What's wrong here?

[Brad2007]

So, we were dating online for 9 months, exclusively online because she felt she needed time, although I was ready to be with her within the first month of dating.

After the 9 months without any rl contact, just cybering to hold off our needs, I told her I couldn't continue like that... that I needed a real life connection. I'm a virgin, and my imagination isn't great, which made cybering so terribly difficult... and I told her that from the get-go, but I still tried as best I could for us. Anyways, when I told her that, she basically told me that since I couldn't cyber - there'd be no sex, and without sex, it isn't a relationship - that all I could be was a friend.

So with no other choice, I tried that too... but with such deep real feelings for her, being "just a friend" didn't work. (maybe I'm selfish?)

Anyways, for the past 6 months, since we broke up... she still said she loved me, that she wanted to be with me, but she couldn't. (Is there anything hidden there that I can't or don't want to see?)

She said she isn't ready for any rl contact. (Again, something I'm not seeing?)

And now, I've basically ruined any chance - that I felt I had - of being with her ever, because I wouldn't give up on trying to find a way for things to work... which seemed to upset her because I couldn't understand why she couldn't even try anything rl.

I truly do love her with all my heart, but I have needs that an online relationship can't fulfill for me, and I don't only mean sexual, but just the real-life connection, if that makes sense to any of ya.

I feel like I can't and don't want to move on because she is all I want, and I feel like I need her. (Is there something wrong with me for feeling like I need her?)

Please, can anyone answer any of the questions in parenthesis... and/or give any other comments.

Edit: Also, if there's any way anyone can explain "how you can love someone, be in love with that someone, and want to be with that someone, but aren't ready?" it'd be much appreciated.

[Justplaying5050]

No i dont think you are selfish for wanting to see her in real life after 9 long months of pretend sex.

Also i dont think there is any posibility of actually being in love with someone that you only know from online chat rooms. More like imaginary lust.

Chances are she is not who she says she is, mabye lying about age or looks. or she is and actually has a relationship with someone in real life. Have you had any webcam sessions? is she even a she?
there is a chance that she is extremely extremely shy or doesnt trust that YOU are who you say you are. im not sure, i tend to think she is hiding something.

[Brad2007]

No i dont think you are selfish for wanting to see her in real life after 9 long months of pretend sex.

Also i dont think there is any posibility of actually being in love with someone that you only know from online chat rooms. More like imaginary lust.

Chances are she is not who she says she is, mabye lying about age or looks. or she is and actually has a relationship with someone in real life. Have you had any webcam sessions? is she even a she?
there is a chance that she is extremely extremely shy or doesnt trust that YOU are who you say you are. im not sure, i tend to think she is hiding something.

No, nothing real life at all. (No webcam, no talking on the phone, no letters)

I don't believe she's lied to me about anything. She told me she was older - I won't say her age - instead of saying what most guys want to hear... like in their 20's... and I'm the one that asked her to date me. She sent me pictures through email, but pictures just aren't enough. I sent her pics back, aswell as giving her my number... and she knows my address.

She's been through a lot in her life that I have no right to share with anyone, but I feel like I'm being punished for what happened earlier in her life, and it's disheartening.

[steelsword]

Okay here's a list of possible things going on here (pick your choice):

*She is seeing someone else. (this is my #1 choice personally)
*She is testing you to see how you'll react to difficult situations.
*She is lying about something (besides being single).

You don't mention the distance between you 2 but I would assume it's negligible, since you didn't mention it.

As for your imagination not being great...Google for "erotic stories." Problem solved. Cybering is not difficult in the least.

[Junket]

Don't waste anymore time with on-line relationships unless you have the resources to visit them.

[Brad2007]

Don't waste anymore time with on-line relationships unless you have the resources to visit them.

Not quite sure I understand what you mean by that.

[Junket]

Not quite sure I understand what you mean by that.

Uh.

Don't waste anymore time with on-line relationships unless you have the resources (job, money, time) to go visit them (the person you talk to on-line).

[Brad2007]

Uh.

Don't waste anymore time with on-line relationships unless you have the resources (job, money, time) to go visit them (the person you talk to on-line).

Where in any of my posts does it say I don't have the resources?

Sorry if that's being rude, but there's nothing saying, or even implying, that that's an issue.

[Junket]

Where in any of my posts does it say I don't have the resources?

Sorry if that's being rude, but there's nothing saying, or even implying, that that's an issue.

My mistake, I read so many of these I only look for key words anymore.

Look, she's not ready to meet you, and you're bored of the shit, I don't blame you. But you're just infatuated with the idea of her, and it's just that considering you 2 have never met. You'll get over it.

So I say forget about her and look more local so you don't have to deal with the long distance shit.

[lolly25]

The best thing you can do is move on and meet someone else.

I know and understand that people need time but 9 months is very long and that is a big red flag. Fair enough 1 or 2 months of talking before meeting but not 9 months. It sounds like she has been dating other people and has been talking to you to get an ego boost and to see how you act. If she liked you and wanted to take things further she would have defitnley wanted to meet in person by now. I think that she has been playing you and dont think she is single and has fed you a load of b**ls**t

Also to say you love each other - This is not possible. You can not be in love with someone that you do not know and have not met. Love is something that takes time to develop. It is when you know and understand someone inside out, know what makes them happy and and sad, can understand and see how they feel and are willing to stand by them no matter what.

You now just need to move on and get on with your life, forget about her and meet someone else. There are plenty more single women out there and ones that will be willing to meet you in person and have a real relationship. Just keep at it and you will be fine.

[Gigabitch]

OH, sweet little Brad. You poor thing.

Her real name is Alfred and she's a 57-year-old postal carrier in Duluth with an absolutely scandalous collection of internet boyfriends.

Dude, you're getting played.

[doppelgaenger]

This shit is too unrealistic and it just isn't working out.

My girlfriend and I were in an online relationship for like 9 months, but the whole time we had indefinite plans to meet in the near future. I've been studying abroad for about a month now, and she flew here to visit me. We spent a week together and everything was great.

See? Because that bitch isn't giving you any hope about meeting anytime soon, and doesn't want to meet you, it's a doomed online relationship. Sorry to say it, but it sounds like you'll have to move on. "I can't move on" is the typical el desperado saying. Move on. Forget about her. Find someone who is interested in having a successful relationship with you.

[Kattina]

What's wrong here is you failed to include some important facts and items of use. Here are just a few.

You failed to include...
1. That she is 25 year's older than you are.
2. That you and her both suffer from agoraphobia.
3. That when you started dating on line she had just lost her house, income and business.
4. That right now she is going through chemo.

You told her in an e-mail a few day's ago to lie to you so you would have a good reason to give up on her. You have done nothing but try to force her to be with you irl. You are obsessed with her to the point where is us unhealthy for you both. She told you she don't want to be with your irl and let you choose if you wanted to remain online friend's. You said no and she understood. It's time for you to accept the fact that it's over and move on.

[alovehangoverr]

9 months you dated, plus the 6 months since you've been "broken up," so that's 15 months-- and you've never seen her on webcam, talked to her on the phone, or met her? To add to that she told you that if you don't cyber with her there's no "relationship," and you can only be "just friends?"

... Yeah, this probably isn't even a chick. Seriously. Those pics probably weren't even her.

[Junket]

What's wrong here is you failed to include some important facts and items of use. Here are just a few.

You failed to include...
1. That she is 25 year's older than you are.
2. That you and her both suffer from agoraphobia.
3. That when you started dating on line she had just lost her house, income and business.
4. That right now she is going through chemo.

You told her in an e-mail a few day's ago to lie to you so you would have a good reason to give up on her. You have done nothing but try to force her to be with you irl. You are obsessed with her to the point where is us unhealthy for you both. She told you she don't want to be with your irl and let you choose if you wanted to remain online friend's. You said no and she understood. It's time for you to accept the fact that it's over and move on.

Did Brad just get pwned?