marriage advice?

[wes93moon]

hi so i separated from my wife this past march and we already signed divorce papers but they haven't gone through and i realize why were getting the divorce and have been working on myself for the past 5-6months and i want her back so yesterday we spent all day together first time since the separation and i was getting alot of mixed signals like she was flirting alot and at the same time she was kinda distant and seemed like she just wants to be single im not sure what to do. shes under the impression i just want to be friends now but me and her both know we cant just be friends so should i tell her or wait and tell her im not sure what to do or how to act around her im scared when we are around each other i come off as a ass cause i dont know what to do

[Wakeup]

Why don't you talk to her about all ^^^ that? Have you told her you'd like to try again? If you did, what did she say? If you didn't, then why didn't you?

[michelle23]

You need to tell her how you feel before its too late. If shes not interested than you and she cant be friends. Move on if you dont get the answer your hoping for

[wes93moon]

well i tried to get back with her since the day she left. and didnt give her any space which brought on the divorce. so lately i have let it go and just trying to be a good friend she even tried dating again and it didnt work out

[Wakeup]

I asked have you talked to her about wanting her back and what was her answer if you have. Trying to get her back when she has no intentions of wanting you back is a waste of everyone's time. Why would you want to be in her life at the demoted state of "friend?" If you don't have children then there is little value in longing to be more then her friend while you be only that.

[michelle23]

What caused yhe separation?

[wes93moon]

yea we have a child. so we have to see each other at least twice a week, what caused the divorce is we let the world get the better of us, i lost my job couldn't find one, lost our apartment, just had a baby, and i was just a ass to her, but since then i found steady work, got some physiological help, and she knows this

[wes93moon]

when i we first separated she told me she doesn't want a divorce she just needs time to her self to do whats best for her and our daughter and that she just needed space well this idiot right here didn't give her that space called her everyday which pushed her to divorce and all she ever did was bring up the bad times. then yesterday all she could talk about was the good times and we did things we use to and she seemed really happy but im scared she thinks if we get back together its just gonna be like last time

[michelle23]

You could fix it if shes willing. You gotta give her space though like she requested. Tell her now you still love hrr deeply and your sorry for everything but you respect her wishes. Thats all you can do. The ball is in her court then

[Wakeup]

Well then you should talk to her about wanting her back and taking it slow. To maybe put the divorce off until you're both 100% sure that the marriage can't be salvaged. Have you talked about going to couples councelling? You've worked hard at making you a better you... congratualations. Has she told you that she's proud of your accomplichments, that she can see a positive change in you? Has she given you any indication that she thinks the divorce should wait? Talk to her, communication and being able to talk to your wife about anything is the only way your relationship will survive.

[wes93moon]

well shes not saying she wants space now that was almost 6months ago she said she wants to be friends and hang out and stuff

[wes93moon]

well she wanted to go get marriage counselling when we were together and i blew it off, i tried to talk to her about counselling after we separated and she turned me down, she has acted like she proud of me or impressed but some times i feel as she thinks im putting on a act of what she wants to get her back

[horndog]

Ask her if she would be willing to put the divorce papers in a lockbox and "date" you for a year. Keep separate living arrangements if you can afford it and be a responsible father by helping to support your child and wife but give her some space to decide for herself if you are done being an "ass". If she does not want to do that then let her sign the papers and keep a strong presence in your child's life and see where it leads.