Love me and leave me

[Gooly]

Heartbroken
Sappy title, I know but I don't even know where to begin.

My common law husband and I broke up last week and I am still in shock.
I know I will get past this stage but I am so devastated over the ordeal.

We had a wonder loving relationship for the last 3 1/2 years.
2 years ago I was working and was having some difficulties in my job and he suggested I quit. We did a lot of extended travelling so working would not have allowed us that luxury as he can get a month or so off at a time. About six months ago he thought it would be a good idea for me to get back to work. He didn't want me to take any job but find something I could do from home. That was limited. I was working on a few goals and decided to pursue them after our vacation. We spend 6 weeks in Mexico and for the last 2 his daughter and her family joined us. I knew once they arrived my trip would be over as I would have to focus on them. I was fine with that.
However, after a week of their arrival he became distant. He would make plans with them and not include me or make plans but not tell me until they were ready to go. I was becoming very frustrated with his behaviour and told him so. First he was quite upset with me saying I was holding him back. All I asked was to include me when making those plans. It continued until I refused to go with them. At this point he was just angry. We had a huge fight about it and we both said things we didn't mean.

Once we arrived home he became very sullen and didn't talk to me for two days. I tried to explain my position but he wasn't interested in hearing it. Later the next day he came home and said I was keeping him on a leash and he didn't want me asking where he was going or when will he be back anymore.
I thought he was being unreasonable and tried to get him to discuss it.
He didn't want to talk any further. I decided to go visit family for a week and try to do some soul searching.
I was away 3 days when I noticed a post he made on facebook to a friend of his, saying I was his soon to be ex! I was shocked needless to say.

I tried to contact him but he wouldn't respond to the phone, texts or emails.
By now I was furious. Finally, he responded to my email by saying he was sorry that I found out that way and he didn't realize he was posting to fb but thought he was in a chat window. I guess the writing is on the wall on.
End of story.

The next day I was signing onto fb and because he used my computer while on vacation his account popped up. I didn't notice that it was his account. I wanted to send a nice little note to his daughter saying good bye and hope we could stay in touch with her and the kids. (which I consider my grand kids) I noticed the conversation in the open window and was a little confused by a past conversation I noticed. It was his account telling his daughter that we broke up. (this conversation took place prior to our actual breakup) She said I was two faced and jealous of her and her sister. Now I was really heartbroken.

i sent him a message saying how mean and cruel I thought he was for the way he handled the situation.

The next day I discovered he spoke to a friend of mine in the town I was visiting telling her that he was going to break up with me and asked her to convince me to stay there longer.

He never did respond to that one.

I was home 3 days and still he would not talk to me. He stayed at his daughters home. Well, this morning he walks in the house with this sour look on his face. I was cordial and he seemed to relax a little.
Here comes the cruncher... he actually asked if he could stay her with me until he can find a place.

I am heartbroken over this and don't know what to say. I love him very much but I have to stay strong for me.

Anyone have any advice for me?

Thank you all for listening!

Gooly
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[TablesandChairs]

I wouldn't be letting him stay for a hour, let alone longer. Tell him to stay with his friends/daughter; at the end of the day, all these people knew about his intentions of breaking up with you before you did and that alone is not acceptable. Secondly, he bad mouthed you to his daughter and made untrue claims to create an ugly situation and make himself look like a victim.

Obviously there are two sides to every story, maybe he has justified reasons, maybe not. Either way, he has shown you he no longer cares through his actions and you should show him the same in return. Don't be a doormat - he wanted it to be over and therefore that's how it should be.

He's mean spirited - adults should not break up in that way, especially after a longer relationship.

[michelle23]

i agree. pack up his stuff, kick him out and change the locks. what a nasty, heartless way to end a marriage. go no contact from him, focus on healing. you will be okay just try to stay strong

[Gooly]

Thanks, I have stood my ground thus far. He actually had the audacity to ask me for sex and a massage like that was going to happen! I do still love him and I know he now wants me back but I can't give in. I don't know where to draw the line.

[Gooly]

He is OUT!! Now what do I do?

[michelle23]

well done. now you just gotta deal with the grief. pain, anger, depression etc for awhile. its hard but stay strong and stand your ground.

feel sorry for yourself for awhile. its ok to be sad but dont dwell on it too long. soon youll have to pick yourself up and get out with your friends, keep busy, join a new hobby, focus on work or study etc

your a strong independent woman. youll be fine. this is a new chapter

[Gooly]

Thank you for your advice. Very good advice at that. The grief is so strong as is the pain of losing him. I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out how it all went wrong and where I went wrong.
It's hard, I had an interview today and it was so hard trying to get through it. I just wasn't into it al all yet I have to get to work. He said he would help out until I was on my feet again but he paid the rent and now I have to ask for money to buy food and I would rather starve.

[michelle23]

It will be really hard-the first 6 months are the worst but it gets easier. Its like any sort of grief. Have you ever lost a close relative? Its similar and it just takes time. Is there anyone else you can ask for help? Can you leave that house and move in with friends or family until you get back on your feet?