Girlfriend and her ex boyfriend

[JustJu]

Hello everyone..I'm new here
I basically joined as I have the following problem and would like some advice as it's confusing me a bit.

I've recently met a really nice girl,we've known each other since Jan 2011.We see and stay with each other regulary and things seem to be going well.
The problem is last year she broke up with and had her heart broken(her words) by her ex boyfriend.
He is Turkish (we are in UK) and the most dissapointing thing for her was that he ended their friendship too as he had met someone else and apparently this new girl wouldnt let him keep contact with my girlfriend (his ex).A few months ago he broke up with this new girl and his family contacted my girlfriend to say they were worried about him and could my girlfriend talk to him.
They treat her like family.So needless to say my girlfriend is now back best friends with him and was even planning to go to Turkey to see him as she tells me shes misses him so much but has no intentions of getting back with him,they are just friends.hmmmmmm....

Obviously I have been a bit unhapy about this,at first I told her my objections,but it just made us argue and now I say it's fine,what business is it of mine....through clenched teeth...
In the last few days she has told me:
She is not in love with me but is happy to have me.
She is still heartbroken from her ex and sad but is happy to have me...
And she has never told her ex about me...

The fact she wont tell him about me is the worst thing...like I dont excist...
I'm sure he has every intention of getting her back....
I think my girlfriend is being realy unreasonable to me...and shes lucky I stay around for now...
When I mention it she always clamps up and accuses me of being jealous...

Has anyone got any advice?
Thanks in advance

[Cerulean.]

Well, my advice is coming from someone who is friends with all my ex boyfriends. I was even in a wedding, just this year, for my ex boyfriend and his new wife. I attended it with my boyfriend.

I think she is handling everything very wrong. I believe people can be friends with their exes, but only if they're truly over the person. When I was with my last boyfriend, I made sure he met all my exes and was comfortable. He actually became best friends with my first love. I never hid anything from him and everyone knew I was going out with him. Your girlfriend, in my opinion, is still in love with her ex boyfriend. She doesn't communicate well and is hiding something from you. I wouldn't feel comfortable about her going to visit him. If she keeps starting a fight with you when you try to talk to her about it, then I'd dump her. She isn't worth your time or heartache. She needs to be reasonable and see your side.

[Jjhtlc]

So she told you she doesn't love you but likes havin you around...

In other words she is using you to fill the void left by her ex. Everyone deserves better than this. She has issues to work out before you too have any chance at a healthy relationship. My advice...love yourself and give her the space to work on herself and her issues. Don't contact her and only let her initiate any contact between you. There are plenty of other women out there that will appreciate you.

[MerryH]

but has no intentions of getting back with him

Yes, she does. That's why she said these things:

She is not in love with me but is happy to have me.
She is still heartbroken from her ex and sad but is happy to have me...
And she has never told her ex about me...

I think she said those things to prepare you for the upcoming breakup. She may not have done that consciously, but these aren't things you tell someone who you want to build a strong relationship with.

It's admirable that you're trying to take the "not my business" approach, but in this case, you are absolutely right to have a problem with her traveling to visit an ex-boyfriend who she's still heartbroken over and who doesn't even know you exist. There's something wrong with that. That's not to say that you can tell her what she should and shouldn't do, because she can do whatever she wants. You don't have to put up with it, though.

[Cerby]

You're just a rebound, nothing else. She pretty much told you this when she said she is still heartbroken over him, doesn't love you, and just likes having you around.

This one is toast, jump ship and look for someone who isn't still in love with their ex.

[JustJu]

Thanks for the answers everyone.
I think one of the worst times was when I was with her one morning and she told me how she had received an email from her ex and he was looking for hotels for her and him for their little get together...(which she now cant afford anyway)
I was just diplomatic about it and humoured her.But that hurt....

The latest is she tells me she doesnt understand why she is so heartbroken over him when I asked her to explain herself more(and they were previously friends and have gone through so much together)...Then she said she wouldnt be able to come on holiday with me because of money...
A day later she tells me her ex and his family have money troubles and she might get another job or loan to help them....Then when I said I'll go on holiday without her she comes back the next day and says lets go somewhere together....then says she cant afford it...
Having said all this..she cant seem to stay away from me,we have been texting all night for months and months...

I think my best option is to insist she tells this ex about me..then we will see his reaction...