Might get back with my ex after 1 month?

[damien1993]

Ok so i need a little advice.. My ex and I broke up about a month ago on good terms.. We went out for 2 years and lived together for practically 2 thirds of that time.. Reason being she ran away from home as her parents were overprotective and abusive and i pretty much took her in.. She was 16 and i was 17.. I'm 20 this year btw..

Neither of us did anything to sabotage the relationship or anything like that.. I just felt we were arguing way too much about silly things, and needed space.. But because at the time we were so high on emotions, when i went to talk to her about everything, i broke up with her instead.. I regretted it the minute i left.. I went over to her's a week later to pick up my stuff.. we were both very friendly to each other and i even made her laugh.. During our conversation i asked if she was certain that she didn't want to continue anything.. She said yes but she began to cry.. She explained that she didn't want to get hurt again.. And we left it at that..

We both decided it best to stay no contact and let our feelings fade away before we talked again, so we could establish a friendship later down the track as i truly saw her as a best friend and she felt the same.. Of course we both went through the pain and hurt of missing each other and moving on, i knew she was moving on, she knew i was moving on but we were never bitter, never talked bad of each other, and respected eachother.. I was up and down for the whole month and one day in particular i just missed her insanely and i decided to go and talk to her.. I told her that i missed her and wanted her back.. I had thought about our whole situation for the month and realized where we went wrong..

You see before the breakup i considered myself quite immature, i smoked weed every day with her, didn't save my money, lazy and unmotivated etc.. in my head i knew how to be mature, but i just wasn't acting on it because i was too lazy, and too involved in her life, and how she felt and what she wanted, rather than me.. Mainly because i never wanted to upset her, i didn't really care what we did or what happened as long as she was happy and i think this is where i f***** up.. As a result i couldn't grow into my own person.. I wasn't for filling MY needs, only hers.. Now i'm different, i got frustrated with myself for losing the best thing i had and i did a complete turn around.. I've saved money, i quit the pot, i've set goals and i really feel different.. I know i'm not quite there.. but im well on my way..

My plan (and i told her this when i saw her) was that if we got back together we would not live together, we would live separate lives and take it slow, like you do when you first meet someone, take them out on a few dates here and there, slowly gain trust etc.. As the problem i saw was that we were too involved in each others lives, getting jealous, expecting things from each other, when really all we needed was space.. And we knew this in the relation ship, except we were just too attached to each other.. Since we began living together (about 4-7 months after we began dating) we didn't go more than 1 day without seeing each other..

She obviously still has feelings as do I, and i know it's really soon after the breakup, but i want to give it another try because I feel i gave up too easily and i'm afraid if i kept waiting i would lose her forever.. She said she's still scared of getting hurt again and wants to think about it first..

I honestly believe if we start dating again, it will be awkward at first, and we both realize this, but i know once the awkwardness of our separation is gone, we will be really close again, the feelings will come flooding back, but because we have our own lives we won't have to rely on each other for our happiness, which in essence was the reason we broke up, we didn't have enough space to grow into our own person, and as a result felt stuck in a rutt.. Now i feel free more like a man than i ever have..

What do you guys think? Do you think this can work? Have there been similar experiences you know of? And mostly, how can we move past the awkwardness if we end up regaining this relationship?

Thankyou so much for reading, AND IM SORRY FOR THE LENGTH!!!

[Kromat83]

I think it was good that you looked at yourself, and didn't want that person around to get hurt.
It was a good break, and hope it works out the 2nd time, but nothing is certain, so just take your time.

I also wouldn't revolve your life around her, so just spend 1 or 2 days max a week with her .. preferably on weekends.
It'll keep things fresh, and not have to rely on her constantly and you can live your own life too.

Have a day for yourself with friends .. either Friday or Saturday, and when the time comes to see each other again, that bond will grow stronger of missing each other that amount of time.

You two became too comfortable with the other person, that not much gets done with that time of relationship.
Self growth is just as important and a lasting connection with your partner.

You shouldn't have moved together so quickly, it should've slowly developed,
and not rush things ... like you said a third of the time she was with you.