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Thread: Confused.. need adivce.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
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    Confused.. need adivce.

    Okay, I'm sure this is somewhat of a typical teenage relationship, and it would fall into a stereotypical catagory of a young couple.. but I really love this girl. I've been going out with her for about 1.7 years and after tonight, I'm kind of wondering if she actually is the person she claims to be, because she tends to contradict herself left and right. PLease take the time to read this convo over AIM, and tell me what you think about that. Also, please don't be baised towards me because you would like to spare my feelings, I can take a little constructive critisism.

    Remember, constructive critisism helps a lot, thanks.

    (conversation is in following post)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    5
    Girlfriend: taylor
    reppa207: hi
    Girlfriend: baby!
    reppa207: sorry, i was taking a nao
    reppa207: nap
    Girlfriend: aw
    Girlfriend:
    reppa207: lol
    Girlfriend: you know what made me really sad
    reppa207: whats that?
    Girlfriend: i was looking at our old conversations...
    Girlfriend: and i remember when you used to always have my name in your away messages
    Girlfriend: and you dont do stuff like that anymore
    Girlfriend: im not even in your profile am i
    reppa207: i dont have a profile, and i never use away messages :-(
    Girlfriend: ...no you just dont put me in your profile
    reppa207: :-(
    reppa207: you dont put me in yours eitherr
    reppa207: same for away messagesss
    reppa207: :-P
    Girlfriend: ...i know but i didnt used to
    reppa207: baby, did we have any engineering homework
    reppa207: ?
    Girlfriend: hm.. i cant remember
    reppa207: me neither
    Girlfriend: i think just like signatures
    Girlfriend: but...baby..........
    reppa207: ?S?DFSDFjhdjfsfdj
    Girlfriend: huh?
    reppa207: i dont understand
    reppa207: relationships change
    Girlfriend: ...
    reppa207: you stopped writing in your journal about me
    Girlfriend: well...i really liked that
    Girlfriend: hmmmm...go check it right now
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: ???
    Girlfriend: wtf
    reppa207: sorry
    reppa207: but you were just saying i was wonderful because i didnt get mad at you
    reppa207: :-(
    reppa207: it's still sweet that you wrote that, you're wonderful tooO!
    reppa207: but i was saying look at the 7 month gaps etc.
    reppa207: you used to write constantly, and then you started to slowly stop
    Girlfriend: because no one reads it
    reppa207: well you knew i read it
    Girlfriend: ....
    Girlfriend: but the point is
    Girlfriend: you used to put your little away messages up for everyone to look at
    Girlfriend: not just for me
    Girlfriend: when my diary stopped being for everyone else...i didnt need to use it to talk about you
    reppa207: well baby, things change, and get different
    Girlfriend: whatever
    reppa207: ?
    Girlfriend: youre just a jerk
    reppa207: wtf?
    reppa207: baby.. it would of been weird if i didnt change, you cant expect everything to be exactly like it was when we were first going on
    Girlfriend: uhuh **** you
    reppa207: things changed for you, you dont always want to hold my hand when we're walking
    reppa207: ..what are you doing.. ? :-(
    Girlfriend: ....what???
    Girlfriend: i dont always want to hold your hand when were walking
    Girlfriend: what the **** are you talking about
    reppa207: well you dont like you did when we were first going out..
    reppa207: why are you getting so mad at me.. ? it doesn't mean that i feel any less for you, it just means that the feelings matured and grew up, etc.
    reppa207: just like yours did
    reppa207: there's nothing wrong with it, and it doesnt make me a jerk, i dont understand how you can say that.
    reppa207: :-\
    Girlfriend: well you didnt ****ing answer me like that
    Girlfriend: i said it
    Girlfriend: and you said things change
    Girlfriend: what the **** is wrong with you
    reppa207: ginny, im sorry.. im not gunna talk to you when you're like this.. i dont understand what you're doing..
    Girlfriend: then im not gonna talk to you at all
    reppa207: ok
    reppa207: ..you used to not say "**** you" to me.. :-(
    reppa207: why are you all the sudden doing this, i didnt do anything..
    Girlfriend: yes you did
    Girlfriend: and you dont even realize it and thats what hurts even more
    Girlfriend: i was upset about something
    Girlfriend: like sad upset like crying
    Girlfriend: and you did absolutely nothing to make me feel better
    Girlfriend: you just said well things change
    Girlfriend: it makes me ****ing sad that you dont feel that way about me anymore
    Girlfriend: its not that our relationship has matured, its that your feelings are different
    reppa207: you're so blind.
    Girlfriend: what the **** is wrong with you
    Girlfriend: youre an asshole what are you doing
    reppa207: baby, nothing is wrong with me
    Girlfriend: why wont you talk to me like a normal person
    Girlfriend: youre so blind what the **** is that you sound so fake and stupid
    reppa207: well im sorry you think that
    Girlfriend: seriously
    Girlfriend: i cant talk to you when youre like this
    Girlfriend: you decide im wrong about something
    Girlfriend: and then you talk to me like im 4 years old
    Girlfriend: well im really ****ing upset right now
    reppa207: i was trying to console you when you started telling me about that, and maybe i didn't say exactly what you wanted me to, but i didnt say anything wrong, i dont understand
    Girlfriend: and you could care less
    Girlfriend: you did too
    Girlfriend: you just confirmed what i was upset about
    reppa207: well it was the truth, it shouldn't be anything harsh
    reppa207: you've changed too
    reppa207: just as much as i have
    reppa207: your feelings have changed
    Girlfriend: WELL THATS WHY IM CRYING YOU ASSHOLE
    Girlfriend: it is harsh
    Girlfriend: and it isnt the truth
    Girlfriend: asdkl;fj

    reppa207: im not gunna sit here and be called names and yelled at when i didnt do anything.. im sorry you're upset about it, and i wish there was something i could do, but i really dont feel like being talked to like this :-(
    reppa207: i wish we could talk :-(
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: stop iot
    Girlfriend: shut the **** up right now
    Girlfriend: you are the one who wont talk
    Girlfriend: shut up
    Girlfriend: dont say anything else
    reppa207: and im sorry i said anything that you misunderstood, but i think i explained myself pretty clearly.. and you've changed too, you may not realize it.. but you did
    Girlfriend: let me talk
    Girlfriend: TAYLOR
    Girlfriend: shut up
    Girlfriend: listen to me
    Girlfriend: i was upset
    Girlfriend: reallly ****ing upset
    Girlfriend: you didnt console me at all, you told me exactly what i didnt want to hear
    Girlfriend: and then when it made me more upset, you started talking to me like i was stupid
    Girlfriend: and you are wrong
    Girlfriend: my feelings about you arent different
    Girlfriend: our relationship is different
    Girlfriend: we know eachother better
    Girlfriend: we act differently around eachother
    Girlfriend: but i feel the exact same way about you now as i did when i first fell in love with you
    Girlfriend: and i feel like killing myself right now because you are telling me that that isnt true for you
    Girlfriend: and i have to yell at you and call you names
    Girlfriend: because you keep attacking me
    Girlfriend: and i dont know how else to make you be quiet and listen to me and it pisses me off SOO much the way you treat me when you think im being stupid
    Girlfriend: youre just a big ass
    Girlfriend: and theres no need for it
    Girlfriend: dont tell me i just dont realize it you dont nkow ANY better than i do how i feel about you.........taylor talk to me
    reppa207: well i know you dont feel the same, because you completely dont act the same, and im not being an ass.. stop saying that, i was trying to make you feel better, i wasn't attacking you.. i really wasn't, and im sorry if anything i said came off that way, i really dont think it did
    reppa207: i love you the same
    Girlfriend: TAYLOR I FEEL THE SAME
    reppa207: of course i do.. i just dont do the same things that i did when we first started going out.
    Girlfriend: DONT TELL ME THAT AGAIN
    reppa207: well then act like it if you do
    Girlfriend: zcasdf
    a g
    reppa207: because you certainly aren't.
    Girlfriend: shut up **** you what the **** is wrong with you why wont you listen to me why do you treat me like this
    reppa207: what am i not getting
    reppa207: what do you want me to say, exactly? because obviously that's the only way you're gunna be happy.
    Girlfriend: dont ever tell me how i feel ever again
    Girlfriend: nevermind
    Girlfriend: ill talk to you later

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    5
    Girlfriend: think about how youre talking to me
    Girlfriend is away at 11:22:25 PM.
    Girlfriend returned at 11:26:07 PM.
    Girlfriend: what is it going to take for you to stop and listen to me
    Girlfriend: listen to what im saying
    Girlfriend: because i mean what im saying
    Girlfriend: im not making up shit because im mad at you
    Girlfriend: im not lying
    Girlfriend: i know exactly how i feel
    Girlfriend: theres nothing im too "blind" to see
    Girlfriend: if you cant believe what i tell you
    Girlfriend: then theres a hell of a lot wrong with our relationship
    Girlfriend: answer me
    reppa207: ginny, i love you, and i wish i could help you.. if i was there i would give you a big hug because i dont like to see you upset like this..
    Girlfriend: but..you dont agree with anything im saying at all
    reppa207: i dont really understand.. im confused.
    reppa207: if you want to know why i might feel different.. read what you've written, and read the words you've chosen to call me
    Girlfriend: you are trying to tell me that idont feel the same way about you now as i always have
    reppa207: i dont understand how i can respond to stuff like that, im not used to be treated like that, nobody has ever really done that to me.. and it hurts
    reppa207: it hurts my feelings for you, and it hurts our relationship
    Girlfriend: baby
    Girlfriend: its no different than the way you were just treating me
    Girlfriend: i was doing it because i couldnt get your attention
    Girlfriend: you were acting like i was some idiot
    reppa207: im sorry that i told you how you felt, that's wrong of me to tell someone how they feel.. i shouldnt do that, but you have to know that the words you're saying dont really match up with what you were saying about you feel
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: youre doing it again
    Girlfriend: you arent listening to what im saying
    reppa207: well then how do youi want me to talk to you?
    reppa207: what do you want from me?
    Girlfriend: it was a reaction to you treating me like an idiot
    Girlfriend: i couldnt get you to stop
    Girlfriend: i was slamming on the keyboard and about to scream
    Girlfriend: you wouldnt listen to me
    Girlfriend: that doesnt mean i dont feel the way i say i feel
    reppa207: look, the way i was talking to you was the way i was feeling, i couldnt help it and that's just how i talk.. also, i felt like you didnt understand what you were talking about, so i was expressing my point of view on the whole thing while trying to console you.
    reppa207: maybe it's because 4 year olds bang on things and scream when they cant hear exactly what they hear :-(
    reppa207: want to hear*
    Girlfriend: wow. see. youre just not even listening to me once again.
    Girlfriend: not because i couldnt hear what i want to hear
    Girlfriend: thats not at all what i said
    reppa207: ok, what do you want from me?
    Girlfriend: thats what you assumed because you want to make me wrong
    Girlfriend: shut up
    Girlfriend: i was frustrated because you had like made up this little script and you were talking to me like i was some idiot and you werent listening at all to what i was saying
    Girlfriend: you were just saying what you wanted to say regardless of what i was telling you
    Girlfriend: you were ignoring me and feeding me bullshit
    Girlfriend: you would scream too
    reppa207: if you would of actually read what i was saying, you would of realized that i was saying something, and it completely related to what you were saying.
    reppa207: try re-reading what i said
    reppa207: and what you said
    reppa207: then maybe it will make a little sense
    Girlfriend: and then id react to it
    Girlfriend: and you wouldnt listen
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: ive read and reread it all
    Girlfriend: you dont know more than me stop acting like taht
    reppa207: ok, ginny
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: tell me why you are acting like a huge dick today. honestly, thats the only word i can think of that describes what youre doing to me right now
    reppa207: how would you feel if i was calling you a ****ing stupid asshole bitch cunt jerk?
    Girlfriend: i didnt say that
    reppa207: (not in one, if you're trying to be technical)
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: stop acting like it
    Girlfriend: just quit it
    reppa207: ok.
    Girlfriend: think about why ive said what ive said
    Girlfriend: that doesnt make it okay for me to talk to you like that
    reppa207: huh?
    Girlfriend: but if youre gonna be getting mad at me why dont you think about what you did to make me say that
    reppa207: im not even mad at you..
    reppa207: im hurt and confused
    reppa207: if it doesnt make it ok for you to talk to me like that, then why do you do it.. ?
    reppa207: did you feel like i was a dick, jerk, asshole, etc. when you first started going out with me? because you're totally contradicting what you're telling me.
    Girlfriend: im apologizing, stupid
    Girlfriend: omg
    Girlfriend: okay
    reppa207: well why are you calling me stupid?
    Girlfriend: at the moment whn youre acting like a dick, jerk, asshole, etc. i feel like you are a dick, jerk, asshole, etc.
    Girlfriend: but overall
    reppa207: well cant you control that?
    Girlfriend: i feel the same way about you as i did
    reppa207: OH, ok.
    Girlfriend: STOP ACTING LIKE ONE
    Girlfriend: YOU CONTROL THAT ONE
    reppa207: read everything ive said, there was not one thing i said that was hostile
    reppa207: you're doing this
    reppa207: do you wanna push me away like this?
    Girlfriend: taylor
    Girlfriend: are you listening to me
    Girlfriend: are you at all
    Girlfriend: you werent hostile but you were ignoring me and treating me like i was stupid
    Girlfriend: so i got frustrated because you were being an asshole
    Girlfriend: and i just felt like telling you what you were doing to me
    Girlfriend: i dont care that you werent hostile
    Girlfriend: you knew what you were doing
    Girlfriend: and you made me feel a bit hostile
    Girlfriend: you were telling me how i felt
    Girlfriend: you were ignoring what i was saying to you
    reppa207: you were telling me how i felt.
    reppa207: why exactly are your feelings more important than mine?
    reppa207: is it because im stupid?
    Girlfriend: because
    Girlfriend: yours werent feelings
    Girlfriend: yours were bullshit you were saying to sound better than me and make me feel stupid
    Girlfriend: i have to go now
    reppa207: what would you say, if i told you that you didn't write me notes every day like you used to when we were in preschool?
    reppa207: how would you react?
    Girlfriend: okay
    Girlfriend: you know what
    Girlfriend: thats it
    Girlfriend: you are missing every point i have made
    Girlfriend: im sad not mad
    reppa207: you haven't made a point.
    Girlfriend: because you dont love me the way you used to
    reppa207: i love you the same
    Girlfriend: NO YOU HAVENT LISTENED
    reppa207: i dont act the same.
    Girlfriend: no you dont
    Girlfriend: sdfl;k/z/p
    Girlfriend: TYOU TOLD ME YOU DIDNT FEEL THE SAME
    reppa207: you're telling me how i feel, why are you doing that now?
    Girlfriend: YOU NEVER SAID YOU DIDNT ACT THE SAME
    Girlfriend: YOU SAID YOURSELF YOU DIDNT FEEL THE SAME
    Girlfriend: THATS WHY IM TELLING YOU, YOU TOLD ME
    reppa207: feel != lovr
    reppa207: love
    Girlfriend: YOU SAID FEEL
    reppa207: YOU SAID ASSHOLE
    reppa207: i dont completely 100% feel the same way about you now.
    Girlfriend: YOOOOOOUUUUUU SSSAAAAAIIIIIIIDDDDD YOOOOUUUUUU DDDIIIIIDDDDDNNNT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME
    Girlfriend: well
    Girlfriend: that really, truely does make you an asshole
    reppa207: oh, ok.
    Girlfriend: are you just trying to stab a knife in my heart
    Girlfriend: what the **** are you doing to me
    Girlfriend: when you ****ing attack me like this
    Girlfriend: and make me cry for no reason
    Girlfriend: thats when i feel liek treating you like shit
    Girlfriend: because you just made me want to kill myself
    Girlfriend: bye taylor
    Girlfriend: i might call you later
    Girlfriend: i might now
    Girlfriend: not*
    Girlfriend: dont call me
    reppa207: i like how im an asshole because of the way i feel.
    reppa207: that's always nice to hear.
    reppa207: just because i still love you the same, but some feelings about you have changed.
    reppa207: ^because of the way you treat me sometimes.
    reppa207: you did it to yourself.
    Girlfriend: **** YOU TAYLOR GOOD LUCK FINDING SOMEONE WHO WILL LET YOU TREAT THEM THIS WAY
    Girlfriend signed off at 11:59:20 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    4,614
    WTF? Another girlfriend going psycho. OMG man, this all started because you didnt put up something about her in your away message? DAMN! And this being after what almost 2 years of being together? Yea things change, but holy hell, your girlfriend went off the deep end here.

    Sounds like there are other deeper issues going on here. Its obvious you were trying to be honest with her and she took that and ran with it. She's very immature for acting out the way she did. She's suppose to be in love with you and youre treating her like shit? You cant NOT be honest with her. You will were telling how you truly felt and she turned into her. Thats not right.

    Honestly~I wouldnt want to deal with someone whose quite so EMOTIONAL and takes things to the exteme. Thats really sad she treated you that way, she also sounds at this point a manipulator. Is she is going to act like that NOW, my goodness what is she going to be like later on and further on down the relatiosnship? OVER AN AWAY MESSAGE!

    Youre right, relationships do change, people grow, etc. If she thinks your relationship is going to stay at a certain level how are you suppose to grow? A relationship needs nurturing, and shes not giving that to you. Sounds like youre growing up and wanting more while shes holding you back.

    Id let this one go, and or at least give this a break. And if she comes back crying to you, tell her you need a break for awhile to sort things out, TRY and discuss maturely, even though I dont think she will take that news very well, I would take a break for sure, its just something that you should consider a red flag. If you talk it out and figure things out together that would be great. Try and tell her from your side of how you feel and NOT dog her out. She wont be on the defense AS much. You have choices here, thats the beauty of it, stay or leave!

    Goodluck to ya!
    everything happens for a reason...beginning to wonder why.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    5
    Thanks for the advice squirrley. Turns out that she apologized the next night, and everything was fine. But I still don't like the fact that she has a 'tendancy' to do something like that. It's not right to just act out like that to someone you claim to love so much. Again, I'm confused..

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    In front of this screen.
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    1,501
    Eyes....bleeding....must....gouge them out....

    Seriously...our future is in serious jeopardy when kids cant even talk on the phone, but will spend an eternity "talking" over the internet via chat. This is what breeds anti-social kids popping pills all the time claiming to have learning "disabilities" and shit.

    Get off the stupid AIM or MSN and go for a walk to talk about your problems. Or pick up the damn phone. Wanna know why your girlfriend says some dumb shit like that? Becuase she can, and she doesnt see what your reaction is.

    You cant express yourself completely with smiley faces and semi-colons. You wanna know what is up with your girlfriend? Walk over to her house and talk to her about what is going on. (And if you want my advice that would involve dumping her as well).

    Relationships that evolve around communicating over instant messengers for the majority of it are headed straight for the shitter.

  7. #7
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    Nov 2003
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    florida
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    Rep~Id keep my head above water here. Of course she's going to come back and kiss ass and then pretend like nothing has happened. BUT it will happen again. Dont allow her to get away with talking to you like that, its crappy, and not deserved. If her behavior continues to act as such, Id get the hell out!

    BECAREFUL!
    everything happens for a reason...beginning to wonder why.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Posts
    5
    Regarding Cyborb's reply - this is one of the rare occasions I ever talk to her on AIM. I'm usually out until 11:30 every night with her, considering I'm only 16. Don't make false assumptions about my personal life style and how I would be just from a simple 'AIM' conversation, you have no right to do that at all, sir. They're still words, and they still mean the same thing. I talk with her plenty in real life, about the same issue. Usually it results in one of us leaving eachother periodically. About you saying that I don't exactly express the right reaction, you're probably right, I tend to hold in a lot of true feelings I really shouldn't hold in. Even though you were a blunt ass about it, thanks for the advice, and you too squirrley. If it happens again like this, there's really no excuse for it at all.. even though there isn't truley a valid excuse for why it happened in the first place.
    Last edited by rep; 21-08-04 at 09:05 AM. Reason: adding things

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