Making female friends when you already have a girlfriend

[Charlie Boy II]

I'd like to get some people's opinion on something,

Lately I've started to become good friends with a girl I met fairly recently through friends. She's a cool chick, lots of spunk, good fun and I have to admit, she's also very attractive. I haven't known her that long but we hit it off straight away, and I already feel like I've known her for a long time. She's talking about coming to meet me in Europe next year and we'd go travelling together for a while. That'd be great.

Anyway, as some of you might know, I have a girlfriend whom I'm very, very happy with. At times I've felt a bit funny about striking up a new female friend when I already have a girlfriend. For example, this new girl, Katrina, has asked me to do things like meet her and her friends for a drink or go to the beach. Always framed in a very platonic way and usually referring to "us" instead of her, like "hey kid, we're down at the beach, let us know if you're around". But other than meeting up a couple of times when we both happened to be out, I haven't taken her up on any of her invites, just because it feels a bit wrong.

Anyways what's your guys take on this? One of the things I hate about relationships is that it tends to close you off from meeting new peope. I genuinely think katrina and I could be really good friends, even if she had a face like a smashed crab, but she doesn't. If I'm totally honest with myself, she's the sort of chick that I would go for if i was single.

So what do you think?

[Junket]

Well, you're breakin' up with your girlfriend when you're in Europe anyway, right?

Don't burn your bridges is what I say.

[vashti]

If you care about your girlfriend's feelings, I would avoid meeting up with this girl while alone until you are single. Otherwise, you will be burning a bridge with your girlfriend, and you may regret it later.

Can't you guys hang out with your girlfriend?

[DoesntMatter]

I genuinely think katrina and I could be really good friends, even if she had a face like a smashed crab, but she doesn't.

I actually laughed out loud pretty hard at that.

But seriously? I have no clue. I think going on a trip to Europe by yourself with Katrina would be pushing things by any measure with your girlfriend. I have a hunch your girlfriend would view this girl as a threat, however, considering your very positive review of this girl.

Other than that I don't see anything wrong in going to the beach or whatever with Katrina. A lot of people I know have very good friends of the opposite sex they do a lot of stuff with even while they are in relationships.

I know what you mean though by saying she's a cool chick that you want to hang out with. I personally have a soft spot for funny girls and tend to gravitate towards them when I'm in a room.

[Charlie Boy II]

Nah I'll be single when I'm in Europe so it'll be a whole other kettle of fish.

I think deep down I'm uncomfortable because I'm questioning my own motives. It's hard when you've got a set time-limit on your current relationship.

I've got other female friends but they were around long before my girlfriend and they're no problem.

[Junket]

Katrina...sorry all that name reminds me of anymore is the hurricane.

She might be trouble.

[Charlie Boy II]

p.s. You like that smashed crab line? That's goold old Aussie slang!

Couple of similar ones:

- face like a dropped pie
- face like a half-sucked mango
- face like a bag full of nails

[Charlie Boy II]

Katrina...sorry all that name reminds me of anymore is the hurricane.

She might be trouble.

I made that name up. Might've been a freudian slip.

[miSSleepy]

You're Aussie Charlie Boy? (<--- that face looks Asian)

Anyway, I think you should give this girl a go, friend-wise that is, but only if you're honest with your girlfriend. If Katrina asks you to go to the beach etc, take your gf along, or at least tell her where you're going and see if she's ok with that. Things can get sour much faster and easier if you do it without her knowing, even if it's innocent.

I myself would want my bf to do this, and have done the same for my bf when i get asked to go somewhere with other guys. That, and I have a guy friend who is the equivlant of Katrina .

[vashti]

I think deep down I'm uncomfortable because I'm questioning my own motives. .

I'm questioning hers, too. I've seen your picture.

[miSSleepy]

I'm questioning hers, too. I've seen your picture.

lemme see lemme see lemme see

[Charlie Boy II]

I'm questioning hers, too. I've seen your picture.

haha thanks Vashti. Yes, I think that there is some chemistry there and I wouldn't be suprised if she did harbour some kind of romantic interest. But I don't think she's white anting.

Realistically this sort of thing's bound to crop up from time to time in any relationship. Normally I'd just starve the connection of oxygen and move on, but it's just that I really would like this girl as a friend. Especially if she's going to come travelling with me. She'd be a perfect travel companion.

p.s. Missleepy, whereabouts in Aus are you? I'm from Sydney.

[ewomack]

Since you posted this I assume you have some ulterior motives... if it were really "just friends" and no tension existed whatsoever then it probably wouldn't be postworthy. I have had dozens of girlfriend, who were just friends, outside of relationships and it has never caused serious tension in my intimate relationships (or at least it was never spoken of if it did). Transparency is the key. Not being sneaky helps, too.

[misombra]

if i were your girlfriend i wouldn't be happy about that at all.

[Gigabitch]

There are certain people I simply can't be "friends" with right now because I'm involved with someone.

There's a guy who is a client of ours where I work, and last summer we were very friendly. Beyond friendly. Nothing ever actually happened between us, but I think we really enjoyed one another's company, and he used to come by my office at least three times more often than he really needed to, and the chemistry was definitely there.

I still see him occasionally at my office, but at this point I am very careful to refrain from flirting, standing too close, etc.

Friends don't ****, Charlie Boy. They don't want to. Katrina is not your friend. There should be another word for her, because calling her your friend is misleading.