Still heartbroken :(

[Foolish_1]

Hello there

I've been with this guy for 4 months. I know, it's not long, but we were really in love. He was 25 and I was 21.
I was his first gf. We were getting along just fine until one day. It was the day after we 'celebrated' our 4 months of being together.
I was having some troubles at home and I really needed someone just to tell me that it's going to be fine.
So I texted him (we were living in different towns), told him what it's about and that I need a good word or two.
He started asking me about my problem and I told him. I see now that this is what I did wrong, but I'm that type of a person. I
won't lie or mask the truth. I had a funny feeling about his last message that day.
The next day, he texted me that he doesn't want to see me again, he changed his mobile number and that was it.
I was devastated. I couldn't understand how could he end something that was going on so well. How can he change
his feelings in one day?
I had doubts on whether to send him an e-mail or not, but my friend advised me not to send.
It's been 5 months now since the brake up and I'm still sad.
And the fact that we go to University together and I see him practically every day doesn't help here.
When he saw me in the hallway few months after the brake up, he pretended that he didn't know me. So,
I started to pretend the same way. Now, however, I see that he's changed his policy and he's constantly looking at me.
I'm trying to ignore, but it's hard.

Well, I want him back, but I don't want to send him anything. I'm frightened of his reaction, or, perhaps, his lack of it.
Is it possible that he will return or even contact me?
And what were his reasons for the brake up?
Is he gone for good?
I just don't know what to think anymore or how to act

[TheScottj]

Hello,

This may not be what you want to hear, but i follow the same policy of always being honest. You may have scared him off by going into too many of your problems at once, normally its best to slowly over time tell him of any problems you have in your life. Such as family, anxiety, depression etc. However if you really didn't say much about the problem or it was just a normal family argument. Then i don't honestly know why he would split with you. I follow the following quote "if you cant handle a girl at her worst, you don't deserve her at her best" - MM. If he is quick to leave you when you need him the most, can you really have a long lasting relationship. Knowing that when things get tough he will still be by your side?

You probably still want him because you haven't started getting over him, there is probably a lot of unanswered questions and thoughts in your mind stopping you from doing so. If he is looking at you a lot he might be interested. But i wouldn't rush into another relationship until you can figure out what happened to the last one. See what happened and then try to deiced if he is worth giving a second chance too.

As for how to think and how to act, I find it best to just be yourself. Remind yourself that there is plenty more fish out there who is more committed to a relationship and such. Also remind yourself of his faults and problems you have had as a couple. This should allow you to slowly get over him should things not work out. Also it will stop your negative thinking and get you more positive. Keep in mind you are probably amazing the way you are, so don't doubt yourself.

If you need anything else, always here. (pm etc)

Regards,
Scott

[hope555]

Hey there!
I completely understand how you feel. It is quite heartbreaking to be falling for someone, putting your hopes in them, and all of a sudden be cut off for no good reason. I have a much easier time accepting breakups when they have a solid reason to them. But that being said, you can't ignore that this is what he did to you. I don't care if you shared too much of your problems with him..thats when communication comes into play...if he felt uncomfortable with it, he can say that this is too much for him...not just run away! He's made his decision, now you make yours! If he took the decision to walk away from you, you deserve someone more mature and caring who can stand by you! I don't care if he looks at you and seems like he misses you. This is going to be hard, but he can't always have his way...leave when he wants to, and get you back when he wants to. This is a lot easier said then done because trust me, I know what it feels like to like someone a lot and want to be with them. Its like you lose your self-respect jumping through all these hoops just to be with him. Thats not the way things should be! As much as you like him, its your turn to think about yourself, and live your life...forget about him! You're very young and you'll find plenty out there. If he wants, he knows it won't be easy to get you back, and will fight for it. If he doesn't fight....find someone with balls who will Good luck and stay strong!!

[Foolish_1]

You may have scared him off by going into too many of your problems at once, normally its best to slowly over time tell him of any problems you have in your life. Such as family, anxiety, depression etc. However if you really didn't say much about the problem or it was just a normal family argument.

Yes, I thought it was a mistake, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. Just normal argument I usually have with my mother. I mean, everybody have them. My best friend is constantly arguing with her mom, and you don't see me turning my back on her.

And I've tried everything. Every time I start feeling sad about it I remind myself of the bad things in that relationship and the way he dumped me, but it's not helping me... Well, not long term anyhow

Everytime I see him I have to put so many energy into controling myself looking cool that it's tiring :S

[TheScottj]

Aww dear, Well he had no right to leave you like that. You are right that an argument with your mum is normal. It is not something that can scare a guy away as it is pretty average. It doesn't seem to me like you did anything wrong, maybe said something that upset him while talking to him. Depending how upset you was. But in my opinion it seems like he had other reasons to dump you. You shouldn't go back to him, sometimes doesn't seem right.

The only advice i can give is. Let everything out, how you feel give it a good cry and then meditate a bit. i know meditation may seem like a rather odd thing to do. But it can relax you, clear your mind and allow you to think more clear. it helps with me a wide range of problems and it should help. otherwise just keep busy as much as possible. But it seems like he lost out of a nice girl, you are only now free of a burden. Thats my opinion anyway.

Keep us up to date and take care yeah?
Scott

[damn2010]

Are you sure there is nothing you're not mentioning that could've scared him off? Seems REALLY odd for a guy to break it off with you because you had an argument with your mom.

[Foolish_1]

Are you sure there is nothing you're not mentioning that could've scared him off? Seems REALLY odd for a guy to break it off with you because you had an argument with your mom.

I know it's really odd, and it's one of the reasons I want to get in touch with him just to tell me the real reason. But, as I've stated earlier, I don't want to be the first one to start the comunication

Thank you for your advice Scott, it's helping a bit. but I know it's a process.

And another thing that's bugging me is that I dream him, a lot. Nothing big really, just that we meet and talk. That's it. But afterwards, when I wake up, I get happy and then realise that it was just a dream and get sad again. Basically, it ruins my day

[Olenjka10]

It s about difference in communication between guys and girls. When you text him just because you want him to tell you that everything is gonna be fine, he thinks that you actually want him to do something about it. He really might have been intimidated. Are you stiil talking to each other? There are ways to get him back, but it's not going to be the same and no one can guarantee that it'll last. Do you want him back so bad? After all you are only 21..there is a lot out there for you. And dont be sad. Either try to get him back or get someone else. Enjoy life, it's too short.

[Foolish_1]

When we started dating I've said to him that the comunication is the most important thing for me in a relationship. I've told him that he could ask me everything and that he could tell me if anything is wrong in our relationship. For me, there is alway a way to sort problems out.

We haven't talked since the brake up. Actually, he didn't even let me talk to him about that, just swiched off his mobile, and I didn't want to send him an e-mail.
I don't know whether I want him back, I just want to talk with him about that. I feel miserable because it's as if we never even got to know each other, not to mention being together and shared so much.
So, any advice is appreciated

I know that there are lots of guys out there, but I don't know if I'll be able to feel something even close to what I've felt for this one.

[Olenjka10]

That's so frustrating for you...really. I know all too well how it feels. But i don't see how you can change his mind about it. If you try to contact him, he might reject you and that will hurt even more. But from what i understood, he shows signs of interest now, am i right? In other words, he doesn't ignore you when you run into him in the hallway. So there is a chance he'll approach you one day. If you want him back you need to be patient. Wait and see what happens.

[Boisdevie]

If you were seeing him almost every day before you break up then why did you not talk to him face to face - texting is so impersonal. If you talked face to face you can see his reaction. And he might have had the opportunity to give you a hug. YOu can't do that via text.

[Foolish_1]

If you try to contact him, he might reject you and that will hurt even more.

That's what I fear :S
I guess you could call that interest... But he's not ignoring me anymore. So, should I countinue with me being ignorant of him now, or?


We weren't seeing each other every day, but 2-3 times a week, because we live in different towns. And I needed that hug, but he was miles away
That's why we texted...

[red_sparrow]

my BF did this to me and i just couldn't take it.
i'm not familiar with anxiety / depression and i don't understand it.

[Olenjka10]

He is not ignoring you anymore means that he is trying to talk to you? Then you probably should't ignore him. Go with a flow, let him lead and see what happens. He has to make the first move, otherwise you'll be at a huge disadvantage. He has to come back to you, not the other way around.

[Foolish_1]

hey there again

So, our short brakes are over and we went back to uni. So, things were going rather well for me. I wasn't all that sad because of him, but today everything changed. I've met him while I was on the phone and got really anxios. I don't know what was that
My palms were all sweaty and I couldn't bare to look at him. Why is this so?
I really want to re-establish eye contact. Actually, will that be a good idea to try to win him back (or at least to make him talk to me)?