I really need advice, but this is such a weird and uncommon scenario :(

[Jarren]

First of all, I don't even know if this forum is suited for online relationship advice, but even if its not I'm hoping someone could give me some general advice.

I met my wonderful girlfriend online, but we haven't been able to meet up in person yet. Luckily, we're going to be meeting up for the first time in the next few weeks, by car. That's the fine part, and I'm excited about it.

The problem is this: she wants to plan a trip by plane somewhere next month with me and wants me to buy my tickets now. The timing is just bad: I'm worried that I'll buy the plane tickets, and then we'll meet up and the chemistry won't be there, and that will be money thrown down the toilet. I'm not going to go by myself in any case.

Ideally, I love the idea of going on a trip with her if everything was going well between us, but being a pessimist I have to worry that when we'll meet up in a few weeks, the chemistry won't be there. This is such an awkward situation given the timing of everything. I just don't know what to do.

Does anyone have any advice? The best solution would be to meet up together first before buying any plane tickets, but I don't know how to bring that up without it sounding bad or insecure, as though I expect us to not get along well and have no faith in it. It feels similar to the scenario of asking your fiance to sign a prenup. I'm also worried that sounding unsure and insecure about us is going to have a negative effect on our meeting, too. In the past I've expressed doubt (insecurity on my part) and she has taken it personally and in a bad way.

I'm not even sure that if I put off buying tickets until after we meet up there will be enough time to be able to purchase them for the date planned. And no, changing the date of the trip isn't an option, unfortunately. She's already bought her tickets well in advance; it's more like I was going to be tagging along as a travel partner.

I know this is a weird situation, but if anyone has any advice at all on how I should approach it, I would be very happy to hear it. I feel like my options are basically:

1) Buy tickets and hope that we meet up and everything is as awesome as we've hoped for. If not, money wasted.
2) Somehow tell her that I want to meet up first before buying the tickets. Risk of hurting her, and also risk of not being able to purchase tickets on such short notice.
3) Just not go on the trip at all. I do want to and think it would be really fun. I think she would be disappointed and sad if I didn't go, though.

I'm so torn right now. I don't know what to do.

[Cheekxss]

Dude you are delusional/.
I dont believe in that crap . You met her online and now she is your online GIRLFREIND, but you have issues with meeting her?

A normal dude in a normal situation would not doupt any way to be with their gf.
even if it mean by walking to them.

But you call it your gf. but you have issues meeting her and worry about your money and the chemistry ?
whahahhhhaa, how can you even consider someone online your gf. and way before even meet in person with her
to know if the chemistry (like you call it) is right?

You are a fool. walking the opposite way.

And i dont think you are even in love but a desperate dude that wants a woman in his life.
Cause if you was at least in love you would not worry about the money and chemistry.
And if you live in reality you would talk to her directly about your ideas instead of making it such a big deal.

[Cerby]

Shut up Cheekxs.

Jarren, tell her you're not comforatable with this and would rather spend less money to meet the first time. You don't want to feel like you're pressured to make it perfect nor do you want to impose on her pre-planned vacation. Remember, if something makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to do it.

[UdoKier]

If you can afford to walk away from the loss of the tickets without any problem, do it, why not? But I think most people would have the exact concern as you and wait to meet her first before planning a trip together, for several reasons, not just the financial aspect of eating the loss of the tickets in case things don't work out.

[Cheekxss]

shut up dirty pig. go look for attention some where else, dont you see people dont even care if you make a comment or not. faggot

[Alexa103]

just tell her you would feel more comfortable to meet before purchasing tickets! If shes a normal person she will understand that you have concerns going on a trip
with somebody you hardly know!.

and if your chemistry is the way you wish ..you can always try to get those tickets ..there is only one thing that can happen?! if you dont get the tickets last minute you've got to make a different date work and let her fly alone ?

[heather_1]

Definitely wait until you meet her before buying tickets, if she is genuine about you she will understand. If you are girlfriend and boyfriend already there shouldnt be a problem.

[MaidenMinx]

Buy refundable tickets?!?

[a-brainwavelove]

Dude you are delusional/.
I dont believe in that crap . You met her online and now she is your online GIRLFREIND, but you have issues with meeting her?

A normal dude in a normal situation would not doupt any way to be with their gf.
even if it mean by walking to them.

But you call it your gf. but you have issues meeting her and worry about your money and the chemistry ?
whahahhhhaa, how can you even consider someone online your gf. and way before even meet in person with her
to know if the chemistry (like you call it) is right?

You are a fool. walking the opposite way.

And i dont think you are even in love but a desperate dude that wants a woman in his life.
Cause if you was at least in love you would not worry about the money and chemistry.
And if you live in reality you would talk to her directly about your ideas instead of making it such a big deal.

This may sound a bit rude, but Cheekxss does make a few good points! Why call her your 'wonderful girlfriend' and then worry so much about spending the money on her? I do agree that if you feel something deep about her, you wouldn't worry about money and chemistry. Cheekxss is being frank but honest, and I do think you should be honest with yourself, too...

[Boisdevie]

Quite often Cheekxs spouts some real crap. But in this case I agree with her (as much as it pains me to do so). You are living in some fantasy land my friend. Don't they have any girls where you live or are you being forced to have some kind of 'relationship' with somebody you've never even met. You don't need a trip away, you need your head looking at.

[Cerby]

Quite often Cheekxs spouts some real crap. But in this case I agree with her (as much as it pains me to do so). You are living in some fantasy land my friend. Don't they have any girls where you live or are you being forced to have some kind of 'relationship' with somebody you've never even met. You don't need a trip away, you need your head looking at.

I never even read her post, I just assumed it was some self-absorbed misguided bigotry based on her experience with one of her welfare babies fathers. So if her advice was good, then take it. I just assume it was shit.

[Eddie Fews]

Hey Jarren,

Don't let anyone pressure you into moving faster than you should; wether that be male or female. Being that you have yet to meet the girl yet its perfectly understandable that you would have concerns with spending that much money so soon. If she can't understand that then maybe you should reevaluate if even meeting her at all is a good idea.

Be a man, and make a confident decision; i doubt she will be much to hurt at all. She will have to understand, this isn't really something that happens everyday you know? Take some pride in yourself and what it is you want and don't comprise that for anyone. You had to be a man before this girl and you will have to be a man once she's gone!

Take Care man

Eddie