Want to be friends with ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago.

[workoutgirl1970]

I'm a 39 year old female, married 17 years to a wonderful guy that I love very much and have recently found an exboyfriend on Facebook. We dated 20 years ago but I was an idiot and broke it off with him. I emailed him in Dec explaining how I was a kid and stupid and scared and should have never done that. I asked him to lunch or coffee just to catch up and be friends but for some reason he thinks that I want to have an affair and am stalking him because I emailed him the next day to say whats up, how are you, what have you been up to for the past 20 years, etc. He is married to his third wife with 3 kids with her and one from a previous marriage that he knocked up on the rebound from me way back then. I just want to reconnect as friends not ruin his life or mine and don't see where lunch equates to sex. I did some searching on Myspace and friends of his wife mentioned him cheating on her last fall so maybe he thinks that all women want him now for sex, who knows. My best friend of 18 years is a single guy my age who grew up with my husband so we are all close friends and that is it so it is possible to be friends with a guy and just that. This ex had issues with me having male friends when we dated which is one reason we broke up but obviously I can handle and my husband trusts me, etc. I want to contact him again but not seem like a stalker. He also had his wife email me when he did and he posted on HIS Facebook wall instead of mine that I was stalking him which I'm not, I wanted to explain to him how to use Facebook but I refrained. I was so mad I didn't read his wife's email. She sounds like a young moron, she is 25 and he is almost 37 so it is obvious why he is with her..young, naive, controllable,etc..anyway, should I try to make amends? At one time we were very much in love but I messed up and it is something that I have always regretted so I feel like we can be friends and have things in common but I not a homewrecker or stalker.

[girl68]

NO! Leave him alone. And yes, I'd think the exact same thing if my ex contacts me after 20 years and claimed to be young and stupid when he dumped me. Your life has moved on, don't go back in time.

[Gigabitch]

It doesn't matter what your intentions are. What you're doing is inappropriate. When you contacted him, you were all apologies about the ancient history of your breakup, focusing on the fact that you used to be a couple.

Yes, that makes it appear as if you're interested, and frankly, I think you should back off. I think you actually ARE interested, or you wouldn't be hammering away about how much you regret losing him.

[workoutgirl1970]

I don't want to go back in time. I want to be friends in our current situation, not hide anything or cheat or anything like that. Just friends who talk, thats it.

[Gigabitch]

I would avoid that like the plague. It causes all kinds of trouble. When we were younger, maybe, but 40-ish women should leave their exes alone.

Look, I understand. I really do. I have a couple of exes who I'd love to be in touch with but I won't do it because I think it would be disrespectful of my marriage (and theirs). Just leave the guy alone.

[vashti]

Haha! How ridiculous is it that you want to be friends with someone who called you a stalker? I would have been humiliated! Don't you have any pride at all? You sound like an older version of this guy's 25 year old wife.

Anyway, what YOU want isn't all that matters. HE doesn't want to keep n touch with you, so you have to move on.

[girl68]

It's too late. The freinds opprotunity was over about 20 years ago.

[xxazurexx]

You want to be friends with a guy who got his wife to mail you and posted info on his profile that you were stalking him?

Can't you take the hint or something? He thinks you are a 'crackpot'...

The guy clearly DOESN'T want to be your friend, so it doesn't really matter what you want does it?

If you want a buddy, find a female one and not some other womans husband.

[qwertz]

Hrmmmm, ok i can kind of understand you getting in touch, just one email, thats ok. But to then send ANOTHER is just too much. You are obviously not happy and trying to go back in time- he has made it pretty clear he doesnt want to be your friend, i cant blame him, he is married- why would he suddenly want to be friends and meet for lunch with someone he dated 20 years ago? you are obviously long forgotten by him.

she is 25 and he is almost 37 so it is obvious why he is with her.

You sound jealous!!...its only 12 years, what business is it of yours why they are together?

Oh and when you did the myspace searching..you fit the stalker profile.

[cmacattack1]

Nah, the first email was too much.

Why do you feel so guilty? You were young, you did make mistakes, and you don't need to apologize (espcially 20 years later). I'm sure you have come along way since then. It just seems so suspicious that you want him so badly to be your friend. Do you really need a friend? If so, you can find them other places than an ex boyfriend.

And just for the record, he is probably pissed because his wife caught him cheating and he doesn't want to face that shitstorm again, especially with her on total alert. You just mosey on in during a horrible time for him anyway.

Wouldn't you rather have a girlfriend for afternoon mimosas after the kids have went to school instead? I'm sorry if I assume you are a stay at home mom, just most moms don't have the time for this. Unless they are unhappy.

[IndiReloaded]

It doesn't matter what your intentions are. What you're doing is inappropriate. When you contacted him, you were all apologies about the ancient history of your breakup, focusing on the fact that you used to be a couple.

Yes, that makes it appear as if you're interested, and frankly, I think you should back off. I think you actually ARE interested, or you wouldn't be hammering away about how much you regret losing him.

This^.

I don't want to go back in time. I want to be friends in our current situation, not hide anything or cheat or anything like that. Just friends who talk, thats it.

BS. Your only reference to his children is "the one he knocked up on the rebound from me". The only thing you left out was your "LOL". Then you insult his wife.

Grow up much? Leave him alone and focus your attention-seeking on your husband. Or at least a single guy if things aren't working out with hubby.

[workoutgirl1970]

You guys are absolutely correct. I need to leave well enough alone and appreciate what I have and not try to recapture what was. We are completely different people now and pursuing anything with him would be a waste of time and energy. Thank you for helping me to see that I was just caught up in finding him and not thinking clearly of repercussions if I continued to seek any kind of friendship.

[workoutgirl1970]

Nah I have friends, no kids though, thanks, good point as are all of these posts. Sometimes women as well as men get caught up in the moment and just don't think. Part of my issue is with turning 40. I am going kicking and screaming and latching on to my youth I think.

[workoutgirl1970]

I prefer men for friends, obviously most of us women can't be trusted but I have no desire to take someone elses man.

[girl68]

Bullshit most woman can't be trusted.