I need help...

[Orohisiel]

Ok, so this isn't really about me and a guy, it's about the affects of relationships on friends. My best friend got a boyfriend, and i'm ok with that, except her bf is my brother. I wouldn't have a problem with that, in fact, i wanted them to get together coz i thought it would be cool but i've changed my mind now. i know it sounds selfish but i can't help how i feel. When they just fancied each other, she was sleeping over at my house quite alot, i don't know if it was just to see him but that's how it felt. The first thing she'd do when she woke up was go into my brother's room and she would be in his room or downstairs with him for most of the night, only returning to my bedroom when my mum forced her to. Now they're together. She knew i had a problem with her going off with him and we had several discussions about it and i thought we'd sorted it out but we hadn't coz the same thing happened again the next day. She said that she would share time equally between me and my brother but she doesn't. She only comes round to my house now because she's with my brother, and she hardly talks to me. i have to admit that i don't make and effort trying to talk to her but i feel really uncomfortable around her now, like i hardly know her at all. I also feel that even if we were still best friends, i couldn't tell her anything because she would tell my brother. I'm really depressed over it all but thankfully another friend (who i have not seen for months because i've been off school with illness) has been visiting me alot and sleeping over and stuff so i'm not as lonely as i could have been, or as i feel. Any suggestions on what i should do????

Thanks.

[squirrley]

I'd suggest just letting this ride out. I dont think this relationship is going to go towards marriage right now. But I would talk to her, let her know you miss your friendship. And leave it at that. Youve found someone else to share secrets with, which is great. Youre right, I wouldnt tell her anything personal, she would tell your brother not to hurt you, but theyre bound to share things.

Just let her know you miss the friendship. Chances are their relationship will be short lived. Let her know you'll be there for her. But remember blood is thicker than water! In this case you cant say, boys will come and go, friends are forever, cuase its your bro! In the meantime, just play it cool, dont get in the middle of anything going on between them!

[sfalexi]

Also, this is very common. When someone gets into a relationship, their priorites change. They see their friends less and their boyfriends more. In your inconvenient situation, you happen to live in the same house which makes you feel like you're being "ignored" and "used". Which is (sorry to say), probably true.

But even if she had a different boyfriend, you would have not had as many phone calls from her. Nor would you be hanging out with her as often as before. The only good thing to the boyfriend being out of the house is that you would not literally SEE her everyday and so you wouldn't have been REMINDED everyday that she's spending more time with him. One of those "out of sight, out of mind" situations.

I agree with squirrely. And I'd also ask her not to sleep over all the time. Think of a nice way to tell her that you don't think it's very fair that she's using "you" as an excuse to sleep over her boyfriend's house (which is probably the way she's seeing it).

Just keep in mind that it's not anything AGAINST you. It's just that when someone gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, they tend to put that person above others. So when you and her boyfriend are in the same place at the same time (which is ALWAYS in your case), she'll pretty much always stick next to the boyfriend. But it's not that she still doesn't think you're a great person.

Rod Steele

PS - Smart move on picking and choosing the secrets you tell her. But on the same token, be prepared for your brother letting her know all your embarressing stories that you may not have already told your friend. Couples love to share the juicy stuff.

[Orohisiel]

Thanks for your advice, it helped he alot.