's your life. Make it what you want, and make it count.

[Asip4u]

Lv, you have to realize that happiness for everyone isn't the same. Don't look at what others have accomplished, instead, look at what YOU want from life. Having a lot of money means nothing if you're not happy (i know certain people will disagree). Im in my mid 20's and still don't have a clue where things are going and where i want to be..The things is, i'm pretty happy the way things are going. I'm slowly taking classes and working so i am secure financially when i'm old and can't move. All this, while having FUN and LIVING.

The fact is, sometimes planning ahead and having a major goal can only end up dissappointing at the end. How? Either you change your mind along the way or near the end or something happens along the way so you don't even accomplish what you wanted. A friend of mine who became an engineer said this to me few days ago.. "i was doing something just because i wanted to be rich so bad and thought it would make me happy yet i'm still as miserable as before" Why? because he was totally doing it for the wrong reasons. If it isn't in you, don't do something because so many others are doing it. If it makes them happy, it doesn't mean it wil lmake you happy too. Slowly, take your time to secure your future by taking some courses and investing...In the mean time, go out and LIVE. You're still very young so whatever makes you happy, go and do it!

[Late_vamp]

well for now my objectives are kind of simple , to finish my classes so i can access college

im about 50% done already , and i was slacking before , so if i apply myself to my studies seriously i might finish by the end of march , just in time after i turn 19 .

i also want to get my body back in athlete shape, i used to have an 8 pack , now i want it back , no not a 6 , an 8 pack , it will take some hard work . altho im not fat , i also want to get my built arms back , i know i look alright now but with those around ill look/feel alot better about myself .

i have to get my drivers liscense , i havent been able to get it because everytime i call they say they are having technical problems and i get pissed and dont try calling until months after ... so iv been driving for years without papers .

simple things like finding myself a part-time job for now ,and when im done with school ... ill have about 6 months without school , so it will all be about fulltime , hopefully in a good place thats stable .

after having done all the above i want to find myself a Girlfriend , probably someone whos looking for long-term ... if i get one before it might screw up my plans just like my ex did (because of her i used to skip class , wich in return got me kicked out , then i screwed up work because it was the only time i had to see her ... i was really in need of a GF back then ... i used to miss my ex so much ) ... well now thats over and i can handle being single for more than 2-3 months ... if feels a bit weird being single after nearly 3 years of having girlfriends ...

so now its MY time , time to IMPROVE , time to upgrade my old ways into fresh new ones .

no distractions , and it will be just in time for when i move out also , (im moving probably this summer or during spring ) ... so i want to finish all this in 6 months or less .

the clock is ticking . My muscles are burning and i see them growing (its crazy how a small amount of workout days can do to you , but i cant give up ) ... my brain is racing with all these books im trying to catch up . I feel hope .

[Rosebud]

Well good, LV.. I'm glad you have a plan of action. Now all you have to do is stick to it and you should be good to go!

[indigosoul]

I'm 23 and I'm starting Uni in the summer (if I pass ****ING ALGEBRA **** YOU ALGEBRA YOU ****IN PIEC... sorry *control Tone.. control*) and I won't be out until I'm at least 26 or 27. Sucks to be me, right?

Online, free tutor to help w/the algebra word problems...

[url]http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~neil/[/url]

Hex, how's the weather been where you are??? Its been crappy here for months (almost a new record for continuous days w/rain!). Ppl are ready to kill each other/jump off a bridge.

This may sound weird, but try SUN. Go for a 20 minute tan (a reputatable place). The light actually helps lift depression so you can THINK again...