Advice on Married Co-Worker

[todd2013a]

Hi,

I have a married co-worker that I have a crush on. In addition I am married as well. My co-worker have chatted via im message at work back and forward. Usually our chats are about general office stuff or work, or about general frustrations in the office.

Recently I transferred to the team she is on (as my previous team was over loading us with work). Now that we are on the same team we have more interaction. Last week she sent me an IM asking me if I would like to go to lunch on Friday or sometime the following week. Normally she doesn't leave the office for lunch. In fact a few years ago we were kidding around that she didn't have any vacation time and I still had my maximum allowed vacation. She asked me if I wanted to donating my vacation time and I said sure, she asked what it would cost her and you could buy me lunch. Her response then was I couldn't do that as it would require me leaving the building.

I accepted her offer. We went to lunch on Friday (nothing special just to Subway) and had a nice chat. Over the weekend I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. In addition I am trying to determine if she was asking me to go to lunch to be friendly or because she also has a crush on me as well.

Am I reading to much into her offer? Would most married woman ask another married guy to go to lunch?

[Archie]

You are indeed reading too much into her offer.
It's natural that you can get friendly with someone you work together in the office and have a common tongue with, so having lunch together is absolutely no big deal. Don't do anything stupid as you might come to regret in the future.
Also, she's a co-worker, you don't want to date anyone from your job, it's nasty business if it goes haywire.

[Am I crazy?]

Having a crush on somebody is a natural thing. Acting upon the urges that come with a crush are a different thing. It sounds like she just likes being your friend and you can never have too many friends. Keep things in perspective and enjoy the friendship. I would not try to read anything into her offer.

[smackie9]

Dude WTF are you doing? This is how emotional affairs start which in turn will jeopardize both your marriages, your work relationship and possibly your jobs. Don't be a fool, we all know where you would like this to be going. What you should be asking is, what can I do to improve my marriage because I am starting to desire my co-worker and my feeling are getting out of control.

You need to take a step back and consider the consequences of your actions. You owe it to your wife tell her things are not good with your marriage (lack of sex, boredom, etc) and focus on making that better with communication, or maybe with counseling or looking into some books on the subject. Emotional affairs makes things worse....all you will be doing is escaping from your problems, and in the process end up hurting others out of your own selfishness. You should be addressing what is going on at home and not at work. So keep your relationship with your co-worker professional and restricted to the office....no more going out for lunches, which will turn into drinks after work, etc. Again don't be a fool.