Mixed Feelings

[anonymous12]

Hello I am a male. I have quite a lot of mixed feelings and I'm unsure what I should do about them. There is this girl that I am very close to, is very cool. My problem is that I have been getting attached to her from all the time we've been spending together. Recently a lot of other guys have been flirting with her, and she seems to like the attention. She has made friends with a few of them and one in particular worries me.

This is where things get confusing for me. It worries me a lot when she's around so many other flirty guys. I'm not sure that I really want a relationship yet, but I'm also afraid that someone is going to take her away from me. You know how people tend to not know what they're missing until it's gone? That's what I think is going to happen with me. People change when they are in love with someone, and I'm not sure if things between us will change or not if she starts liking one of those guys eventually. I've been losing sleep over it recently and it makes it hard to enjoy things I'm doing if I start thinking about her at some point.

I'm not really sure what I should do. She's come to know that I've never really been interested in relationships, but recently I'm not sure if I still feel the same after getting to know her so well. I'm not very romantic though, so the whole game with chasing a female and flirting and stuff is not my kind of thing to do. Trying to impress someone is just simply something I've never cared about doing and I would feel wrong being someone else to try to get her attention.

Another thing is that I'm almost certain that she has no feelings for me, but I'm afraid to confirm if that is true or not because I don't know what would happen. It might make things awkward, or she'd talk to other people about it. I don't really want to make it a big deal.

Something I've been trying to do is break my attachment to her but spending less time with her. It is so hard to resist speaking to her and even more so to stop thinking about her. I'm an avid gamer so I try to bury myself in a video game that is engaging so I can take my mind off of things. Doing this is not easy but I'm hoping that it'll ease what I'm feeling for her and if she happens to find a boyfriend it will not pain me to know of it and have to co-exist with him.

[MerryH]

I'm not sure that I really want a relationship yet

Figure it out soon, or just accept that you don't want her right now and be happy for her if she dates someone else. You can't try to get her interested in you just to keep her on the back burner while you figure out what you want. That's not fair and also very scummy.

P.S. If you ever do want a relationship with someone, you're going to have to be flirty and "chase" a female. And, yes, you're going to have to try to impress her in certain ways. You don't have to be someone else or be a player or whatever, you just have to learn how to do these things while being yourself and not trying too hard or being over the top. That's pretty much the only way relationships start. You can't just be like, "Nah, I don't do the whole 'flirting and chasing' thing" and, what, expect relationships to fall into your lap? No. You will have a terrible time finding anyone who will respond well to a cold, unemotional character who won't even make a move. Go on, try flirting. It's fun.

[MarieCee]

Stay strong and break up with her. Accept her for who she is - a person who is never going to become your partner.