Friendship to hookup to...relationship?

[thisguy350]

Hello, as you can tell I'm new to this forum, and to dating forums in general. I've never really been in a situation like this before which is why I'm writing asking for advice. I am in college and have been friends with this girl for about a year and a half. I had a crush on her since the first time I met her, but I had a girlfriend at the time so I didn't do anything. Fast forward a year and a half, I have been single for 6 months and I found out through a mutual friend that this girl I had been friends with actually liked me too. Fast forward to last weekend and we found each other at the same party (she doesn't drink much, and I drink moderately). She made the first move and we ended up hooking up. The next morning wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be, and we talked about if we wanted a relationship, friends, or just dating/something in between. We couldn't decide and after talking for an hour we actually hooked up again- obviously sober this time. I should note that by "hooked up" I mean everything but sex. She is a virgin and I have had sex with several girls. Regardless, being with her felt better than with any other girl I've ever been with. She confided that she gets easily bored in relationships and has never dated anyone for more than 3 months....is this an issue considering we're already really good friends? It seems like there's not much mystery between us. I really like this girl, we have an incredible amount in common, and I'd like to date her. On the other hand, I'm not sure she wants a relationship/likes me as much. We will be living in the same city for the next 16 months. Any advice? I'd really like to date her one day, I don't want to blow it.

Thanks

[MerryH]

Bad move having the "where is this going" talk the morning after you first hooked up. If you want to date her, then pursue that by, you know, asking her out on dates. See where it goes.

[wild_nikita]

I don't think I'm in a good position to give you any good advice on this (our situation has some similarities). All I can say is that it's good to clarify things from the beginning and specially don't do anything ambiguous that sends the opposite message from what you're saying. It's really hard to be completely honest though... no one wants to be rejected by a friend, a person that you'll be seeing constantly after an embarrassing conversation. From my own experience, I'm always defensive in these conversations, maybe she's being defensive too. Try to understand what she really wants and continue to hang out with her as a friend. Don't worry, when 2 people share this "physical connection", the odds of hooking up again are high.

[thisguy350]

Well I've got an update in case anyone was interested. I asked her out for Valentine's Day and she said that it was "really sweet and nice" but that she isn't looking for a relationship with anyone right now. I suppose that's understandable because we're both very busy. Our friendship is still there, we talk about every other day and I see her a few times a week. I'll be living in the same city as her this summer, so maybe I can try to give it another shot. I'm trying not to hold out on her because I know there's a high probability of me getting denied again, but It's tough to get her off my mind. I suppose I need to try to meet people.

[wild_nikita]

Hi,

I'm really sorry that it you didn't receive the answer you were looking for from your friend. I think the best thing to do is exactly what you said, meet more people and try not to think of her. This is the wisest thing to do and such an easy thing to say, but so damn hard to accomplish!
I went to university and now I'm unemployed back to my parents home. I live in a small village where most of the few young people that still live here didn't study, so for me it's really hard to find someone interesting. I don't want to sound snob or anything, but my interests are really quite different from theirs.
Today (St. Valentines day) he told me (online chatting) he was going to have dinner with his girlfriend (!), he's very playful so I don't know if this was an easy way for him to say the truth or he was just playing with me . I'm feeling really lonely, I'm 26, so I also feel that time is passing by ... I'm really depressed, hating my life.
I hope that you can see me as an example not to follow. You're still in the beginning, so if you can, try to forget her and remember that physical involvement will only increase your feelings for her.
Like you, I always had unbalanced relationships and you're right the part that loves more ends up loosing.
Thanks a lot for your words, they have been a great support for me.
I hope you pass this day the best way you can, where I live the torture's almost ending eheheh.

Bye =)