Hot & Cold - What to do??

[american_nub]

hey guys, hit a spot and not sure where to go from here.

Long story short, met a girl at a club (she's 20 I'm 24), had a good night, made out all night. Went our own way home that night. Went on a fair few dates. LOTS of texts (1000 per week roughly). She told her friends I was her boyfriend (even though nothing was official), introduced me to everyone she knew, etc.

The first things that started confusing me were how she acted differently in front of her friends. She acted as if I wasn't there or she'd rather be with her friends. This was only while she had been drinking. When it was just her and I it was fine. We'd been dating around 5 weeks or so, things were going pretty well. She only really wanted to see me on weekends and occasionally during the week which seemed a little odd. She is a shy person however and gets nervous easily.

I'd also found out shortly after I'd met her she had just come out of a relationship (under 12 months) but it apparently ended badly. At the time she said she just didn't want to rush things because she was scared of being hurt again. It's now been 3 months since her breakup.

Anyway, eventually i got sick of games she started to play recently - going hot & cold - so I decided to stop seeing/texting her. She said it was because she isn't sure she's ready for a relationship because she's still hurt from the past ones - Not sure if it's a brush off or true. I did originally meet her just 3 weeks after the break up however. So I pretty much told her when she knows what she wants to come and find me. Shortly after this she had a facebook status saying how she was upset etc etc etc. Anyway, I'd stopped messaging for a week when she initiated contact again, sending lots of flirtly messages. We'd organised another meet the following week (i'm willing to take things slow only because its not often i find somebody I really like). The past weekend I said I was going out clubbing on the friday night with my mates and it was extremely evident she got the s**ts about it, even though we weren't dating anymore and signals were completely mixed. The saturday night she wanted me to meet her out clubbing but I didn't go out. Ever since, all messages have been short, with no goodnight msgs at all (first 3 nights ever none have been sent lol). Messages seem to have gone cold and completely stopped now for the past few days.

So pretty much I'm not sure where to head from here, it's driving me insane. Any help or suggestions will be appreciated!!

Peter.

[smackie9]

Young girls are just immature and full of drama......the games will never stop. Forget about her, she is a twit and not worth the hassle. Keep looking bro.



Girls like that you just want to slap some sense into them......or just slap them.

[american_nub]

yea i pretty much had it all down to being young and immature. But forgetting her isn't really something I want, although maybe it's best in the long run...

Anyone else have anything to add??

[Wakeup]

She said it was because she isn't sure she's ready for a relationship because she's still hurt from the past ones

This is a huge red flag that she's been good enough to confess outright so that you KNOW just what is wrong here. She's not ready to be in another relationship. Keep that in mind if you pursue her if you insist on keeping on trying to "win" her over.
I don't think one's age or her maturity level matters much because if she were 35 or 75 and didn't know what she wanted you would have the same result you have now.... when a person doesn't know what they want they usually make crappy partners once they get their mojo back (from having it shattered in a bad breakup) and you are no longer needed for the emotional/physical releasing human bandaid. Google "Rebound Relationship" and educate yourself.

yea i pretty much had it all down to being young and immature. But forgetting her isn't really something I want, although maybe it's best in the long run...

Anyone else have anything to add??

It may not be what you want to do but until she's healed and packed away her baggage from the last a-wipe that tore her assunder, you're best not to be the first one she gets with after that fiasco.

I suggest you tell her when she's no longer hurt and paranoid that all men are like the last one to give you a shout.
If you're still single when/if she contacts you, then try again then. Failing that, be educated about someone in rebound mode is capable of so that you don't ignore red flags just because ignoring her is something you don't want to do. Look after yourself.

[american_nub]

i think you could be right... there have been alot of those 'motivational' posters she's posted on facebook about ex's and past relationships all being bad and being screwed over. oh well life goes on! Thanks for the comment

[smackie9]

Yup like I said.....drama.....the young ones are like that. You will find someone else to start fresh with soon enough.

[american_nub]

so after a week of no contact, we were both out last night and she begged and pleaded i see her for a bit. after 4 hours of pleading i gave in and caught up with her. Things went alright, i was pretty much pulling the entire time and pushed slightly every now and then. At the end of the night, I dropped her off home and she wanted/pleaded me to stay but I thought better of it. I'm definitely on top of the game right now after last night but not really sure how i should take it from here...

I'm thinking i'm just going to try distance myself like I have the past week and make her work for any contact we have. I'm definitely not being easy this time round, first bitten twice shy.

[Boisdevie]

I'm definitely on top of the game right now after last night but not really sure how i should take it from here...

So now it's you playing games. You my friend are a dickhead.

[smackie9]

Ya I agree this won't teach her any lessons, it's only going to mess up her head even more. You should just communicate with her honestly about how you feel about her behavior and why you need to distance yourself because of it. You definitely don't want to be someone's emotional tampon I agree, but you shouldn't treat them like crap.

[american_nub]

i understand but i definitely didn't treat her like crap. I just didn't do everything she wanted