should i end it... for now?

[jen913]

so i have been with my guy for nearly 3 years. we started dating when i was a senior in high school (17 yrs old) and he just graduated (18 yrs old) from the same school. we not both go to the same college. he is 21 and im 20.

he knows my whole past pretty much and i know 'most' of his. we never had any cheating in our relationship or anything like that. its been pretty solid. but thats because there is no room for anything because we are together 24/7. literally. at school we are always together. and when we come home, he doesnt live at his home, he lives with me at my moms house in my one room that i have here. i dont really go out because the majority of my friends are male (with the exception of one girl) and he is really clingy and jealous. when we argue he always brings up my past and a couple of the guys that he knew i had relationships with, and he makes me feel like shit. i cant talk to any new guys because either a) they know i am with him and are afraid to talk to him because he might say or do something or b) im afraid he will say something to me. i really would like to go see some friends that i havent seem in 3 years since ive been with him, but im afraid too. i talked to a few of my friends about him and they said that they think i should take a break from him for a little while an just be free for a while because they said i got tied down a little too young.

there is way more involved in why im thinking about 'taking a break' but i dont think i have the time to write it all, nor do people have the patience to read it all'

[shh!]

You parents did you a HUGE disservice in allowing him to move in with you. They are supposed to protect you from obviously bad ideas, not help you carry them through. The fact that he is living in your family home complicates things exponentially.

Tell whichever parent was responsible for allowing this to happen that they need to help you figure out how to get rid of this guy. You really ARE too young to be tied down, and you are wasting your youth on a guy who is very unlikely to last.

[devilz advocate]

He's just very protective with you. That he doesn't want you to mingle with your friends because he's thinking that maybe you will find another guy and leave him.

Does your parents don't get mad with you for letting your bf live you in your parents house?

[devilz advocate]

its nice being single!

[Cain]

its nice being single!

Not to everyone.

[Yacker]

I agree with shh, you guys are way too dependent on each other or at least he is on you which gets him jealous. You need to have your own lives and space. When you live in your parents house your space is your room. No wonder you feel so captive by it all, break it off and have him get his own place with one of his own friends. You need to grow on your own at such an early age and it sounds like this won't last in the state it is in anyway. Good luck.

[jen913]

i live with just my mom and she allowed it after a while. he refuses to go back and stay with his dad. i offer to just drop him off for the day so he at least sees his family and he doesnt want to. both my parents, and both of his parents want us to get married and have kids. the fact that our parents are involved makes it even harder. i mean, hes in the room now looking up baby names. and hes so happy about having a future with me and i know i will hurt him tremendously if i break it off. i was thinking of just 'taking a break' to see how it goes then if somehow we get back together, we'll make it work if he changes his ways a little bit... i mean, i do love him, but its just too much for me right now. hes smothering me

[shh!]

If your parents love him so much, let THEM be stuck with him. Find yourself a (girl) room mate and move out. You are too young to be thinking of marrying anyone... You should be fully independent for a couple of years before you even start daydreaming about it.

Your parents should have their parenting card torn to pieces... they are completely and utterly negligent.

[Only-virgins]

Break off with him, do it for yourself. Take everyones advice on here. Just be careful...sounds like he may become unstable when you break it to him. there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to see your friends..male or not.

[jen913]

uugh. its so hard though. i've been trying to avoid him, even though we live in the same little area. i've been leaving the house and leaving him home. i've been going to sleep earlier than him. just a bunch of little things.

im the type of person who 'feels bad' a lot when doing something. ill 'feel soooo bad' if i do this because he thinks everything is ok, then i come and break it off and it will come out of no where. i mean i understand if we were to be in a 'healthy' relationship i shouldnt feel like this and i shouldnt feel like im stuck... but... i dunno.

thanks for all the advice so far tho. i know what i need to do now, but now its just how and how to react afterwards...and if i caaan do it. i mean, my mom asked me yesterday when we r going to get engaged

[Cain]

uugh. its so hard though. i've been trying to avoid him, even though we live in the same little area. i've been leaving the house and leaving him home. i've been going to sleep earlier than him. just a bunch of little things.

im the type of person who 'feels bad' a lot when doing something. ill 'feel soooo bad' if i do this because he thinks everything is ok, then i come and break it off and it will come out of no where. i mean i understand if we were to be in a 'healthy' relationship i shouldnt feel like this and i shouldnt feel like im stuck... but... i dunno.

thanks for all the advice so far tho. i know what i need to do now, but now its just how and how to react afterwards...and if i caaan do it. i mean, my mom asked me yesterday when we r going to get engaged

It seems like your parents are trying to force this and that's entirely unhealthy. They should be waiting for you to decide when you're ready, not pressuring you to do it... especially with someone that is unstable enough emotionally to cut their wrists for attention.

[fruitcake]

so i have been with my guy for nearly 3 years. we started dating when i was a senior in high school (17 yrs old) and he just graduated (18 yrs old) from the same school. we not both go to the same college. he is 21 and im 20.

he knows my whole past pretty much and i know 'most' of his. we never had any cheating in our relationship or anything like that. its been pretty solid. but thats because there is no room for anything because we are together 24/7. literally. at school we are always together. and when we come home, he doesnt live at his home, he lives with me at my moms house in my one room that i have here. i dont really go out because the majority of my friends are male (with the exception of one girl) and he is really clingy and jealous. when we argue he always brings up my past and a couple of the guys that he knew i had relationships with, and he makes me feel like shit. i cant talk to any new guys because either a) they know i am with him and are afraid to talk to him because he might say or do something or b) im afraid he will say something to me. i really would like to go see some friends that i havent seem in 3 years since ive been with him, but im afraid too. i talked to a few of my friends about him and they said that they think i should take a break from him for a little while an just be free for a while because they said i got tied down a little too young.

there is way more involved in why im thinking about 'taking a break' but i dont think i have the time to write it all, nor do people have the patience to read it all'

Okay a bit freaky...your 1st post describes me and my gf almost EXACTLY right down to the numbers(age, years). Even your name is very similar

Anyways, I love my GF alot and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Your bf honestly sounds alot like me including the bad parts about being jealous etc.(seriously, every detail is the same). I know I am not perfect but I can say I love her 100% and there was never a moment after I fell in love, that I didn't. I am not your bf so I duno how he really is, Im just going by what your telling me and its freakishly similar. My gf has "taken a break" and proceeded to dump me afterwards, breaking my heart. She also did a number of things that broke my heart, and I can say I am very scared emotionally probably for the rest of my life, but that's another problem..
My only thing is that, if you are going to take this break, do it for the right reason. If you want to take a break to "test the waters" then I would say just break up with him, don't hurt him like my girlfriend did to me. If you are taking a break to find yourself, etc. etc. and not fooling around with other guys etc, then by all means talk to your bf, let him know and BE HONEST and Im sure he would let u take a break. But from the sound of it, I think you are just wanting to test the waters, so I say just break things off. My gf tested the waters for about 2 months after she dumped me (she asked to remain friends, and she knew i still loved her alot, talked to her daily) and I had no clue until she found someone that could replace me, then she slapped it in my face on my birthday. And yes it nearly killed me, literally.

What I wish my gf did was, dump me and just break all contact with me, saying bye bye forever. It would have spared me 90% of the pain I felt. So I think just tell him the whole truth and just end it...

[fruitcake]

oh and do it now if you haven't done so..
and not for now, for good.
please, for my sake and your boyfriends.

[Dasein]

uugh. its so hard though. i've been trying to avoid him, even though we live in the same little area. i've been leaving the house and leaving him home. i've been going to sleep earlier than him. just a bunch of little things.

im the type of person who 'feels bad' a lot when doing something. ill 'feel soooo bad' if i do this because he thinks everything is ok, then i come and break it off and it will come out of no where. i mean i understand if we were to be in a 'healthy' relationship i shouldnt feel like this and i shouldnt feel like im stuck... but... i dunno.

thanks for all the advice so far tho. i know what i need to do now, but now its just how and how to react afterwards...and if i caaan do it. i mean, my mom asked me yesterday when we r going to get engaged

I hate to break it to you but most people feel bad when contemplating a break up. What you need to weigh up is the fact that it will make you feel bad in the future if you don't act upon it now. Protracting things in these situations is always the wrong thing to do. Sure you will hurt him. Sure your Mum will probably not understand. What you need to understand is yourself. No one else can tell you how you feel and if you feel that this is the wrong relationship for you then act on it.

At your age you should be enjoying life with friends. Not spending 24/7 in fear of being happy with friends.

You are going to have to sort something out. How likely is it for him to go back home? Can you move out at all? Can you have an honest chat with your Mum for support?