6 weeks and still no word from her:/

[bobbym]

Hi, im new to this forum seeking help and advice. Me and my ex ended things about 6 weeks ago and she has initiated zero communication, yet when we broke up she stated that we need a clear separation time. I am obviously going to respect that, however when she ended things she left a few loose ends in the process of the breakup. So in a nutshell here is our relationship and how things ended. Any advice from a woman with an unbiased opinion would help ease my heart ache a little. Ive been in a rut since the breakup and cant seem to make any progress.

We met at work and found out we both attend the same university. She was the aggressor, initiating to hangout all the time and planned to do stuff when we first met. We finally made things official in 8/2010. the first 1.5 years of our relationship was great, we got along well and sex was on point. at the 1.5 years mark i got really confused and didnt know what i wanted as we were both nearing graduation from college. I called things off stating i didnt know where i stood and we need time apart. A week later i realized it was a huge mistake and got back with her. she was obviously distant but willing to work things out again. a few months later we both get very intoxicated(she was with her friends and i was with mine) and we get into a huge fight and tell each other were done and i slipped out some harsh words. Next day i send her flowers and everything goes back to normal. But thats what i wanted to believe... after that second small breakup the sex dies down to maybe once every two weeks (i have my own place and she still lives at home throughout this whole relationship), she used to stay the night 4 days a week then it went to once a week. At this point we both graduated college, I started my career and she decided to pursue her masters. So on top of her school, she worked full time, did internship hours, and had to medicate her sick dog twice a day so i was trying to be very understanding of why she wasnt staying over anymore or really being physical. so during all this at the 2 year mark 9/2012 she comes over and starts crying saying that her mother told her i wasnt good for her because I apparently have a small temper which I have never been told that, i have never been abusive in any manner towards her so i was confused. She first says we need to be apart then says lets work on things and i need to be more understanding about her life and start trusting her more (even though i have had several talks with her in regards to our sex life and why its so minimal) and I need to change because i may talk down to her sometimes which i dont even notice. I agree because I love her. So since 9/2012 I tried so hard to make her happy and do things for her, even though i have my own place i was the one always going to her parents house to see her, she hardly wanted to come over because she said all i wanted to do is have sex which at this point it was once every three weeks, so i had lots of things running through my mind why she was so physically turned off. we went on dates when we could spend time together. I was working 8-5 monday through friday and she was busy doing her school, work, internship, sick dog things and it got to the point of the last few months of our relationship we were only seeing each other once a week even though she lived 20 minutes away. the past few months i noticed her getting more distant and started getting a little frustrated and scared. A month before we broke up she stated that she didnt have the passion to really have sex anymore and felt like we had to start over again after a conversation about our future. i accepted that and then on 1/25/13 she asked me to come over and thats when she ended things. She stated that i dont have the capability to change right now and i wasnt trying hard enough to make things work, which i feel like i was and we needed to part ways amicably. i said okay and left. a week later i text her asking if this is final and she said it was. but what really throws me off is how she ended things... these were her exact words via text "i love you so much but we truly cant be together at this point and time, it felt like it was the only thing i could do before things got worse" "I really do hope we can be together later in our lives but at this point and time we cant be and we need a clear seperation time".
and i replied back asking if we can meet up and talk about things and she said no. since we have broken up she has made zero attempts to contact me and im jsut sooo confused because she made it sound like hope. I have given her all the space and havent called her, I really miss her and just dont know what to do :/ it feels like there is really no closure becuase of how she ended things. instead of saying were not good for eachother and we need to find people who suit us better she said those things. im lost on how we can be together for so long, got along great, yet she broke up with loose ends and completely wants us apart with zero contact. sorry so long just really lost right now. its been 6 weeks and i still feel like it happened yesterday.

[bobbym]

a quick addition. 2 weeks ago after about 3 weeks after our breakup i sent her flowers to her job saying that im sorry for the way i acted and ill always be here for you. she sent me a messgae on FB saying she didnt need the stress of thinking about this at work. i replied back saying i jsut thought it would be okay to make your day. then she wrote back saying shes sorry and she over reacted because they made her emotional. i replied back asking her if we could grab some coffee or something and she said that she had no desire to meet up anytime soon and she is still healing. i said okay.

she still has the key to my apt and has came by once to get her stuff when i was at work which i allowed her to. she decided no to leave the key under the door mat, not sure why and im confused to why she is still holding on to it? even though she states this is a break up

[smackie9]

You want closure? ask for the key back.

[Wakeup]

^^ Werd!

End it out right and that will give you the closure yourself. Ask her to leave your key at the front reception of her work so you can pick it up and not have to see her again. End of.

Then, work on acceptance that it's over and believe that she was not meant to be your life mate. It's not a platitude when i say there is someone else out there that will be better for you. Thing is, you can't find her while you're stuck in your mode of hope for this girl who ended it. Take this time to work on youself, take care of you, improve on you so that you'll get over her more quickly and so you'll be that much more ready and desirable to the woman that you're going to meet that will be your lifemate.

[smackie9]

6 weeks.....I would have moved on by now.

[bobbym]

yeah im trying desperately to seek closure. Not quite sure why this break up is a lot more difficult than others i have been through. its the mere fact of her making me feel like i failed the relationship and her giving me hopes of maybe a future togther is what kills me. I wish i can fix this but not sure if its too late. should i wait for her to contact me? should i send her an email or text? its def not easy letting with how she left shit open and she doesnt want any communication for now. i dont understand what she is trying to accomplish though?

[smackie9]

I said ask for the key. Pick up the phone and ask for it.

[smackie9]

Dude what's done is done. There is no reason, after 6 weeks, to be waiting for anymore explanation. if she isn't going to give it to you, she isn't going to give it to you. Just be done with it.

[bobbym]

so i did message her on FB today asking for my key back.

It feels like she left things open which is tearing me apart. the last text she sent me a few days after the break up is "i love you sooo much we truly cant be together right now. i really do hope we can be together later in our lives" after breaking up with me because i wasnt trying hard enough in a troubled relationship.

[bobbym]

just torn because i really wanted to work things out with her and she threw in the towel saying she couldnt handle it anymore with school, work, intership, etc... and why she couldnt just end things by saying were done for good and were not good for each other instead of saying we need to be apart right now and if its meant to be it will be... ughhhhhhhhhhh

[Wakeup]

i really do hope we can be together later in our lives"

I know you're hurting but that statement is laugh-worthy. Does she expect you to hold a torch for her, for you to keep loving HER even when you're in another relationship just incase she should deem it's time and she can love you now?

She's just being a douche and it was manipulative and cowardly for her to TRY and leave a door open to you like that. You've done the best thing for you own self-esteem to have taken back your own personal power by ending it altogether.

[bobbym]

im just confused as to why you would love and care for someone so much why you would say that. whether if she was being manipulative or if she really meant it and we just needed to be apart from each other so we can both grow.

[Wakeup]

For the sake of your own emotional health and your ability to get to the stage of indifference to her so she's not interfering in any new relationship(s) you may form, you should assume that she was just doing it to be manipulative. You want to be able to give 100 per cent of your emotional vulnerablilty to any new girl you see romantic potential in and you certainly CAN NOT do that when you have it in the back of your mind that she might be with you again one day. You'd do well to consider her gone because you want her gone due to being such a lame-o with your heart.

[bobbym]

what exactly do you mean she was doing it to be manipulative?

[bobbym]

sorry my mind just isnt clear right now.