Am I beng a fool and letting trust fromt he past get in the way fo new love?

[thisname]

Hi all, I have quite a few trust issues from the past that I wont go into here but I am into a 4 month relationship with a great girl but I still have some trust issues which are getting in the way and I wanted a female perspective on things.

Basically the girl I am with is very affectionate towards me, we both tell each other that we love each other and generally have a very strong relationship. She talks about us in the future and we plan things and she clearly sees us in the longterm. However she has this male friend who she gets on very well with and I don't know how to react to their behavior.

They txt, msn, meet up and generally get on very well. He is a decent chap but very unlucky in love and doesn't seem to meet girls very well although he has a big social group.

Last night I went round hers and he was there. They seem to get on very well but I felt quite freaked by the fact that he asked to have a shower there whilst I was there and she said yes so we were there whilst he was in the shower. Had I not been there, he would have had a shower no doubt and I wonder whether this is normal behavior or overstepping the mark a little?
(when he went in the shower she was all over me but when he was around she wasn't which i assume is because she didn't want him to feel awkward?)

Also, when he left he said he was not going to be around for a couple of weeks and she seemed gutted and was pressing to see when they could next meet, and mentioned about chatting on msn etc.

Later with the two of us she said she really wants to find someone for him and asked if I know any girls as he was having no luck but in the back of my mind I was thinking that if he met someone she would be jealous?

So later that night things were back to just us but it was racing in the back of my mind and then the following morning when we went to make love I found I was unable to get an erection because the whole thing was in the back of my mind and I felt horrible. (in 4 months this was the first time ever this has happened)

I guess, I don't know if I am reading too much into things or if I have a right to feel slightly miffed. She really does care for me, I can tell that, by what she does for me and what she says but the trust just is not there for me yet and I wonder if there is anything I can do to change this.

Basically from a female perspective, what do you make of this? Is it ok for a woman to have a boyfriend and a really close male friend who is not gay?

I know I sound like a worrier (I think and over analyze way too much and I know it!)

Any female thoughts would be great.

Cheers!

[Cain]

Honestly, if she had this male friend before you two dated, you have no right to be irritated with this situation.

[thisname]

Honestly, if she had this male friend before you two dated, you have no right to be irritated with this situation.

She did have the friend before meeting me. So you would say I am totally overreacting and reading too much into things?

Relationships are new to me this is why I sometimes get things wrong.

[Cain]

She did have the friend before meeting me. So you would say I am totally overreacting and reading too much into things?

Relationships are new to me this is why I sometimes get things wrong.

Even if you weren't overreacting, she had this friendship with this guy before you came around, so you don't really have a right to try to change that.

Yes, some women have close male friends. If you try to distance them, you might piss her off. Just keep an eye on the other guy. That's it.

[Dasein]

You know what? It sounds like they are just really good friends. I think you should try to be a bit more trusting as it sounds like you could have a very nice relationship together.

[michzel creativ]

Yeah cain is right,"keep an eye on the other guy".
Why wont you open that topic to her, accept the fact that you are jealous with that guy. Some woman really treasure friendship.

[ecojeanne]

i have to say it didnt bother me that my ex was jealous...infact it made me feel more important to him...however u cant let ur jealousy interfere with the friendship they have... its ok to feel jealous...i also agree that u do need to watch the friends behaviour but not to the point where it makes u worry constantly

[ecojeanne]

(when he went in the shower she was all over me but when he was around she wasn't which i assume is because she didn't want him to feel awkward?)

it also sounds like she may already be aware that u might get jealous because it seems like she was trying to reassure u when he was in the shower

[Tedel]

Even if you weren't overreacting, she had this friendship with this guy before you came around, so you don't really have a right to try to change that.

Yes, some women have close male friends. If you try to distance them, you might piss her off. Just keep an eye on the other guy. That's it.

Cain took those words from my mouth.