HELP! She Thinks I Cheated...

[ALEXGORDON]

Guys.. I need a lot of help.. I'll split this all up so it can stay a bit organized, since it's long

My Girlfriend, Tanna:
Her name is Tanna, and she's the most incredible girl I've ever met.. I'm always thinking about her and how mind-blowing she is, how she's so unlike any other girl out there and so damn special that she could have any guy she could ever want. Just being with her makes me feel like the luckiest guy on the planet. Anyway, we've been together for a little over seven months now and I have loved every single minute of it. I really think she's the one, and I'm so ****ing deeply in love with her.

Her Bestfriend, Amanda:
She lives with my girlfriend, they're closer than a lot of sisters, and well, she doesn't like me very much. That's all I can really say about her considering I really don't know her much at all. We've only talked briefly a couple times.

The Problem:
Amanda told my girlfriend that I cheated on her with her, and..... She believes her..
Thing is, I didn't cheat.. AT ALL.

How it went down:
Well, last night Amanda told my girlfriend that a few months ago (I question why she's JUST saying something about it to my gf) me and her were talking on Facebook's IM chat and I gave her a bunch of hearts and shit in our conversation. WHICH IS COMPLETELY FALSE.. I swear not one bit of that is true. But of course, them being so close, my girlfriend ends up believing Amanda over me..

Now I'll be honest, when she didn't believe me, that really caught me off guard and hurt a lot.. Because we've spent a large amount of our relationship talking about how we're the only people in this ****ed up world that we can truly trust. So hearing her believe Amanda over me really made my heart sink..

After struggling to put that past me, I asked her why she would believe that.. She told me that if it was anyone else saying that, she would believe me instead, but, my girlfriend believes Amanda instead because she's like a sister to her, and that she has never lied to her before, and that Amanda swears on absolutely everything that what she's saying is true; also that unlike me, she has no reason to lie.

I tried countering that by reminding her that I've never lied to her either, and that I swear on absolutely everything that I never cheated on her. I also tried reminding her of how against cheating I am (I feel I'm more against it than most people), that if I were to ever actually cheat on her, I would come to her MYSELF and tell her about it, because the guilt of doing something like that would kill me. Not to mention, that if I ever cheated on her, I'd be so sickened with myself that I wouldn't think she should be with me, I'd be undeserving. And after saying that, I told her that's why I have no reason to lie either.. Because that would have gone against everything I stand for.. But still, unfortunately, she didn't believe me..

Eventually that night, she broke up with me.. :/ That's when things really got terrible.. The girl I love left me because she thinks I did something that I didn't even do.. IT KILLED ME.. I tried asking her to imagine what she's doing if I was actually telling the truth, and that she's destorying our entire future.. I asked her how she would feel if she found out I was telling the truth.. and she said, "I would.. feel really bad, apologize.. a lot.. Think that I'm incredibly stupid for breaking up with you, and laugh at how .. I'm crying. I wouldn't be able too forgive myself for putting you through this even for the first minute.." but then she just followed up after saying that, by saying "but you did cheat..so..".

So there I was again, pleading to her that I really didn't, but guys, no matter what I tell her, no matter how much I promise her, no matter how many things I swear on, she doesn't believe me.. And it hurts so much..

Anyway it's been like that for a while. But fast forward from last night to tonight, we were doing more talking, and you could tell that she wishes she was wrong about things (she is, she just doesn't believe it), and she wishes that she could just believe me.. But I ended up asking her to take me back, to trust me that I'm telling her the truth and have hope that I can prove it to her. So she did.

Now I'm here, asking you guys because I'm completely desperate :/ How the hell can I prove such a thing? I swear I never cheated on her, that's a fact. But she's not believing my words, and me and Amanda's conversation on facebook was on it's Instant Messanger so the conversation wasn't saved.. I really have no idea how to prove I'm being honest with her, and I really, really don't wanna lose this girl who means absolutely everything to me.. Tanna is my world and I would never, ever do something so horrible to her, and I just wish she would come to that realization.. Because I thought that was obvious before last night.. :/ So guys.. suggestions? Please.. Help me prove to her she's wrong..


Also: Side-note.
I said I didn't know much about Amanda and that's true. But I do know my girlfriend inside and out, and I know she wouldn't make her best friend some cold hearted liar. I said Amanda doesn't like me, and that's true, but I don't think she would go as far as to lie to Tanna and try to break me and her up.. I really hope that isn't the case.. I actually believe that Amanda may have me confused for someone else, or something of that sort where she THINKS I was doing something when I really wasn't and she's just completely mistaken..

Also this has apparently happened before with a couple of my girlfriend's ex's. Where they have hit on Amanda while being with her? I guess? Which completely sucks for me because now I get grouped in as just one of those guys even though I never did that.. :/


HELP, EVERYONE.. HELP.. How can I convince her?

[ammi00]

Something's definitely fishy.
From what I understood, your (fictive) conversation with Amanda happened a couple of months ago, but she told Tanna "the truth" only recently. If that would have been true, why did Amanda let Tanna getting involved with you, if she knew you were a liar? And why did she tell her this, when things were going perfectly between you?
Also, what kind of cheating is she talking about (hitting on her/ having sex with her etc.)?
Does anyone have access to your accounts or passwords? And another question - did Tanna have any other reason to break up with you?
I think you could plan a metting with both of them (simultaneously of course), expose the problem and your arguments (without sounding desperate) and see what they have to say.

[hello1]

That Amanda is one jealous bitch!! Try and talk to Amanda on msn and save the conversation. Go and talk to her face to face and hide a voice recorder. You need evidence! She needs to know how messed up her friend is and how she is willing to risk her friend happiness because she is jealous of you.

[ammi00]

I came back to add that only because two girls appear to be very-super-mega good friends, it doesn't mean there's no jealousy between them. How Rivarol said - friendship between women is just a temporary suspension of hostilities
I suspect Amanda of being jealous either on her friend, either on you.

[reeba]

ever hear of the term frien-emey? i would point out to your gf that if what Amanda is saying is true, why did she keep it to herself for all these months? something must have happenned recently to make Amanda turn her against the relationship. did Tanna stand up her best friend to hang out with you? did Amanda recently have her heart broken by a guy?

[smackie9]

Amanda is very jealous of you taking Tanna away from her. She see you two getting real close so she is stepping in to fix that.

If they are that close, you are going to have to include Tanna is some of your activities and let her get to know you better. This will stop her from feeling threatened.

Now the best thing to do, about this cheating thing, is to get the two of them together and have a discussion about this accusation. Ask Amanda, in her own words, how is it that you were cheating on Tanna. Sometimes it's best to hit this head on. Being confrontational will actually bring out the truth of the matter and she just may get caught in the lie.

[gigigi4]

your situation sucks, i'm sorry i agree w/ other people's comments, just want to add that this might be a pattern of malicious behavior by amanda- you said in your side note that this had happened before with tanna's exes hitting on amanda- but could it be the case that actually amanda has a pattern of making these false accusations against whoever tanna is dating, claiming that they hit on her or tried to cheat w/ her or something? it would be really twisted, but doesn't sound impossible based on what you said....
as to how you can convince her- i agree it's best to show tanna that amanda is lying without actually flat-out accusing her (as this might make you look like the desperate one or liar or something if she still believes her friend over you). face to face meeting might work but is also risky depending on exactly what amanda told tanna...

[ALEXGORDON]

Hm.. Thanks for the reply guys, a few things

I do agree that it's a bit odd that Amanda only JUST brought this up if it apparently happened months ago, I should probably talk to my girlfriend about that and see what she has to say about that too..

What kind of cheating was it? I think Amanda is only claiming that I was hitting on her. You know, giving her hearts in our conversation, etc.

I guess after thinking about the idea of her being jealous kind of makes sense.. I mean, they live together, but Tanna and I are always spending as much time as we possibly can together.. So I can see how Amanda would really not like that, especially if she already didn't really like me. But again, this goes back to my main post, I don't really know Amanda directly, but from what Tanna has told me, she seems like a good girl, I mean, I don't think she's the type of person to do such a thing...

And finally, yes this has happened to some of her ex's. I don't know how much, it's just when Tanna first confronted me about it, she said it's not the first time this has happened to her. I don't think they were false accusations though. Because apparently the first time this happened with an ex of her's, she struggled to go through and believe Amanda, but in the end it turned out the guy actually cheated.

Which again, like I said, sucks for me because that just makes me out to be doing the same thing even though I'm not. :/


I know how just reading this it may come off that my relationship may come off with trust issues or something but that's really not the case at all. We've had situations in the past where we've been put through the test of how much we trust eachother and ended up doing fine. And like I said, Tanna has been the perfect girlfriend since the moment we got together, that's why I was geniunely shocked when she didn't believe me..

Oh and guys, I don't know if you got this before, but remember I BARELY know Amanda. I talked to her for a little bit on Facebook's Instant Messenger chat and then sent a few messages back to back when I was helping her arrange coming up and living with Tanna. (She moved to another state and recently came back and I helped her with telling her where Tanna lives and when she'd be home so she can surprise her) But other than that, I don't know Amanda at all. I think my girlfriend has my pass for Facebook, if not I'd be happy to give it to her so she can see those messages. But it would be no use, since Amanda claims that this cheating thing happened on Facebook's IM Chat, which conveniently doesn't save your chat history..

[ALEXGORDON]

EDIT:

Okay I talked to my girlfriend about what you guys said and here's what she had to say:

The reason why Amanda brought it up a few months after it happened was because that night Amanda brought it up, Tanna was already in a bad mood, and Amanda had asked her what was wrong like any good friend would. They got into a conversation, and it lead to talking about me.. And well, that's when she started flashing back and saying I cheated on her.

Tanna also says that if she was jealous she could have and would have said something before, but she didn't. So she couldn't be jealous.

She also says that Amanda wouldn't lie. They have talked about me together before and Amanda has never insulted or attacked me in the past, and even sometimes she's complimented me. She's always out in the world by herself, without Tanna, with other friends instead.

[hello1]

Why are you sticking up for Amanda? she out right lied about you and properly did it in the past with Tanna ex boyfriends. Let them get on with it, they are obviously very close

[ammi00]

Makes me think about something else... What if this is a plan of theirs? When one of them wants to get rid of her partner, the other one steps in and claims untrue things?
Anyway, let them be "good friends" and try to move on. Let it go...

[Radarsonar]

Makes me think about something else... What if this is a plan of theirs? When one of them wants to get rid of her partner, the other one steps in and claims untrue things?
Anyway, let them be "good friends" and try to move on. Let it go...

Yeah this was the first thing that occurred to me when reading this thread. Maybe she's using Amanda's outright lie as an excuse to break up with you guiltfree...

[nem4u25]

Amanda is very jealous of you taking Tanna away from her. She see you two getting real close so she is stepping in to fix that.

If they are that close, you are going to have to include Tanna is some of your activities and let her get to know you better. This will stop her from feeling threatened.

Now the best thing to do, about this cheating thing, is to get the two of them together and have a discussion about this accusation. Ask Amanda, in her own words, how is it that you were cheating on Tanna. Sometimes it's best to hit this head on. Being confrontational will actually bring out the truth of the matter and she just may get caught in the lie.

I agree. I am brutally honest as well and its true...everyone needs a kick to the minerals to wake up every now and then!

[ALEXGORDON]

Hey everyone, figured I'd give you all an update on how everything went.

For the past few days I tried getting in contact with Amanda, but that just didn't go too well at all. She had very, very little interest in talking to me to settle the problem and it was just turning out hopeless.

So yesterday I tried going back to my roots and do what I originally tried to do and attempted to convince my girlfriend directly myself, I talked to her about trust for a while and in the end she ended up believing me 100%. Everything is great now and our relationship is pretty much the best that it's ever been. Cheers guys. Thanks for all your input.