Should I give him one more chance to make this right?

[shessy00]

I am in a relationship with a guy and we have been together for four months, we took it really really fast, go ahead call me nuts I know I am. We have both slept in the same bed and showered together from the very day we met, we moved in together the week after we met which we did so by moving 800 miles from home which didn't work out and we returned home and still living together. He asked me to marry him on July 2nd 2011 <3. He got me a ring on August 16th 2011 <3. The beginning of the relationship I was not sure if I wanted to be with him because it was hard to let love in I have been really hurt before so I would threaten to break up with him about really small dumb stuff. I think I made him feel the relationship was insecure and when I stopped doing that and started loving him a lot he started doing that. I love this man with all my heart. Sometimes I screwed it up by being psycho and freaking out over dumb stuff even if I didn't leave him. I went a whole week without doing that stuff last week and he said he was happy he loves me wants to be married and wants children. Thats exactly what I want but I am so unsure what to do. He has told me he doesn't love me twice but then says its bullshit that he said that and was just angry/upset. He says he feels calmer without me there etc. Then he says maybe he is just upset because our pocketbooks are not doing so great and we can't do much fun stuff etc. He can't freeking decide hes toying with me. Last night he didn't want to give me a few minutes of his attention out of the whole day w.o acting like its such a big deal calling me clingy saying hes not clingy etc. He tried to leave me and then said he wants to be with me and starts crying. I just don't understand what he wants?? I have told him each time this happens to make a FINAL decision and he always says yes I am sure, then it happens again. I really stressed it to him this time he needs to make a decision or I am gone. I don't want to but it would be what is best for me at that point. He says now he is talking against drugs & alcohol (which he occasionally likes but not real bad) to his coworkers and about how he wants kids and to raise them right. He texted me and said "you are my boo and I want you and love you and miss you LOVE<3" and that he wants kids with me and stuff. Should I give him one last chance to make this right? I really love him.
Thank you SOOO much for all the advice!

[Wakeup]

> On the odd chance you're not a troll I'll tell you to grow up and stop talking about having a baby with a man you've only known 4 months. How old are you 13? You don't bring children into the world until you're sure your partner loves you and you love him and you can afford through finances and emotional development to be able to raise them to be good citizens of this world. You don't have clue by the sounds of things.

[shessy00]

I am not a troll. I am not 13 I am 20 years old and this is a real post , sorry if my situation sounds strange to you. We aren't talking about having kids now but later. If we get married thats not even going to be for about a year. The problem is this guy can not decide about me so I don't know if I can believe him when he says what he wants. I do love him and I do know what love is, (I was in a 5 year relationship).

[Wakeup]

Please go on birth control so an accidental pregnancy doesn't happen.

I'll say that of course he can't decide if he wants to marry you or not he doesn't even know you. Where's your family, friends, mother, father and why do you jump into a live in arrangement with someone you don't even know?

Further: Just because you've been in a relationship for 5 years, it doesn't mean you know what love is. Just going by the tumultuousness of the one you're currently in it's not hard to imagine that you simply stay in a relationship because you're afraid to be alone and you'll stick it out regardless if you love em or not or if he treats you poorly you'll stay... which is codependency and not love.

My suggestions:

> Quit worrying about whether you should marry him and have his kid and worry more about not having his kid when neither of you are ready for such a responsibility.

> Quit making him make a decision before he knows enough about you to tell if he can stand you or not.

> Quit jumping from one relationship to another and learn to live independently on your own and know how to make your own living so you don't have to depend on some man to look after you. You went from the age of 15 to 20 in one relationship and then not even 10 minuites later you're in another one. You're a baby talking about having a baby and trying to make a man decide something life-changing when he doesn't even know you. That's just Crazy talk.

[shessy00]

Well there is one correction (which I guess was because I was just not specific enough) is that I broke up with my ex 10 months ago, the relationship was really only 4 and a half years long, so its not 10 minutes later that I am in a new one.

[devonbrown]

OP, that is beside the point. Wakeup is exactly right. You BARELY know this guy. And I know that since you moved so fast at first, it seems like you have known him a very long time, but you really haven't.

Also, it seems like both of you are pretty clingy. I would advise you to split apart and live on your own for a while. Discover who you are and let him discover who he is. Maybe after you two figure that out for yourselves then you can think about the relationship.

[shessy00]

Honestly I think after living with someone for four months you do know them pretty well.

[Wakeup]

Oye Vey! At the 4 month period most people are still in the honeymoon stage and aren't even seeing the things that they will eventually start to notice and then have to decide if what they're noticing is something they can live with for the rest of their lives or not. 4 Months is 4 seconds in the scheme of a lifetime.

Leave if you can't give the boy the time he needs to decide if you're as psycho as you're starting to appear to be to me. I have no connection to you so I can see these things quicker than your bf who is likely still "honeymooning." Although by that comment of his about being "less stressed" when you're not around, I'm strarting to think he's figuring a few things out right now as we speak.

Relax yourself.

[Gal4Love]

Focus on yourself and not him. I say leave... give both you and him time. Do not live with him... DATE him and go from there. There is SO much so still need to learn. Learning about a person takes time, not 4 months. You are so young still, enjoy life and yourself. :-)

[bluesummer]

I've lived with my HUSBAND for four years and I'm still learning things about him. Four months is barely scratching the surface.

Why can't you just gve this time? It sounds like the two of you really need to cool off and can the marriage talk and just figure out if your relationship works or not. When you BOTH figure out that you definitely want to be together.....meaning give it a year or two with no breakups or talk of breakups......then MAYBE you can consider putting marriage back on the table. At this point you are setting yourselves up for disaster. You are only 20 you say......well you are still so very young and have so much time to figure out who the right person is for you. Just remember, real love isn't painful. A small fight once in awhile is okay, but when you're constantly having to discuss whether you want to be together or whether or not you love each other, there is just red flags going up everywhere here. Stop and think.