What do you do for your lady?

[GirLee4Ever]

Hello,
Just wondering what kind of things you guys do for your women to make them feel sexy, attractive,confident and special?
What about to get her in the mood and make her feel uninhibited?
My SO tells me he does not know what to do to make me feel this way so he does nothing, pretty much.
I mean he will pay me a compliment now and then but words are pretty cheap when he never really actually does anything.
There is a long history behind how I used to feel that way and through a lot of actions on his part in relation to ther girls, I just feel horrible about myself and so inhibited. That is not who I was and who I want to be but at the same time, I need a little help from him to get back to how I felt before.
I have to go to a meeting for now but any male thoughts would be appreciated.

[girl68]

You're all wrong. You need to figure out how to make yourself FEEL sexier. A man can only do so much. You have to believe that you are sexy first.

Quote from ugly truth:
"if you don't want to fu** yourself, how can you expect anyone else to want to?"

My point is that if you don't even think you're pretty, sexy, and all that how can you expect HIM to think that?!

[Wallace Stevens]

You're all wrong. You need to figure out how to make yourself FEEL sexier. A man can only do so much. You have to believe that you are sexy first.

Quote from ugly truth:
"if you don't want to fu** yourself, how can you expect anyone else to want to?"

My point is that if you don't even think you're pretty, sexy, and all that how can you expect HIM to think that?!

Half of any belief is positive reinforcement. If you think you're brilliant, but everyone else considers you to be the intellectual equivalent of Jessica Simpson, then you won't persist in that delusion -- unless you're delusional. If she wears something revealing, he has to say something risque and act on it. He has to notice her, too.

I'm not being combative so much as suggesting that your tough love solution is half the battle.

[girl68]

I would disagree. And I disagee because you're using extreme examples. What I'm talking about here is an average person believe a believable, realistic belief.

[GirLee4Ever]

..........

[Junket]

Maybe he's not attracted to you anymore.

When a guy is feeling attracted to a girl, he doesn't have to try, as fleeting as the emotions may be, they're real in the moment.

[GirLee4Ever]

Well, I would think that would be the case if he wasn't always trying to have sex with me all the time.
I do not want to have sex because I am not feeling sexy or in the mood. I am a women, not a damn light switch.
If he did things to make me feel stupid or unattractive, the last thing I am going to want to do is be naked and jump right into sex. If you did something to make your lady feel stupid and embarrassed about herself...you do nothing to make it better and she just feels better on her own huh? Are all women that uncomplicated and easy?

He tells me "your beautiful".
Well wow, thanks but 2 words aren't exactly going to make me want to rip my clothes off and bare my body. I think any woman would agree that sometimes it takes a little more then cheap talk to get her in the mood. Maybe I am wrong??
I am new to internet forums and I did not expect someone to be so mean and without knowing everything just say something hurtful.
I came here to ask for suggestions as to what other guys do to make their women feel sexy, so far have not gotten a single one.

I must thank Wallace Stevens because it seems this poster gets it.
"Half of any belief is positive reinforcement." Absolutely correct!

And that is what he says he does not know how to do.. .therein lies the problem.
He says he is not creative and doesn't have any clue how to encourage me except for to compliment me and have sex with me.
In his words: "I tell you you are beautiful, I grab your parts and want to have sex with you all the time..that prooves I want you. Doesn't that make you feel sexy?".

Me: Ummmmmm...no.

Him: Well, I do not know how else to show you I think you are sexy. I am just not a creative guy.

I want to be playful and uninhibited but after the way he has discouraged me I feel all shy and totally inhibited.
I do not want to feel like that but at the same time I need something more then a compliment and an ass grab.
Do you all just go around grabbing your womans ass and that is what makes her feel sexy and special? That's it huh?
I doubt that is all it takes for women but maybe I am just weird. Well thanks for all your suggestions and answers , I guess.

[Mish]

How long have you been together?

[GirLee4Ever]

2 years and 9 months.

[Junket]

What do I do?

I learned how women function by reading some of that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book my g/f picked up.

When both parties understand how the other works (and care in the first place), you have less of these issues.

There are too many things for me to mention in what I do to ensure my g/f wants to jump on my wang. It's just a matter of learning how to implement them without putting in much effort.

[Mish]

Has he been more appreciative of you and tried to make you feel special before?

[GirLee4Ever]

Umm , I would have to say that no, he has not. He just says he is not the romantic/passionate type and that he does not know how to show me he appreciates me..except for he tells me loves me, he comes home and he wants to have sex. That is how way of showing his love for me.

[Junket]

That is how way of showing his love for me.

It's true.

Once you fully understand this, and he understands you have a different love language, you'll both be a lot happier.

[LoveHurts09]

u've been together for almost 3 years and u're saying nothing has changed? seems like u've got a lazy bf, it's probably already too late to change him now unless he really loves u - say what u like about not changing people but she's clearly unhappy with him so if she doesnt change him she'll have to accept him or leave him.

hmm how to make a girl feel special... well attention is the key, wether it's from compliments or romantic gestures, showing them how much u care is what they want cos guys dont show their emotions so well.

tell him u want to go out, tell him to run u a bath, ask him to cook, ask him for a massage etc, what do u do for him?

[Bumble_bee]

Alot of women after having a baby need the help of thier partner to reinforce thier self esteem, I do not blame you for that,and well done for getting into shape and doing what you can to make YOURSELF feel better. I think you have done what you can (dressing sexy for him, keeping in shape etc)...so I totally get why this might be fustrating for you.

I do agree he needs to put in more effort, the problem is, if you knew from the beginning that he wasn't the doting and romantic type, it might be that becasue you need more re-assurance than you used to, your counting on him (by over-expectation) him to get you back to that state of confidence.

basically what i am saying is, if he never was the type, then your asking him to change. In the end, he is just a guy, who is being how he always was, so he may have no idea he is making you feel worse.

In the end it IS up to you to work on those insecurities, becasue he didn't intentionally put them there, and he never changed, you did.

keep doing what your doing, do stuff that gives you pleasure, initiate sex, be dominant, and you will eventually grow your own confidence, without the need for his -never existed anyway- input...he will naturally be truned on by a woman who takes control of her own pleasure and keeps herself up.