Is there a chance for things in the future

[Amoop182]

My ex Kt and I dated for about 8 months. It ended due to insecurities she fet because of my ex girlfriend trying to come back and forth in my life. We ended up on good terms and still chat every now and then. She ended up moving back home in August. And started dating some other guy in September.

I texted her happy thanksgiving and we started chatting again. And I told her how I do still love her and explained the confusion about what was going on with my ex and she gave me a "wow I feel like such an idiot" kind of response.

Just looking for someone to analyze the convo we had

Me:All I'm saying is, we both made choices based on assumptions of someone else. We let someone else control our emotions towards each other. It didn't have to be that way but we both let Ashley manipulate us both. I know things with between you and me won't change anytime soon. And I wouldn't want it to, I want you to be happy and see your current relationship thru, but if anything does happen, know that I would always want to give it another shot, because I will always love you no matter what. Talk to you soon Kt

Kt:I can't say I don't think about you because I do. More than I rightfully should. You make a solid point and you're absolutely right .. I still have feelings for you Ant. Undeniably


She ended up wanting to talk on the phone and called me when she got out of work. We talked for like an hour about things. reminiscing about each other and how we were together and just talking about things that were misunderstood on both of our parts. I mentioned to her that I was obviously willing to give things another chance if that's what she was up for but I understand that she has a boyfriend now.

Anyway she ended up texting me the next morning

Kt:No. Ant I gotta tell you I feel really guilty for talking to you. It's not fair to nick, and he's such a great guy. I want to do what's right


I feel like maybe she just feels like it wouldn't be right to just ditch the person she is with, which I totally understand. But I mean I am going to leave things alone for now and if things don't work out with them, maybe she will come around.

Anyway. A couple days later she ended up just calling me. I didn't bring up any emotional stuff and just kept it as a casual conversation. I'm still confused as to why she keeps reaching out to me like this. I mean I love the girl and would really like a second chance with her where our feelings aren't influenced by an ex, but I mean I also do not want to keep pushing it. I told her in previous conversations I am interested, so now it's up to her what to do next. But I do enjoy hearing from her even just to talk and bull**** about things. She is a really good friend outside of our relationship we had.

Then the following day, she texted me a picture of her saying. "The day I left to move back home😕"

I asked her why the sad face? She said "bittersweet"

I asked her what she meant by that and responded with, you know what I'm getting at here.

ME: I understand why you felt you had to leave. I certainly did not do right by you and i just know that's a big reason you wanted to leave, I just was in such a weird place when we got together and you really helped me out of it. I just realized it too late and things became the way they are. But I believe if things are meant to be then they will be. For what it's worth it was worth all the while

KT:beautifully quoted. Kinda was a tear jerker for me.. Reading that

I responded with "you already know ❤️"

Then we just talked a bit after and joked around. Is there anything here?Looking for thoughts on the situation. Sorry it was such a long post

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest, in my personal opinion it would be best for you two to part ways for right now. I mean, obviously that will have to be a decision between you two, but I would personally think that is best. I don't know the specifics behind why you two broke up, or how your ex played into that. You don't have to share those details if you do not want to share them. In the end, if you both realize you made mistakes in allowing that to come between you, then that is great. If you've now both moved on and no longer blame each other or hold any remaining hurt feelings, then that is great......

But she's currently in a relationship. So, unfortunately, it just comes too late. It would have been great if fate decided that you two would share this epiphany while you were both still single, but that is not what happened. She is in a relationship, and it would be wrong of her to throw that away to be with you just as it would be wrong for you to encourage her to do just that. Who knows? Maybe in time their relationship won't work out and she will be interested in giving you another shot. But, that should not be for you to decide.

As for her, regardless of you in any way, she should really decide whether she wants to pursue things further with her current guy. That shouldn't be clouded with thoughts of an ex. Otherwise, she's not really giving him a fair chance, and I very much doubt he deserves that. I don't know him, so it isn't like I know, but anybody would deserve somebody who is at least giving their relationship a serious chance.

So, bottom line, my personal advice is that it would be best for you both if you just moved on for now. There shouldn't even be any hard feelings. If I were you, I would just say something to her to this basic effect...

"I really appreciate the time we shared together. I am sorry for how it ended, but I'm glad we were both able to move past that and become friends again. For now, though, I need to be free to pursue a meaningful relationship. This isn't your fault, but being close to you is making that hard for me. I think it is best for us both to just move on. I'll always consider you a friend, and I will always remember you fondly, but you have a relationship now and I need the chance to find mine as well."

I know you say you enjoy having her as a friend, but the problem with being friends with somebody for whom you have deeper feelings is that you often trap yourself in being unable to pursue your own relationship because you really think you just want them. You may not even realize you are doing that to yourself, but often you hinder yourself from the opportunity to find a relationship of your own.

And, Hell, admittedly that isn't ALWAYS the case. Sometimes people ARE capable of remaining friends with an ex (or somebody otherwise unavailable to them for whom they have deeper feelings) without it causing them to be holding themselves back. It's just hard to do that. Again, will have to be your decision, though. Either way, I wish you the absolute best and hope that you find your happiness very soon.... whether that turns out to be with her after all, or with somebody else.

[Amoop182]

Thank you very much for the response. I agree with you 100% I am at this point letting it be. We occasionally speak. I am not looking to tell her I need to be in a relationship with someone else yadayada. That's irrelevant and something I will do on my own. I am not really interested in being in a relationship with anyone, even if she were to come to me tomorrow and say she wanted to, I at this point need time to figure myself out, but it's good to know she still thinks and cares about me. I do want her to give the guy a fair chance because I know how unfair and ****ed that is. So I will just stay in touch here and there and just be on friendly terms with her, which I am fine with. I am not looking to cause disarray with her relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

Glad to hear it. I think you have the right mindset, then. I may have misunderstood, but I took from your initial story that you two were still in regular contact, hence my advice to kind of tell her respectively that you needed to stop that for your own healing and well-being. If you two aren't really in regular contact, then you could very well just skip that conversation (unless it somehow became necessary) and just do exactly that without the need of actually saying it.

Time heals all wounds. That can be hard to believe when the wounds are fresh, but in time you will move on. Good for you for realizing that you need some you time to heal and recover. Too often, people rush back into the dating world when they are not really ready. It can be tempting to do so, thinking that the only way to heal from a past relationship is by starting a new one. The truth is, the best way to heal from a past relationship is to do so on your own. A new relationship WILL be part of the healing process, but it should come when you are ready. It should be the end of the process, not the band-aid you put on the still bleeding wound.

Good luck to you. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders (I mean, I assume that's where you keep it anyway). I am sure in no time you will feel 100% yourself again and ready to get back out there and conquer the world. :-)

[Amoop182]

Thanks dude. I just worry for her, she kind of rushed into this with this other dude fairly quick after we stopped dating. But I mean that is for her to figure out and I can only make assumptions as to why. But I can only see how it unfolds and how she decides to move on with her life. Either way it's good to be on good terms with her. She is a great person, relationship or not