first date since breakup

[Earthling84]

If you have been following my story you know what it is, if not, basically my girlfriend and me broke up after a 4 year relationship. She moved back to her parents house. We never really had any big fights or anything, we just both kind of were neglecting the relationship I think.

This happened less than a week ago, on Wednesday last week. I saw her the day after the breakup, but then not for a couple days. I saw her again today, monday. I asked her on the phone yesterday if we could 'date'. Telling her I think we had a good thing the past 4 years just we let the relationship slip. And said I think we should give it another chance and not just end it like this. She agreed we could 'date' and see how things go.

So our first date was tonight. We went to gameworks(kind of like dave and busters). Food/drinks/games. We played pool then had some food. Then after that went back to 'our' house and watched a show on TV. Then she left.

She wasn't super lovey with me, but I didn't expect that, I only got a kiss on the cheek and a hug at the end of the night. And I tried not to be too lovey either. We did walk into gameworks with arms around eachother, and held hands often while walking. We had good conversation and I decided to ask her if wednesday she'd like to go to a museum downtown with me. She said yes. So wednesday we will be going to the museum of science and industry

So I got another date... well actually 2. She has an interview on wednesday(at 10am before the museum) and she wanted to wear some 'piece of clothing' that she had forgotten for a couple weeks at the dry cleaner around 'our' house. The dry cleaner was closed as it was late. I told her if she'd like I would pick it up and bring it to her tomorrow, and we could go to lunch. So she said that would be good.

I feel like a schoolboy chasing after his first crush now I think she is amazing and I hope we can work things out and have a stronger relationship than ever!

I just hope I do everything right and get another chance with her.

[alter_ego]

Good to hear... I am almost certain that you two will be a couple again very soon.

[Earthling84]

I saw her again today for lunch, actually yesterday as I am writing this email after 12pm... We went to lunch and then to the mall. We walked with arms around each other trough the mall, and things seem to be going good. She won't give me a 'goodbye kiss' yet though, only a kiss on the cheek. I'm guessing she doesn't want to rush back into things as it is still soon?

Other then no kiss everything seemed great. We decided to push going to the museum from wednesday to thursday because her interview was changed to thursday. We had originally planed to go after her 10am interview wednesday, but since that is now thursday she said wednesday she wanted to prepare for that and we should go thursday.

I over think things. I hope the no kiss and moving back the date aren't bad things. She did agree to 'date' me and we did seem pretty close walking with arms around each other like I said. I am happy to go slow and win her love back over time.

Thursday will be the last time I see her until monday. She is going for a 'girls weekend' up to our old college town with a couple of her girl friends(she's had this planned for over a month). I think the few days apart will be good for us, even though it will be hard not seeing her.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

[sad_soul]

very nice! everything sound perfect so far. hope you guys will get back together again. just keep taking things slowly. Good luck!

[Earthling84]

I've been having much trouble sleeping

Last night I couldn't sleep at all. I think I need to get some sleeping pills to help.

I called my ex today and it went straight to voice mail. I hope maybe she hit a button while grabbing her phone. I will try calling her again later today/tonight. We did plan on going to a museum tomorrow so I hope she answers and that all goes well.

[Earthling84]

I gave her a call back about 1.5 hours after the first call. She answered She was in starbucks so I asked if it would be better if I called her back later and she said yea, give me a call at 5.

I also said during our short convo, 'good choice on moving the museum to thursday cus it is horrible weather today'. I said so we all good for tomorrow then? and she said yes.

I'm glad she answered, that call earlier had me scared. I still am unsure of where the relationship will go, but I am really excited to go to a museum with her tomorrow. During the mall yesterday we walked arm in arm. I can't wait to walk arm in arm with her for hours through a museum tomorrow. I feel so good while with her, I just hope she feels the same.

[alter_ego]

Don't worry... your relationship is improving by the minute, things will work out just fine! Relax....

[Earthling84]

thank you so much for your kind words alter. I just am an over thinker and have been analysing this too much perhaps. I highly doubt she would be hanging out with me and agree to 'dating' again if she didn't want anything to do with me. Just the lack of a goodbye kiss hurts me. On the first date she won a game of pool and I said, "winner gets a kiss" and she said, I don't kiss on the first date, but said you can give me a kiss on the cheek.

I am guessing she just doesn't want to get back into things to quickly and set herself up for getting hurt, although I would never hurt her again, and I didn't try to the first time, I just neglected the relationship because I felt too secure. I hope she opens up and calls me more and sees I have changed. I know I can't simply tell her I have changed, I need to show her, and I hope she is willing to give me a 2nd chance.

[alter_ego]

She is not willing to give you another chance, she IS giving you another chance. She wouldn't agree to see and date you if she really wanted to end things. It would simply be too painful for her. So by seeing and dating you, she is giving you a chance to show her.

Don't worry about the no kissing issue, she is just trying to keep you on your toes, make you keep trying. I'm sure that she's enjoying this a bit.

[Earthling84]

I really love your advice alter, reading your responses makes me feel good

[Earthling84]

I have read many things online about acting like the break up doesn't matter and not talking to the 'ex' for some time.

I don't think that would be good in my situation, but tell me if I'm wrong. I feel like we broke up because we already weren't paying enough attention to eachother. I mean we lived together, and saw eachother daily, but we didn't give eachother enough caring and conversation. So this is what I am doing now. I realize she is the most important thing in my life, and I don't want to lose her. I want to keep contact with her and let her see how much I care.

She is going away this weekend for a 'girls weekend' which she had planned for some time. That will be hard not seeing her from thursday night till monday at least. Hopefully she will go on a date with me monday. I plan on hanging out with some friends and just keeping my mind off it the best I can during the weekend. and maybe the few days apart will give her time to think, and I hope the museum tomorrow will help her see how much I care.

[alter_ego]

Well... I was in a similar situation for about 2 years ago, but I messed up. It's nice to see that you are doing better.

Acting as if nothing matters or that it doesn't bother you that you broke up is not wise. It's a pride thing I guess, it's hard for some people to admit that they need someone else, that they are in a weak position relative to the one they love. Instead they act as if they don't need or want their ex, what you need to do is quite the opposite.

You need to show her that you do need her in your life, that you really want to be with her and possible that you would go trough a great deal to keep her happy. Women like that.

[Earthling84]

Thanks again alter, your making me feel like I am doing the right thing. Many of these sites say to not talk to your ex, act like you are just fine and perhaps dating other people. I didn't like that. I want her to think I am ok without her, but i want her to know I do want to be with her.

I just don't want to be overly obsessed. I haven't terrorist texted or called her to many times a day. I only texted her maybe 3 times since breakup, saying things like "GL with your party" and when she wrote me back saying it went well I texted back saying "im glad it went well, I'd love to hear about it!".

I don't want her to get into a new relationship for the fear that I know new relationships can be quite fun. The first few months of a relationship are purely lust and can be fun with almost anyone. I want that to be with me, and not someone else, which is why I want to stay in her life. I would have been so heartbroken if she didn't agree to 'date' me again, I felt I put my heart on the line, but luckily she said yes.

I only call her about once a day, she didn't answer earlier today, it went straight to voice mail, so I did call her 2 times today, and she was out at a coffee shop so I said well if your busy I'll call you later, so 3 times today. But it wasn't like I was calling and calling with her not answering. So I hope that is ok.

I hope over time she starts calling me and pursuing me, as I feel it is mainly a one sided thing right now. But she at least is willing some what. I think I am showing her I do want/need her in my life, I just hope she will start showing me that also more.

[Earthling84]

So i called her at 5 like I said. I kept the conversation short. Just asked her how we should meet tomorrow and we agreed we could meet at 'our' condo then drive to the museum from there. At first she seemed kind of reluctant in the fact she said. I could take the train as my interview is near a train station. But I said that would be silly as I have to drive anyways. So we agreed we'd meet at the condo. So I guess not reluctant to go to the museum, but like she wanted to just meet there instead of driving together.

As long as all goes well we will meet tomorrow and go to the museum. It seemed good and all setup, so I hope all goes well. I asked her so for sure we going tomorrow, and she said yes.

She does still have her facebook and myspace as "in a relationship" so that makes me feel good, hoping that she is giving me a chance to work things out and doesn't consider it over yet. She just seems distant still, I am the one trying to do everything and she is agreeing and seems happy while we are together, but just doesn't seem important to her to call me or set things up with me, that is all on my side.

I guess I have said this all before, and I would assume this is because she left me. So she is the one who is unsure, not me, and I need to show her I can be good for her, she is just waiting to see what happens I guess.

Any thoughts or advice still I'd love. You guys have been great and I love hearing back from you!

[bluesummer]

I like the way you're handling this Earthling. Putting some of the spark back into your relationship....her making you 'chase' her....it seems like fun. And it will allow you guys to really see your relationship for what it's worth.

Good luck.