Your control issues will not just go away. I suggest counseling 30 times before considering it is under control. It takes work to work these things out. And you can't love someone unconditionally with a major insecurity like you seem to have. You might be FOND of her, or NEED her, as in you recognize she might be good for you (with smoking weed I'm not so sure.)
As far as the weed goes, some people who smoke a lot get really lazy. They lose their job, and leech off other people. They simply get too relaxed, and lose all motivation to take care of themselves. Just be careful. Is she living with you? How many times will the cops bust down your door to do a search and seizure? Can they seize your house in your state? Her smoking weed puts you in a lot of legal liability. YOU could go to jail because she won't admit she smokes to the cops. Is this something you can afford to do? Do you have bail money for yourself? How will this affect your job? If you inhale the smoke while she is smoking YOU will test positive for weed.
The other thing is, yes she is overly sensitive to your controlling personality. But weed is where I draw the line. She is disrespecting you by drooling over other men. She doesn't sound discrete about it. And she is disrespecting you by smoking weed when you don't want her to. It will probably come down to a choice: 1) she stops smoking weed or 2) she leaves you to smoke more weed.
Addiction is like #2.
I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
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