I thought things were going so well, please please please give me some advice!!

[ConfusedGay]

This is a bit long, so please do bear with me - short version is there's this guy who I slept with, spent time with since, kissed since, gone back to mine with twice with nothing happening for different reasons - who emailed his friend a few weeks ago saying he 'really wished' he hadn't slept with me, even though all this has happened since! Here's the long version:

I met a guy in mid December at a conference in Manchester - we got talking at the pub after, with everyone else there, and hit it off a bit I thought. As people were leaving, we decided to go on to somewhere else, just the two of us - we chose one of Canal Street's lovely gay clubs! So we were in there, got to a bit of kissing and touching etc, but nothing heavy.

So, we left and were walking back to both of our places, which were coincidentally in the same direction! At this point, we'd had a couple of pints each and walked for almost an hour, so were essentially sober. So, we got back to his front door and, instead of goign in like I think we were both expecting, I said good night, see you tomorrow etc. he asked to kiss me good night, we did and that was it for that night.

The next evening, a group of us went out again and this time we got separated - we'd had a couple of pints each again and walked home the same way, so were sober again! This time, I went in to his and I stayed the night - he started it in his room, which I think is important! SO I left the next day, I texted him a couple of times but it was a little dry and serious, sadly.

I saw him again about three weeks ago when we were at an event in Newcastle - again, night out after, in the club, he comes up to me and kisses me. He also gets with a couple of other people that night, as do I, and nothing could happen because we were staying with different friends, with other people etc.

I've seen him once or twice a week since, as we have the same close friends, and a couple of weeks ago he came back to mine, despite the fact that his was much closer... Unfortunately, I had other people staying so nothing happened. He came back to mine on Thursday again, but we were both extremely drunk and basically passed out. He is sleeping with other people and has his eye on one or two other people, so do I - that's not my problem.

I thought that things were going quite well through this, we're always friendly and genuinely get on well. I'm not looking for anything in particular, I must add. However, someone showed me an email that they'd seen from him to someone else, the night after I kissed him in Newcastle early this month, saying this about me: "[Last night, I kissed] the one I said I'd slept with but really wish I hadn't. Appears that when things get heated, anything can happen!"

I am very very confused. The first two days I met him, we were completely sober, I said no on the first night - I don't understand why he would regret it. He came onto me in his room and, on the first night, said he had wanted to kiss me as soon as we started talking in the pub. And everything that happened since, I really need some advice! We're getting to be quite good friends, I just need to know what people make of this.

Thank you so much everyone

[xxazurexx]

He regrets it and never meant it to happen....but things do happen and in the heat of the moment.

If he regrets it, then he's likely not looking to pursue anything more with you.

Perhaps he's looking to pursue the guy, he sent the mail too?? Which is why he explained the situation between himself and you.

[ConfusedGay]

Well, I know that he isn't after the guy he emailed - the rest of it was apparently just chat about other guys, who he got with and when, who he'd like to get with etc.

If he regrets it, why all this other stuff since though - that's what really confuses me! Coming back to mine twice, kissing me in the club - I'm not looking for a relationship or anything else really, I just want to know where I stand

[MerryH]

I'm not looking for a relationship or anything else really, I just want to know where I stand

I think you might be lying to yourself a bit. If you don't want a relationship or anything else, then why do you care where you stand? Why would it matter? Just see where things go.

[ConfusedGay]

I think you might be lying to yourself a bit. If you don't want a relationship or anything else, then why do you care where you stand? Why would it matter? Just see where things go.

Don't get me wrong, I really like him - but as a friend much more than anything else. I've spent so much time with him recently, I just really like him. Neither of us are in the right place for relationships, so that's off the cards.

I really wanted you take on it because, while there isn't any awkwardness when we're out, I don't want him to be feeling any if I try to get with him again - and I'm just confused, I want to keep him as a friend more than anything, so I do want to know where I stand!

[xxazurexx]

Maybe he's just keeping you around as a kind of 'back up'. Giving you signs that make you think he may want a relationship/that this is more than a friendship. That keeps you 'hanging' on in there, he knows it and in case he changes his mind about you.

[ConfusedGay]

God, i hope not! He's sleeping with someone else atm, and he's told me about a couple of other guys he's into - so have I. That might sound weird, but, I hate to say, we are the stereotypical promiscuous gays! We were both totally upfront about it, I mean we shared stories the night we met...

I just want to be good friends - but I can't help myself when I'm around him. I've never met somebody whose personality I love more than his - I talked to him at first becasue I thought he was hot, but it's his personality that's made me want to stay friends and stay in touch, rather than move on...

[xxazurexx]

Maybe you should get out while you can!

You may end up falling for this guy BIG TIME.....sounds like you are already half way there!! lol

[ConfusedGay]

Heh, tell me about it :S

Sadly there's no way out even if I wanted to! Unless I change career, I'll still see him almost every week and unless I change friends the same is true!

I really think I just want to be good friends - I'm not sure whether I can manage it though :/