Sad Story

[Fabregas99]

Hi all, this my first post so just wan to share something with you guys.

I with my ex for three years and she asked for broke off last years July. I was so sad and down. I did ask her back but failed. Then i stopped contacting and keep distance between us. But she keep calling me day by day although i avoided her call so many times. But at the end, i called her back becos i still love her. So started to contact each other again and i thought she want to be back. But when i asked her about the relationship, she said that she got a lot other things to think about and do since after her dad past away in August. She said let it be natural. So i just accept that and continue seeing her. During this few months from Sept till January 07, i seen a lot of things like message from a guy which she told me that they are just frenz, a photo of two of them in her car, phone call between two of them. I did confronted her but she keep on telling me that they are just frenz and accuse me being thinking too much and dont trust her. Then i just remain silents and stop suspecting her. But i did tole her that they a lot of guys out there better than me. I dont mind if u go as i just want to see you happy thats it. She told me that im telling nonsense and im the only one for her.

During this few months we did have sex like two weeks once. During Chritsmas, she gave me a present so i thgouht we already back together and im little bit happy that time. Then later she joined my company and we went to work together everyday. Had breakfast, lunch and dinner togther almost everyday. Recently i loan her some money as she need it urgently so without thinkning much, i went to seek for help from my frenz. I loaned her the money and her no to return back as i love her. Money is not a big deal to me although im not rich

So i thought that she stoped contacting that guy and came back to me for good. But im wrong. Last week, during 2nd day of Chinese New Year, that guy call me up. Asking me y i always call her. Then i knew whats is going on all the while. I asked him whether they are still together and he said yes. I told him that she nvr admit at all. Then he asked me wat actually going on between me and her as he also suspecting her hiding things from him. So i dont know why i lied to this guy telling him that i thought she wants to come back to me but at the end no and we are just frenz after that. Telling him that i was just helping her family since after her dad past away and nothing else. Then i told him that if u guys are together then just love her and trust her. I mentioned to him that i wan to see you guys happy. I didnt know y i said this. Now im being accuse as the third party in thier relationship. I told that guy i will stop contact her. A day after that, i returned all things she gave to me to her mum and explained to her mum what is going on. Then i went off after that.

She message me that i dont have to return back the things. Asking are we still frenz? and telling me that she will return back the money to me. i didnt reply her but message her mum that she will need to stop contact me or else i do foolish things. She stopped after that.

Now i felt so bad and down. I was being fooled by her all the while. I gave her whatever she need even i cant do it but still try. Now what do i get, being accused being third party. I felt so cheated, betrayed and low.

Now i kind of hating my life. I resigned two days ago and i wanted to go out from this place. Too many sweet memories here which i cant stop thinking about her. I wonder why a nice girl like her changed to be so cruel.

Just to tell u guys that i still love her and miss her. Although i choose to go away from this place but i will and always love her quietly.

I wondered why ppl lied to thier lovers? I mean if you dont like or love them then just tell them rather than lying to them to hurt them so much. Now im so afraid to step into relationship again as im afraid to go through a painful relationship again.

I wish ppl out there stop cheating and lying to your lover. Stop being unfaithful to ur lover. It wont bring any happiness. Anything wrong just discuss and dont think that you lie becos u dont wan to hurt them. you lie you cheat you hurt them more.

[Kellarella]

Hey there,

sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

You are doing the right thing. In time you will see that the relationship was unhealthy for both of you, and you will be glad you moved on...

But for now, it hurts. You just have to realise that sometimes people can't tell the truth to their partners when they are cheating, because they don't want to hurt the other person, and that is wrong, but happens so often. She did care about you, and would have felt terrible cheating on you, but maybe couldn't tell you.

Now you know, you can choose to accept it and let it be. Try to cheer yourself up, do things you enjoy, if leaving your work and moving is what you feel you need to do, then do it. Whatever feels right you need to do at this time. Let yourself grieve, cause that's ok.

It all comes down to time. You will look back at the experience and even though it was bad, you won't feel the same as you do now.

Don't lose faith in all relationships. You will be more wary of opening up to people now, but that's ok too... when the right one comes along, it will feel right to let yourself open up...

Good luck with it, take care

Kel xxx

[Fabregas99]

Hi Kella,

Thanks for your reply. Actuacly since after we broke off in July last year, i started to look for web site which could help me to solve my problem and then i found this forum. I've been visiting this website quite often. I been reading a lot of advice post by this forum but i just couldnt follow the advice. Keep on thinking that me and her still have a chance. When she broke off with me, she told me that to choose to be frenz or enemy. i choose to be frenz. All the while my collegue, friend and my god mother has been advising me to give up this relationship as it bring a lot of pain to me. I've been listening a lot of advice from them but i didnt choose to do it and then sometime they kind of fed up with me as they felt bad seeing me surfer all the while and not moving forward to heal myself. Now i felt bad and guilty for not listening to thier advice. I hope they still keep me as fren.

Sometime i just wonder y am i so patient with her and soft to her after all those things which she had done that hurt me a lot. Maybe i love her too much as what my god mother and frenz used to tell me.

Sometime i do think that if a relationship failed it involve both party.part of the blame come from me. Im not good enough for her maybe bcos of this reason which made her did all the things. She was once told me to get a better job, asking me when im going to buy a house. I didnt really answer her that. I have a job but no much income and i dont have money at the moment to buy house. Maybe she looking for more secure relationship. i love her very much but i thnk thats was not good enough.

[Gigabitch]

Ouch.

What you love is not what she is. It's a fantasy, constructed from your own good heart. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to move on and away from this bad person.

Feel sorry for the other guy.

[Fabregas99]

Hi Giga,

Thanks for your comment. It's slightly makes me feel better.

For my self, if i love a girl then i will really love this girl even scraficing myself to make her happy. There are few times i helped her mum in financial without telling her but later when she found out, she scolded me for doing things without telling her. Telling me that as a bf i should know what should i do or shouldnt.

We started things quite fast and good. Both of us love each other so much. She cook for me, massage me when im tired, help me with my study, brought me to her relative's house for celebration, make birthday for me, went travel together quite often for the first two years, and so many things more. We have sex quite often as we always wanted to make each other feels good and confortable. All this stop since early last years. I miss it so much.

I commit to this relationship. I told her i wanted to marry her in two or three years time. She was happy about it and joke around wat she want before she marry me. It was fun and joy being with her. Although we argue sometime but we settle it within a day. i had good time with her for the first two years.

Now everything has gone. She is with someone else. I do pray quite often for thier happiness. Asking GOD to help her mum especially who facing financial problem since after her husband past away last year.