7 Years Together - I made a mistake - Got Back - She left me

[JamesJamz]

We had been together 7 years, and lived together for 6 of thoese years. We first started dating at college, and things kicked off, a few later (5-6) months I went abroad for xmas, everything was going well, we emailed each other everyday, until just before new year, the emails stopped, I talked to her brother, and he told me she was with some other lad - I soon found out they slept together on new year night. I got so wound up, I made myself sick, I couldn't do anything about it, I was miles away. She stopped talking to me, wouldnt reply, so I gave up, got over it, by this time it was near the end of Jan, and I threw an 18th birthday party, invited her, and lets say we kicked it off again, and we were happily dating for 6 and a half years.

Till a couple of months ago, I made the stupid mistake of thinking I didnt love her any more, I had just finished uni, had a part time job, but didnt have the "student life style experience" - so i ended up going out down the pub nearly every night, she worked, so didnt really want to come out - this happened for just over a week, and i soon get the text saying "we need to talk" i come back to the house, she is sat there crying on the sofa, i talk to her, she asks "whats going on" i burst out and said i didnt think i loved her any more. She then packed her stuff and left.

So, about a month later, i realised what i had lost, another girl got involved with me, but i ended up going back to my ex. I told my ex everything what happened, she told me about this other guy she slept with, and i thought we had worked it all out, we were both happy again, doing things together, going places.... until a couple of weeks ago.... She started being distant, things were going really bad for me at the time too.... didnt get the job i was hoping for, but started a full time job else where, ended up bumping my car, and then the car failed its MOT (had to falk out a load of money for that - money I was going to spend on an engagement ring for her, cos I knew she was the one, and wanted to marry her)

She started going out, to her cousins (where I knew this lad would be that she slept with before), but I trusted her. Next thing I know, its saturday and i get a txt from her "we need to talk" - so she comes back from her cousins picks me up and we drive to the local park and talk, she says things like "i dont think we're working" and "i want to be single for a while" but i manage to talk her through, and we come home, have a bite to eat and then go to our friends house for a bit. Things went ok that night, she talked about things, but then said "i dont know" - the next morning, things didnt go too well... she started saying "i dont feel anything anymore" while i was trying to have a bit. I started talking to her, and she soon changed her mind and things went alright the rest of the day.... Until the Monday, im on the way back from work, and I get a txt message saying "its over - im leaving you" i rush back home, shes on the bed crying her eyes out, I tried to talk to her again, but it didnt work this time, i asked her to look at the picture we had on the side of us together, and asked her "tell me you dont love me" and she said "I dont love you" - at this point i stormed out the house before i did something stupid - by the time i get back she had gone.... again....

So, she doenst really talk to me over the next week, i sent her messages saying how much i love her and how much i care and how much i want her back.... she txt me saying when can i come pick up the rest of my stuff, saying her cousin wants to use her clothes as she broke her ankle or something. I find out she's at her dads that night, so went round with some flowers, and a tshirt I had of her brothers, gave her brother the tshirt, and tried to give her the flowers, she started crying, her dad turns around to me and says "ive hurt her too much - just go", i told her dad that i was planning on marrying her, i ended up putting the flowers on the floor, getting in the car and coming home. By this point her dad had rang my mam, said they were coming to get the rest of her stuff, and told her everything i had said.

So i get back, my mam's waiting for me to walk through the door (i didnt realise what had happend) she says "shes coming to get the rest of the stuff, ive called your mate to come pick you up to get you out the house) - they turn up before my mate does, in just sat on the counter in the kitchen, she walks past me and doesnt even look at me.

And that was it, she didnt txt me much any more, just a txt saying "im not coming back, leave me alone" - stupid me starts with the messages again, saying how much i love her, that ive changed back to who i was....

The next thing i know (less then two weeks after we had broken up) - she updates her facebook with in a relationship with the guy she slept with when i made the mistake of breaking up with her. My heart sank to the floor, i made myself sick again, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything but think of her, and then think of them two together, that made me worse. He lives down the road from me, and i see OUR car parked outside his quite often

Fast forward to last week, yes i had been pestering her for a week with messages, and letters, i know im an idiot - just hope ive not pushed her away too much - my mate rings me and tells me she spoke to him, saying that i dont listen to her, and to stop sending messages, its over. I log into facebook, and see she blocked me from seeing her at all.

So the other day, i sent her a bye message - and im going to let her get on with it, and try the no contact rule, as this is the last thing i can try. I'm hoping she's in a rebound relationship, all I want is her back, cos I knew she was the one, and I love her to bits. Just finding all this so hard.

I log back into Facebook last night, and see she un-blocked me on Facebook - trying to figure out what she is doing, she spying on me (only been posting happy things at the moment to look like im getting on with things, going out and what not - which im trying to do, but miss her so much.

So im pretty stuck at the moment, not contacted her in a few days, trying my hardest to stop myself from saying things that pop into my head that remind me of the good times we had together, and I keep thinking i should send her the messages to remind her of the good times.

Is she even thinking about me at all? I went on a date last night, and it kinda ended badly as i started talking about the ex to her..... DOH

- Sorry for the essay

[NovaW0lf]

You may not want to hear this but: you need to stop. Pull the heroin needle from your arm, and do whatever you need to do to start fresh. It's probably going to take a long long time for you to being able to have those kinds of feelings for someone else...but I'm sorry man, from my own personal experience: this whole situation is toast. The attraction is ruined.

Find your purpose, and go for it without regard to her, even though you'll still be thinking of her in the back of your mind. You're going to have a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of moments where you think back and kick yourself in the ass for not having done something differently...but the truth is: you're human, and there's nothing that either of you have done as a mistake that countless others haven't identically done to each other in the past, and will continue to after we're dead and gone.

I've been through this too.

The key to getting her back is a very unorthodox approach: forget about her. Even though that may be impossible in the back of your mind, you can still continue your life as if you had, and trust me...every once in a while, she WILL check up on you from the shadows. It's too easy not to in this day and age of social networking.

Do some soul searching, find your purpose in life that's separate from her and go for it full speed. It may take months, or even years, but when she checks up on you and sees how you've flourished in life and your happy without her, etc...she'll more than likely try to weasel her way back into your life. At that point, the ball will be in your court.

...but until that time...you've gotta let this whole situation go, bro. I'm sorry.

[Petit Papillon]

You two are not going to be back together, it's life.

And don't put too much hope on her "rebound relationship" . I got in one and it lasted twice longer than the ex relationship...Well it still lasts LOL.

But really stop, she stopped loving you and you make yourself look pity ... Go straight into the healing. Trust me, it's possible AND it's much nicer than hurting.

[Miss_winter]

Yes, I think you really have to let her go and get on with your life. Avoid any contact and if possible, delete her off your FB. Seeing her status updates/posts won't do you any good. It will only make it harder for you to move on. I know it's not going to be easy as currently I'm also experiencing it (7 days of no contact today). But this whole NC thing really helps me. When me and my ex broke up a month ago, I was still living with her, trying to work things out. But seeing her everyday being cold, distant and (sometimes) rude to me really made me depressed. She finally kicked me out by saying if I don't want to leave the pad, she will. And I chose to leave and go back to my parents house. So here I am, not hearing anything about/from her, not seeing anything about her, and just focus on my healing. And I feel I'm in a better place now. I can eat again, I can work, in short I can functioned better. Of course I still miss her and still thinking about her. But whenever that grieve starting to creep from my heart, I feel it for a moment and let it go. My mantra is "this too shall past".

Time heals all wounds. But the pace depends on you.

[JamesJamz]

I want to fight for her though, i hate loosing good things - happened to me too many times, and i feel this is the only thing i can fight for - but i dont know what to do.

[Miss_winter]

I understand. Of course you have to fight for her first, but you have to set a time limit for this and also, prepare for the worst.

[JamesJamz]

How can I fight for her though - what can I do? I need some ideas - and how long should I keep trying?

[oldskool83]

if you want her let her go, ive learned this. just let it be. more your try and prove things farther back your gonna get. you messed up saying you didnt love her, that a very hard statement to take back, with out love your nothing to someone.

[JamesJamz]

Well i just had a snotty voice message from her new guy left on my phone pretty much taking the piss out of me, and about the messages i sent her to try and re-kindle things - saying they were all there having a good laugh at me

I cant be arsed with her any more, she's gone too far now, taking the piss out of me, laughing at me in the background while he's there sending me the message - very childish

[JamesJamz]

I figured out what i lost though, and found that love again - and i told her all this and made sure she knew i loved her again