Is my independent girlfriend insecure?

[CompletePimp]

I am 22, she is 25. We live 100 miles apart and spend every weekend together so it's not so bad. She's very independent, owns her own house, holds a very high paying job etc. (typical strong woman traits) Yet sometimes I get these vibes that she is insecure about our relationship. This past labor day weekend SHE wanted to have some weekend nights with her gals and I thought that was great. I told her I was going clubbing with my friends, and she was also going clubbing with hers. I didn't care because I trust her yet she seemed very concerned about me going even though she was doing the same thing!
She cracked a couple of jokes about me doing something with other chicks and even said she'd call me later that day to see if I was still going and what I'd be doing if I didn't go. I told her I could text her at the end of the night to say I got home ok etc, she said no it's okay. Yet later that night texted me asking me to text her when I get home safely.
Then the next day asked how it was and I said oh just the typical clubbing night, and she was like 'oh really huh'. I reassured her. I didn't even ask about what she did but she insisted on telling me all the fun she had and I said 'awesome babe!' trying to be supportive instead of jealous.
I then saw her later that weekend and reassured her further and asked her 'you know I wouldn't ever do anything behind your back right?' and she said 'yes, of course I know you wouldn't do it. I trust you.'
But does she? Why is she jealous then when she was clubbing too with her girls. And is her using a jokative tone/cracking jokes just really cracking jokes or masking her insecurity? Is she insecure/jealous? Because she doesn't come off at the type given how independent she is.

[Asparagoose]

Why is she jealous then when she was clubbing too with her girls. And is her using a jokative tone/cracking jokes just really cracking jokes or masking her insecurity? Is she insecure/jealous? Because she doesn't come off at the type given how independent she is.

How does her being "independent" have anything to do with how secure she is? If she's aware of her insecurity, she'll naturally try and mask it with humor or sarcasm. What's more disturbing is the kind of people who are usually insecure about their SO going out alone. The people who worry the most about their SO cheating, are usually people who have cheated in the past themselves! I would be worried about her being worried about you. It should alert you to plenty of unattractive aspects about her character.

The best thing to do is to just talk to her about it.

[CompletePimp]

Well I've heard this before, the people who are concerned with their SO cheating are cheaters themselves. But we have always been very honest with each other, and she's a very mature person and very relationshippy. (She's had 2 four-year relationships before me) She said she has never cheated or been cheated on. And that she cannot do the promiscuous sex thing because she needs emotional attachment to have sex. And she hasn't had that many partners for her age. (25)
In the beginning she told me she was concerned that given that I'm younger that I wouldn't want to settle as that is what she is looking for. (since shes done with school, has a house and all that she seems to be looking to settle more than party now) So she told me in the beginning that she feared I might want to fish around more and party more but I told her I didn't, and I don't.

So this doesn't seem like the typical 'she cheated/has been cheated on before' thing. And I know she isn't cheating now at all. Because she's always texting me, and even when she's out with her friends will always text me things like 'thinking of u' etc. Plus she just doesn't give off any shady vibes like that.

[Cain]

I hope that you don't consider yourself a pimp when you're around her because then I could see why she'd be insecure about you going out.

[CompletePimp]

I hope that you don't consider yourself a pimp when you're around her because then I could see why she'd be insecure about you going out.

Lol it's just a screen name. I'm very much not a player haha. It's just one of those straight up simple names that's surprisingly never taken anywhere so I always grab it

[Asparagoose]

So this doesn't seem like the typical 'she cheated/has been cheated on before' thing. And I know she isn't cheating now at all. Because she's always texting me, and even when she's out with her friends will always text me things like 'thinking of u' etc. Plus she just doesn't give off any shady vibes like that.

Your gf sounds really sweet. From what it sounds like, she might just need a little bit more attention than most other girls. It's annoying if it's excessive, but at the same time, it's not exactly too much to ask for.

Be reasonable, and be fair to her. Maybe she just didn't get enough attention throughout her life. Something with her family, friends or growing up. Maybe that's what's causing her to feel insecure about herself. Don't be afraid to give her that affection and attention. She's not being a baby or a brat! She really does need it! Try and have a talk to her about this, and try to be considerate and understanding. Try and put yourself in her situation and really try and understand what it must feel like for her.

[CompletePimp]

Well she has had some bad family trouble as a child/growing up, yes. But the funny thing is sometimes she'll ask if we can back up just a bit and not talk AS much or text alot etc. So it's like she wants a good amount of space yet still wants attention? OY, women... :\ lol
I try to find a median in between the two but it's difficult. I don't usually call or text her unless I have something to say. (Because she asked for a bit of space, and it wasn't break up talk because I striaght up asked her and she said no way it wasnt) Like I said since she's independent she wants more space and that's totally cool with me. Though I still do sometimes text her to tell her I miss her etc. She's just hard to figure out and why she is acting so insecure.

[Asparagoose]

I don't usually call or text her unless I have something to say.

Before you contact her, give it some quality thought. Pop inside a store and think of her. Look around for something meaningful to get her. It doesn't have to be a diamond, just something that lets her know how much she's been on your mind. If she ran out of paper clips, get her some. It shows you cared enough to remember. If she loves Uniball pens, get her a whole bunch in different colors. Get creative.

Be cheesy. Write her a card. Text her something short. Even a cheesy and simple "just txtn' 2 let u know, i <3 u" can go a long way. You know it. You already think it. She just needs to hear it. She can't read your mind. And even if she could, she would still want you to say it. It's important for her to hear more than just how much you miss her. I guess you have to find the right balance between letting her feel like a strong independent woman, and yet comfortable enough to accept your affection and attention.

[CompletePimp]

Well that's the thing. The first few months I would be very attentive and made sure to let her know I was thinking of her and would always be sweet. And that's what she even told me, that she LIKES that I'm so good to her, said that I'm amazing. But at the same time wants some space since we are only 4 months in and already have to be spending 2-3 days in a row together, share her space etc. (100 miles apart, so we can only spend weekends together, hense the multiple days in a row and spending nights) So that's why I'm asking about the whole insecurity thing, because she seems like a person that likes space. But insecurity is a cry for attention isnt it?

[ecojeanne]

1) She's very independent, owns her own house, holds a very high paying job etc. (typical strong woman traits) Yet sometimes I get these vibes that she is insecure about our relationship. This past labor day weekend SHE wanted to have some weekend nights with her gals and I thought that was great.


2) I told her I was going clubbing with my friends, and she was also going clubbing with hers.

3) She cracked a couple of jokes about me doing something with other chicks and even said she'd call me later that day to see if I was still going and what I'd be doing if I didn't go.

4) Then the next day asked how it was and I said oh just the typical clubbing night, and she was like 'oh really huh'. I reassured her. I didn't even ask about what she did but she insisted on telling me all the fun she had and I said 'awesome babe!' trying to be supportive instead of jealous.

5) I then saw her later that weekend and reassured her further and asked her 'you know I wouldn't ever do anything behind your back right?' and she said 'yes, of course I know you wouldn't do it. I trust you.'.

Im not so sure she's the insecure one here:

1) she decided SHE wanted to go out and cancel meeting u as normal

2) u decided to go clubbing wth ur mates all of a sudden: was it to make her jealous since she said she needed space? maybe not....

3) maybe she knows that it was unusual for u to suddenly be goin out wth mates and picked up on ur insecurity? maybe not.....

4) because u didnt seem that excited was she dissapointed for u? u also say u were TRYING ....does this mean u were jealous? maybe not....

5) she said she trusted u

what more do u want?

[Cain]

Im not so sure she's the insecure one here:

1) she decided SHE wanted to go out and cancel meeting u as normal

2) u decided to go clubbing wth ur mates all of a sudden: was it to make her jealous since she said she needed space? maybe not....

3) maybe she knows that it was unusual for u to suddenly be goin out wth mates and picked up on ur insecurity? maybe not.....

4) because u didnt seem that excited was she dissapointed for u? u also say u were TRYING ....does this mean u were jealous? maybe not....

5) she said she trusted u

what more do u want?

From his comments, there's no way that you can say that he was the one that was being insecure. I don't really think she was being insecure either, but I definitely don't think he was.

Insecure, IMO, would have been her trying to get as many details out of you as possible and asking how many women you danced with, etc...

[CompletePimp]

Im not so sure she's the insecure one here:

1) she decided SHE wanted to go out and cancel meeting u as normal

2) u decided to go clubbing wth ur mates all of a sudden: was it to make her jealous since she said she needed space? maybe not....

3) maybe she knows that it was unusual for u to suddenly be goin out wth mates and picked up on ur insecurity? maybe not.....

4) because u didnt seem that excited was she dissapointed for u? u also say u were TRYING ....does this mean u were jealous? maybe not....

5) she said she trusted u

what more do u want?

I met her at a club. It's what I would normally always do with my friends on friday/saturday nights. I didn't go to make her jealous at all. I hang out with my friends all the time. It's just now that we are together my weekend nights are spent clubbing/barhopping but since I had the opportunity to do it again I took it up.
So right she decided to have her girls night. So why is she crackin these 'gonna hook up with other chicks' jokes, and asking me to text her after etc. I didn't say a single thing about 'did u dance with anyone else' etc when she told me about her night. She even said how they were hanging out of her friend's guy friends there and I didn't care cuz I know nothing happened. And she said she was drinking too. So it seems like she was trying to make ME feel jealous maybe because she was. When she asked about my night I said it was fun as always. I didn't go into details telling about girls I mingled with, which btw I didn't.

[ecojeanne]

unbelievably :O Oh the shock of it! i agree with cain....cain u make a good point...(knowing the way girls behave whn they are jealous)... i do believe completepimp u are searching for something thats not there

[Cain]

asking me to text her after

I don't think she should have been cracking jokes that about hooking up with other women, but I don't think asking you to text her after was being insecure.

I know that I always wanted my ex to text me when she left the bar just so I could be sure she got home safely.

[Dasein]

I think the bottom line is she probably is a tiny bit insecure but is after your insistence that she is your one and only. Sometimes even the most secure girls need to know that they are loved and the only one..it's just nice to hear.