Is He Cheating?

[Prescious]

Hi guys I have a dilemma for you and I would like your advice. To make a long story short, my husband and I have been married for about 2 months and we are on vacation here in India. He is Indian btw, anyway we went up to the hills the other day and we were looking for a room and we saw a young girl around 18 and he asked her about a room and she was like ok I will show you MY HUSBAND around and that I ME can stay there and she and my husband will go and look for the room and for me to rest. But I was like no I want to come because I need the exercise

Anyway the next day we went walking and we met into the 18 year old girls brother and he and my husband were talking and stuff and then they wanted to go back up to the hills where they live with his 18 year old sister that girl that showed us around the other day. So my husband was like come with us but me I was like no baby I want to stay here. And he was like you sure and I was like yes. So that was around 6:30pm in the evening and he came back around 9pm that night. When he came back, he seemed different or strange. I couldn't put my finger on it. Almost distant like his mind was somewhere else and I was like you ok? And he was like Yes. But it was just words because his face and just his ora seemed different. Like his mind was somewhere else. Anyway that night we went to bed and do you know the very next morning he got up and went straight back up them hills? He said he tried waking me up to come with him I think I remember him pushing me but I was tired. Anyway when I finally got up I realized that he was not there at 9:30am and so I called him and asked him, where are you? And he was kind of stumbling like well you know dear I tried waking you up to come with me. I'm like come with you where? Where are you? And he said that he is at Aunties house. Auntie is the 18 year old girls mother that he calls Auntie. So I was like what the hell is so important up in those hills that you wake up early in the morning to go back up there from last night? So he was trying to give excuses. And so I said, You know what, stay there, I'm leaving and going back to America. And he kept trying to explain but I hung up the phone on him

Let me tell you that those hills from where we are staying is at least 30 minutes away from our hotel, that guy got to my hotel room in literally like 10 minutes. I really don't know how he did that. But he grabbed the internet stick away from me to stop me from calling the airlines. And I was like I don't know what is so important that you leave early in the morning to go back up to those hills. So I asked him, are you having sex with somebody up there or with that 18 year old girl. And he said no, I swear and that he just loves going up there because Auntie is Punjabi just like him and the part of INdia that we are in is for foreigners and not Indians from Punjab.

Anyway ever since that day May 6, 2013 when he came in that night, he seemed different. Now let me tell you something else. He does take me up there with him everytime he goes up there. But I sense this 18 year old girl is too friendly with him. Right in front of me. BUT in all sincerity, she is friendly with all the guys and foreigners there. But he just met this girl the other day and calls her his sister. And that I am crazy and nasty. He says here is India once you say someone is your sister, they don't even think of anything sexual like that. He says that my mind is very dirty. It's not that my mind is dirty, It's just that I know men. Then she's gonna tell me that I must trust him Also right in front of me, she asks me for his skype Id, and at first I was like ok but then I asked her why and she was like WHY NOT HE IS MY BROTHER. So at that time my husband was high on marijuana it is legal to smoke it there and he said to her, the reason why is because she don't trust me and I was like that is not true and she was like ok alright it is ok no fighting.

Also ever since that day May 6, 2013 those people in the hills act like they own my husband. The mother he calls Auntie, that 18 year old girl and the brother. Constantly calling him and if he does not go because I don't feel comfortable with him going up to the hills to be around that 18 year old girl, then those people get angry WHY. Perfect example is when he was leaving the hills because I told him to stay that and I'm going back to America, The Auntie mother woman said why are you going and he said because my wife and she said SO. And then he said, I'm sorry I got to go. These people don't respect me. What the hell is going on. And now last night there was the brothers birthday party and we did not go and they kept calling him like crazy and he said that he is not going and I heard him in the bathroom talking to the 18 year old girl lets call her Priya and it looked like he was trying to explain and then it seemed like she might have hung up the phone because next thing you know he stopped saying Priya Priya and then all of a sudden he started saying Auntie and was explaining to Auntie.
After he got off the phone, he said to me, WE ARE GOING TO THAT PARTY. And I said," No I am not going. And he started yelling and then all of a sudden he said," GO BACK HOME TO AMERICA AND I WILL SEND YOU ONE PAPER AND YOU SIGN IT FOR A DIVORCE and I was like WHAT? HE WAS LIKE BOOK YOUR TICKET NOW. I started crying and was like ok I will and I will leave you alone but as I was crying I said you are very ungrateful and what goes around will come around. So as I was booking my ticket he stopped me and said that he loved me and that not to go. He was angry. That was yesterday. Do you know all day today this man's mind is somewhere else. Looking into the ceiling, blank stares into the wall. What the hell is going on? His mind does not seem to be here with me at all. I ask him are you ok what's wrong and he keeps telling me nothing. Nothing. Keep in mind that I've done alot of things for this man. His family abandoned him. When he was in trouble nobody was there for him but me. I've helped him out with money. How can he put his attention on people he just met a week ago and he has known me for 3 years?What the hell is going on guys can you please tell me and also tell me what do you think I should do thanks. I really need all your replies. Thanks

[michelle23]

From what you said there- it doesn't sound like he cheated but the only way you will know for sure is if you ask him to do a lie detector test.

You should calm down and be rational. Sit down and talk to him properly and ask him questions in a non-confrontational way. He is your husband. You have shared three years together so look him in the eyes and follow your instinct on whether he is telling the truth or not.

If your instincts are saying hes lying then get on a plane and sign the divorce paper.

[Valixy]

I don't know the Indian customs but from a western point of view, you are totally right. You are on holiday together, two months after you got married, this almost sounds like a honey moon and he should not get too close to another female but totally dedicate to have a wonderful time with you. Yes, he is at home and he needs to connect with Indian people but he should take your feelings in consideration and even feel resposible for offering you a quality time over there.

I think your instinct is right. He might be falling for that girl. Maybe there hasn't been anything physical yet and according to their traditions it's not possible either, I think, but he seems to be having an emotional affair. Her family are way too interested in him. Obviously if he wasn't married he could be a great suitor for their daugther/sister or he could at least be seen as an interesting and useful friend. If by any chance you are wrong and these people have the best intentions and just want to have a great time with him, he should still respect that you have tried but you don't succeed to connect with them and respect it.

Is there any possibility to approach this in a diplomatic way, like suggesting to visit other places in India and move away from these people? You could try and say that you want with all your heart to see Taj Majal or any other famous monument or place situated in a different are of India than where you are now.

If he doesn't change his behaviour, you should indeed book your plane ticket and go back home instead of staying there and feeling neglected and miserable. I would suggest you to continue your holiday in India on your own but it hasn't proved to be a safe country for women and you should not take any risks.

[michelle23]

To me it doesnt sound like an emotional affair. Does he spend time alone with her? Do they talk a lot? Do they seem like really close friends?

It sounds like he spends time with the whole family and enjoys their culture. Maybe the reason he has been so distant is because he doesn't understand why you are so paranoid and threatening to leave.

You said he was abandoned by his family so maybe that is why he has gotten close to these people

[Valixy]

I slightly disagree with you, michelle...

I don't think that according to the Indian culture he is allowed to spend time alone with that girl, but I may be wrong.

No matter how much he likes those people, the way he and and his wife are spending this time in his home country should be his priority. It's just basic respect really. The fact that he lost his family is not an excuse for his behaviour. He has a family now and this is his wife and he should appreciate her more and give her more attention especially because she has made an effort to connect with those people but she simply hasn't succeded to.

[Prescious]

I don't know the Indian customs but from a western point of view, you are totally right. You are on holiday together, two months after you got married, this almost sounds like a honey moon and he should not get too close to another female but totally dedicate to have a wonderful time with you. Yes, he is at home and he needs to connect with Indian people but he should take your feelings in consideration and even feel resposible for offering you a quality time over there.

I think your instinct is right. He might be falling for that girl. Maybe there hasn't been anything physical yet and according to their traditions it's not possible either, I think, but he seems to be having an emotional affair. Her family are way too interested in him. Obviously if he wasn't married he could be a great suitor for their daugther/sister or he could at least be seen as an interesting and useful friend. If by any chance you are wrong and these people have the best intentions and just want to have a great time with him, he should still respect that you have tried but you don't succeed to connect with them and respect it.

Is there any possibility to approach this in a diplomatic way, like suggesting to visit other places in India and move away from these people? You could try and say that you want with all your heart to see Taj Majal or any other famous monument or place situated in a different are of India then where you are now.

If he doesn't change his behaviour, you should indeed book your plane ticket and go back home instead of staying there and feeling neglected and miserable. I would suggest you to continue your holiday in India on your own but it hasn't proved to be a safe country for women and you should not take any risks.

I too feel he maybe having an emotional affair too but it is also possible that they were physical like I said that night he came back in, he was distant but in anycase what do I do now? He seems so distant like he is thinking about the hills or this girl. His mind is somewhere else. What do I do? Everytime I catch his eyes staring at the wall. His eyes blank staring out the door. When I ask him a question he does not answer. Then I ask again and he says," what did you say? Really what is this? And what should I do? He says he is not thinking about the hills or that girl but about other things yet his eyes and his ora is not here with me what to do? He is clearly thinking about something deep

[michelle23]

From your first post-I wasn't sure but I think you should get on a plane and go back to America. Don't even tell him you are leaving. Something is not right and all your instincts are telling you that he cheated. A woman's intuition is strong and you should listen to it.

If he tries to get you back-tell him you do not want anything to do with him unless he gets a lie detector test and proves to you that he has not cheated on you.

[michelle23]

The other thing you could do is confront the girl and ask her straight "did anything happen that night or since that night". You should be able to tell by her reaction if she is telling the truth or not and keep asking until you are sure. Tell her to look you in the eye and tell you the truth and do the same with him.

Just keep asking questions until he can give you a proper honest answer. He will crack under the pressure if he is hiding something. Just tell him straight you are not a fool and you will not be a doormat for him and you want the truth or he will absolutely never see you again. get angry if you have to. Start packing your bags in front of him and tell him you will not be with a man you do not trust and keep demanding the truth.

[Valixy]

Besides these moments when he seems to be absent and he doesn't take you in consideration but spends his time with those people, does he have any kind of romantic, friendly initiative towards you? Does he make an effort for you two to have a nice time there besides everything you wrote here?

If not and you are feeling terrible, my suggestion is to express your wish to visit other parts of India together and leave that family that has become a problem for your realtionship or to have a calm serious conversation with him, telling him how you have felt lately and that you need more of him. If he doesn't try to change things, I think that you should tell him that you're going back home and really do that.


If he is feeling more attached to some people that he has met for a few days than to his wife, then he doesn't deserve you to be there with him and if he agrees for you to leave, then you know you have been right about things from the start.

[Starnique]

Both these women have good points. You're his wife and he not treating you right. Why is he going there without you? That's not his real family. **** them people. You are his family now. I would ask her and him and no I wouldnt be nice because their shady. You don't deserve that. Its time for you to leave and it's a shame you can't enjoy your honey moon and it's his fault for not creating pleasant loving memories about your honey moon. He your husband and you got a right to get all in his shit. Take control of the situation. He would have to prove he didnt do her and if he cant then leave his triflin self there. He went over there and tried to get brand new. You better shut it down while it's still fresh.

[Wakeup]

You say: "He is Indian by the way." Does that mean you are not?

[Prescious]

You say: "He is Indian by the way." Does that mean you are not?

Exactly! I am black.

[Prescious]

Both these women have good points. You're his wife and he not treating you right. Why is he going there without you? That's not his real family. **** them people. You are his family now. I would ask her and him and no I wouldnt be nice because their shady. You don't deserve that. Its time for you to leave and it's a shame you can't enjoy your honey moon and it's his fault for not creating pleasant loving memories about your honey moon. He your husband and you got a right to get all in his shit. Take control of the situation. He would have to prove he didnt do her and if he cant then leave his triflin self there. He went over there and tried to get brand new. You better shut it down while it's still fresh.

LOL I hear you. You must be black. Yeah I believe that I shut it down by telling him I don't want him to call there anymore. And even though he may say yes to please me, Deep down he looks sad and today I heard him listening to that song by Soulja Boy called," Kiss me through the phone" I have never heard him listen to this song before. Yes he is 100% Indian from India and he loves hip hop and 50 cent and Dr. Dre etc... but I have never heard him listen to kiss me through the phone..See you when I get home. Kiss me through the phone: Lyrics below:

Baby you know that I miss you, I wanna get with you tonigh tBut I cannot baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss youBut I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone,
I'll see you later onKiss me thru the phone, see you when I get home
Baby I know that you like me, you my future wifeySoulja Boy Tell 'Em, yeahYou can be my Bonnie,
I can be your ClydeYou could be my wife, text me, call me
I need you in my life, yeah all day everyday I need ya And every time I see ya my feelings get deeper I miss ya,
I miss ya, I really wanna kiss you but I can'tSix, seven, eight, triple nine, eight, two, one, two

Read more: SOULJA BOY - KISS ME THRU THE PHONE LYRICS

How exactly do I shut it down? And for others who don't understand, this simply means how do I stop this relationship or friendship with that bitch and the family He's listening to Soulja Boy he just met these people and this girl. This is crazy. How do I shut this down without seeing his face so sad all the time for not contacting them

[Wakeup]

... O.o ...

[Valixy]

If you would try to confront that family, you would look bad and it would push him away. Arguing with him won't bring him closer to you either. I think that all you can do is try to organize activities with him, ask him what he would like to do, tell him that you would like to see places or surprise him with an idea that he would really enjoy, and you too obviously, and hope that he will detach little by little from that family and start to reconnect with you. If this isn't giving results, I think that you should suggest continuing your holiday somewhere else, if it's possible. A change of scenary might do you both good.