First "date" more just a quick first meeting type thing.... Question....

[TheEvilJester]

So, as I stated in a couple of my recent threads, I just recently decided to get back into dating. I joined a few dating sites, and even wound up getting a response from a girl. We've been talking for a bit, and I just recently invited her out for ice cream sometime. We'll be doing that this weekend.

I suddenly thought of something, and wasn't sure of the proper etiquette for such a thing. I thought of my ice cream idea as a similar idea to saying "Let's go get coffee together" since I don't drink coffee. So, it is more sort of an informal "date" as just a quick first meeting get together kind of thing.

Should I bring flowers, or something like that? Or is that more something to do if we wind up going on a more formal second date, like out to dinner or something? I kind of lean towards thinking that does make more sense on a more formal date, but I don't want to look bad/un-interested if I show up empty handed for our first meeting. I've always been something of a romantic guy, but I also don't want to overdo it.

Also, for that matter, once I do bring flowers, should I do it for every date, or is it just the sort of thing you should do for the first formal date, and then at random otherwise? Because I kind of feel like doing it every single time would make it seem forced and less special. Let me know what you think. It would especially be helpful if any of our female members can offer their thoughts. Thanks!

[surfhb]

No flowers ! Why would you? She's not your wife or GF. Flowers on every date?! You watch too many old movies

Just go in expecting to meet a new friend. Relax and have fun

[chinagirl]

You don't need to bring her flowers on the first date. You can if you want to. I've had guys brought flowers during the first date. It felt nice, but if I wasn't attracted to them, it really didn't make any difference.

And NO, you do not have to give flowers at every date. You are absolutely right, it will lose its special meaning. Wait for a special occasion to do that.

Good luck this weekend!

[nico88]

I don't see any harm in bringing her some flowers on the first date. I'm sure she'd appreciate the gesture.

Enjoy yourself this weekend. Hope all goes well.

[Rowen]

I agree; flowers on a first date are not a good idea.
Not to mention (although, this sounds a bit ridiculous), you bring her some flowers...right? She's going to need to hold those, assuming this is one of those stands without any tables like Ritas or something. So, she'd be eating ice cream while trying to juggle flowers- not the best idea, but I'm really glad you thought it was a sweet idea. Save it for if she becomes your girlfriend and you're somewhere where you can sit down to talk.

Also, it doesn't really have to be a quick meeting. I once went on a date where we got bagels, but we had much more fun because afterwards we went for a long walk just talking. Never underestimate the power of a walk or a drive.

[somehelp4me]

Do what you feel like doing, if that is flowers bring a small arrangement of flowers, but why the hell do you think you need to spend and spend and buy flowers every date after, is she bringing you gifts too? I doubt it.
Why can't you just buy her ice cream or whatever else you eat while together? and one nice rose or something, do you know her fave flower?
You seem anxious about this casual date, you need to chill more.

[surfhb]

I would never be married to my wife if I showed up with flowers with a serious smile.

She's just not that type. Why risk turning off the girl on the first go? No flowers!

- - - Updated - - -

I would never be married to my wife if I showed up with flowers with a serious smile.

She's just not that type. Why risk turning off the girl on the first go? No flowers!

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks for the advice, everybody. The general consensus here is actually what I was thinking. (....Wow! I guess I'm not nearly as out of touch as I thought.) I figured that flowers should be something maybe I do if/when we have a second, more formal date. Like, if we go out to a more formal dinner that might be a nice idea.

For today, I'll just show up with me. If it goes well, I will ask her on a more formal dinner date for the next time and I may bring flowers then.

[somehelp4me]

So did you have the date, how'd it go, make the second date yet?
Fill us nosey fckers in =)

[TheEvilJester]

Yup. Had the date. I think it went well. It was nice. The ice cream was a fun idea. She also brought along a pair of those velcro mitts and the matching tennis ball that a lot of us had as kids. She thought it might be fun to have a game of catch while we chatted in the courtyard area outside her apartment. I thought that was actually a rather cute idea. So, after our ice cream we did that and hung out a while. We talked for a good while just about random nothing, yet I still had a lot of fun. Also, my birthday just passed and hers is coming up. She actually got me a really nice birthday card, which I thought was very nice, and really surprised me.

I'm still not sure, though, if I see her as a friend or potentially more. I know that I like her enough that I want to continue to find out. I like her enough that I'd enjoy having her as either. Besides, I figure that I want my eventual girlfriend to be practically my best friend, so if we start off as friends, that would be a good way to start the relationship anyway. I did send her an e-mail the morning after we met up, but didn't hear back over the weekend. That didn't surprise me, though, as before then we've e-mailed almost every day, but often times she got too busy over the weekend. She e-mailed me yesterday to let me know she was very busy and hadn't had a chance to message back just yet, but would soon.

So, probably not really a very good sign, I guess. I mean, it seemed to me like we both had a good time. Still, I haven't known her long enough to become too invested. Plus, as I said, I'm not even too sure if I see her as anything more than a friend. I maybe could have, but I am not yet to the point of being certain. So, if that is unfortunately a bad sign and we don't pursue it any further, then I wouldn't be too upset. It would be a shame, sure, but it would just mean we weren't a match. Hopefully somebody else will be. Not that I am having all that much luck thus far on those stupid sites. Most people never bother to message you back.

[surfhb]

Forget the friends thing. You don't need friends but a girlfriend right? You like her, she likes you.....ask her out again right away. Show your interest! This means subtle sexual interest as well. I'm assuming you like sex right?

[searock]

Yep, ask her out again. Be flirty and touch her playfully... then kiss her. Sure you want your girlfriend to be your best friend, but she can become your best friend even after she becomes your girlfriend. The way you met disallows you from having a typical "going from friend girlfriend" relationship: you already met with the intent of dating each other romantically. Also, the "going from friend to girlfriend" thing only works when there is no initial attraction and it happens spontaneously (again, not your case).

[TheEvilJester]

I don't NEED friends, but I wouln't mind friends. Heck, for that matter, I don't NEED a girlfriend either. But, of course, I'd really like one.

Anyway, I suppose I didn't directly ask about a second date. Like, I didn't say "Do you want to do XYZ activity on ABC date." But, in my message to her the day after, I did give the whole I had a lot of fun sort of thing and said I'd like to see her again sometime soon. So, I think that implies enough that I was interested to do it again.

Still no word beyond her brief "I've been busy but will message you soon" e-mail, so I think that is my answer there. Which is a shame, because I was at least interested in seeing her again to see where it may have gone. But, as I said, I haven't known her long enough to become attached. So, if she's the sort that would pull the fade away, no big loss. I'm not interested in somebody who is going to play games. So, I'm not entirely sure I even want to bother to message her again.

It could even entirely be that she just happened to be very busy and literally hasn't had time to get back to me. It's only been a few days. But, I just find that doubtful. I would think if you just met somebody for the first time you were potentially thinking of dating, you'd be excited to get back to them fairly soon.

Like I said, it is a shame, but no great loss. Frankly, it's more luck than I expected to have on those dating sites anyway.

[HeartIsAching]

So, as I stated in a couple of my recent threads, I just recently decided to get back into dating. I joined a few dating sites, and even wound up getting a response from a girl. We've been talking for a bit, and I just recently invited her out for ice cream sometime. We'll be doing that this weekend.

I suddenly thought of something, and wasn't sure of the proper etiquette for such a thing. I thought of my ice cream idea as a similar idea to saying "Let's go get coffee together" since I don't drink coffee. So, it is more sort of an informal "date" as just a quick first meeting get together kind of thing.

Should I bring flowers, or something like that? Or is that more something to do if we wind up going on a more formal second date, like out to dinner or something? I kind of lean towards thinking that does make more sense on a more formal date, but I don't want to look bad/un-interested if I show up empty handed for our first meeting. I've always been something of a romantic guy, but I also don't want to overdo it.

Also, for that matter, once I do bring flowers, should I do it for every date, or is it just the sort of thing you should do for the first formal date, and then at random otherwise? Because I kind of feel like doing it every single time would make it seem forced and less special. Let me know what you think. It would especially be helpful if any of our female members can offer their thoughts. Thanks!

First off... what kind of sick **** doesn't drink coffee?! Kidding, of course.

Ice cream's a good alternative, but you can ask 'em out for coffee if you want to - there'll be plenty of other things there for you. It's a safe, open public place for meeting new people.

NO FLOWERS! That'll get you marked as a creeper. Just show up clean, groomed and dressed in nothing that has holes in it. Try not to clash if you can avoid it. Make sure your socks match.

Smile and say "Hi! I'm TheEvilJester. You must be Morticia" and hold out your hand. Don't crush hers.

Have fun.

YW

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks, HeartIsAching. I appreciate the advice and will be sure to apply it the next time I get a date. You know... when Hell freezes over. However, this time around you are a bit late. I had the first date, messaged her the next morning, and have not heard back other than a very brief e-mail basically saying "I've been crazy busy, but I'll message you soon," which never happened.

Frankly, it was no great loss as it was too early for me to feel attached at all. Still, isn't like I am having any further luck with this online dating bullcrap, and yet it is sort of my only hope for finding somebody. I'm not the bar scene type and wouldn't really want to meet a girl at a bar anyway. Nor am I the type to just approach a random girl and ask her out. I just shouldn't have ever tried this crap again. I was happier single then I am remembering that people are scumbags.