In a bit of a pickle...

[coprhead6]

Hey everyone. I'm glad to be here!

So I have a story for you that I hope will make sense... This is hard to put into words.
I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. We are both sophomores in college (I'm 20; she's 18) and have known each other since our senior year of high school. We're both anti-establishment when it comes to college life and tend to keep to ourselves. She is a very observant Jewish girl who got me really interested in converting to Judaism. In fact, I'm taking my Spring semester in Israel! Anyway, we've both been very serious about each other and have talked about our future together very often. I can see how this girl would be the perfect lifetime companion for me.

So here is the complicated part... Now that I'm hanging around the Jewish circles on campus more and more, I've become good friends with a 25 year old Israeli girl who spent three years in the Israeli Defense Forces as an Officer before coming to the states to do her undergraduate degree. She has had a boyfriend for 4 years back in Israel and has been in a long distance relationship since she began college in '09. We get along very well and always hang out and talk about anything and everything, including our significant others. While she is very beautiful, I've never felt any tension between the two of us until recently.

About a month ago she had a serious fight with her boyfriend and their relationship has been in dire straits. However, she doesn't want to do doing anything until she can see him again in person. Ever since then she has been acting subtly more flirtatious with me (asking me to come back to her room to watch a movie at 12:30 on a Tuesday, inviting me out with her friends, etc). It all led up to this past Friday night.

Both of us went to a birthday party of a mutual friend. Amidst the loud music, the dancing, and the drinking, we were attached to each other for the entirety of the party. I got a little drunk (she didn't drink at all) and we danced on each other for a while. We left after a few hours and started joking about what would happen if we slept together. At this point she asked me to come back to her room and "spoon with [her] because the beds are too small"... She told me that it would remain between us.

Sooo, I did. I felt bad, but it seemed so necessary!
While we didn't do anything, we DID cuddle very sensually the entire night. I could tell she wanted me.

The day after, we didn't talk much until later that night when I went over to her dormitory to watch the 6th Harry Potter movie (she is an RA in a freshman dorm). We sat in the back of the room and, after a bit of awkwardness on my part, cuddled the entire time. In the two days since then, we've just been going about our business as usual. She has been talking about her boyfriend as if they are still doing fine (although she still stands by her claim that she will probably break up with him).

So yeah, I'm a little freaked out! I'm finding myself being seduced by a 25 year old foreigner. I suppose this is what college is all about... Any advice for a poor man?

[MerryH]

Break up with your girlfriend.

That's about all I've got.

[coprhead6]

Yeah, I guess I didn't leave it open for much commentary did I?

[MerryH]

lol. I mean, you've got a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend. It doesn't seem like something you should pursue. But if you still want to, you should have a clean break with your current girl before you actually do anything with the new one.

[coprhead6]

Yeah, I hear you.
This thing with the new girl is just so fascinating that I have to keep exploring it. However, I don't want to screw myself because I do still love my girlfriend. It's just that this Israeli girl is so completely different from my current girlfriend. She's got a lot of fire and sass, as opposed to my much more soft-spoken and reserved girlfriend.

[MerryH]

So your plan is to keep your girlfriend around as a backup while you pursue a relationship with another girl. If it works out with sassy new girl, you'll cheat on your girlfriend then maybe break up with her.

That would be a really shitty thing to do. WWJD?

[coprhead6]

Yeah that sounds pretty shitty.
But by "exploring" I mean to say that this Israeli girl is one of my best friends to begin with and I will still be hanging out with her no matter what... Also, I'm going to Israel for six months, so this must also be taken into account.

And was the Jesus reference supposed to mock the whole Jewish thing?

[MerryH]

Nah, not mocking. Just a joke/invalid advice.

[Poetic_Partner]

LOL. Merry may be a bit silly and sarcastic, but means well and says smart (ass) things.

It's really a simple (though maybe not easy) choice.

a) move the 25yo to the friend zone (if you can't then no-contact) and stick with your current gf.
b) tell your current gf that you've begun to fall for another and are no longer sure about your current relationship.

Just from a purely selfish point of view, you may want (a) because you're not sure if the 25yo is free. That's also the option that breaks the fewest hearts.

However, if you want to sow your oats a bit, then at least give your gf the courtesy of not sneaking around behind her back.

-PP