Women with kids. I don't know what my code of conduct should be.

[THX]

So I met this girl tonight and we really hit it off from the beggining. Then she said she had a daughter and I wanted to escape immediately. I guess if I had enough balls to be strait forward I would have just said so at that point. It seemed mean to me so I couldn't. I tried to start doing things to make her lose intrest. Not being a jerk just kinda acting like a wimpy dude who wont make a move. I wanted to sever things without me having to be the one who did it. I guess the first piece of advice I would ask for is how do you do this smoothly? Can it even be done smoothly? I suppose iI could have waited a while and said, "I feel like I'm ignoring my friends. I'm going to go chill with them. It was nice meeting you."

I have a friend who asked me why I wasn't doing anything and I told him why. He seemed to feel like it was no big deal and maybe she was just up for a fling. I didn't want to deal with even the possability of it turning into a situation where I hurt someone. Am I wrong to assume a girl is going to want something more?

I ended up taking her #. I have a problem being assertive when peoples feelings are involved. Alright I suck with assertiveness in general.

I feel like an asshole, and by not being able to smoothly voice or sidestep my own issues, have created the impression that I am willing to go forward with something that I am not. This has been an issue in the past and it is clear I am not figuring out how to fix this on my own.

I want to be a better person. I just don't know how.

[pcmaster]

Knowing that girl have a kid is a big shock to me. Its like she almost had a BF . No matter what you do one person will always be more importand to her. ANway she at least could be grateful for little attention you gave to her. Its not like you been that guy who made her preg and then left. Also shes not a virgin and knew what she is doing so dont be so worried about her. Its not like you promised something right?

To escape this overthinging in future just say straight what you wana say and it will help you becoming person you can be.

[vashti]

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to date mommas, and I think you are correct in assuming that most women are interested in more than a fling.

I do not see why you owe any explanation at all; how do you do it when you aren't interested in women who AREN'T mothers?

I'm laughing at the "she should be grateful for attention" line above... really?

[pcmaster]

I'm laughing at the "she should be grateful for attention" line above... really?

Yes. Why not? Maybe she was there for fck. If you start treat unknow girl like a shit and she is still there - then its obvious shes not looking for a life partner.

[vashti]

Could you rephrase that in English?

[pcmaster]

rfabhberb\fck!\hrngfdfbgfnhggfdsa

[THX]

how do you do it when you aren't interested in women who AREN'T mothers?

I do it exactly the same. I guess when I initiate a conversation with a girl and at some point I see a red flag I try to screw up on purpose. If that doesn't work I feel obligated to take her number. I feel like not doing so is rejecting her. But I'm not really being nice. I'm simply washing my hands of being up front in person. When I don't call is that really any better?

Part of me thinks I am taking myself and the situation way too seriously. I guess I'm asking how to peel off with class.

[pcmaster]

LOl so you just asked for her number and didnt had a sex? I thought # means you took her lol !

Anyway she still should be grateful for little attention you gave to her.

[vashti]

I do it exactly the same. I guess when I initiate a conversation with a girl and at some point I see a red flag I try to screw up on purpose. If that doesn't work I feel obligated to take her number. I feel like not doing so is rejecting her. But I'm not really being nice. I'm simply washing my hands of being up front in person. When I don't call is that really any better?

No. Women hate that. It's cowardly.

Are these women *offering* their numbers? Or are you asking for them because it's what you feel is expected?

[UKRomantic]

Just be truthful with them... They expect it anyway. They KNOW having a child can be a put off for some men, and I'm pretty sure they'd rather you just tell them you aint interested.

[smackie9]

These women need to know the truth because they want to find someone who is willing to play the role of step dad if things get serious. It's a no brainer that dating for these women is a different game play compared to those who don't have kids. If they get offended then they are just stupid cows to begin with and you should keep your distance anyways.

[smackie9]

How would you like if a girl lets you chat her up all evening, buy her drinks, but has no intention of dating you because she has a BF.....you hate that when that happens right? Wouldn't you prefer she just comes out and tells you she has a BF?

[THX]

No. Women hate that. It's cowardly.

Are these women *offering* their numbers? Or are you asking for them because it's what you feel is expected?

I ask because I feel it is expected.

[THX]

How would you like if a girl lets you chat her up all evening, buy her drinks, but has no intention of dating you because she has a BF.....you hate that when that happens right? Wouldn't you prefer she just comes out and tells you she has a BF?

This is a good way of putting it.

Thanks for the insight from everyone. I've been taking the easy way out and creating problems that never needed to exist. The advice will be acted upon in the future.

[vashti]

I ask because I feel it is expected.

That makes it easier, then. Just don't ask! When it's time for you to move on, just say "it's been really great talking with you, but I have to work in the morning" and don't ask for her number.

If they offer their number, or ask for yours, you will have to be more direct and say something along the lines of "you are really great, but I am not ready to date people with children".