Can I get a guys explanation??

[Evelyn]

I was going out with a guy for 3 months with whom I felt for the first time in my life was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was not known to have a girlfriend for a very long time and even his friends nicknamed him the "iceman" so naturally everyone was shocked to see him with me and to see him so happy.
We had what I consider 3 amazing months except for 3 separate occasions in which we argued because all times he had promised he would do something and cancel last minute. Apart from that we had fun together, could talk about so much stuff, had the same outlook on life, and in general I felt naturally very close to him. He even introduced me to his entire family and held my hand the whole day (they were surprised at this apparently).
His friend warned me months ago that if I pressure him too much he will just shut down and to be careful. Well....he did exactly that. After this 3rd argument he did the usual of just stonewalling me, not responding, refusing to discuss the issue and so I jumped on a train to go see him face to face and talk with him. He was not home and when he discovered I was there he got on the phone with me to tell me I shouldn't have just arrived (it is a fairly long train ride) and that he was not going to come home nor was he going to change his mind. He also said he was unhappy about everything in his life and that he DID care about me but i shouldn't have turned up and we would talk the following day.
Well - he never called, avoided my emails, and 10 days later I found out through a mutual friend that he had emailed her husband to say we had split up. He never told me personally.
Now I am sure you all think he is wanker - in fact I agree his behaviour was really irrational and out of order. I finally got a text that evening from him after I had called and said I had spoken to our mutual friend and why hadn't he told me personally and could we talk . HIs response was a callous text told me to leave our mutual friend alone (psychotic behaviour??) He really is trying to hurt me very much.
My question is why would someone who so obviously cared about me (I have many really positive amazing experiences I could list) behave in this way? If there is something wrong with his head - which is my opinion....is there anyway I can help him - probably indirectly or somehow? Here is a wonderful guy gone beserk - his friend did warn me. As I love him I just want to know if there is any hope for sanity??? Are there any answers or must I accept that I have to move on with my life. It's sooooo hard when you love someone and you know that they are not ok. It's obviously issues....but am I making excuses or is he really a toatl asshole even though this behaviour is totally inconsistent with the rest of his behaviour?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Well, theres a couple things that could be going on here. One is that he could just be childish and a prick. Or he really could have a problem, he could be bipolar. I had a friend like this who was bipolar and he'd be a cool guy and have a lot of girlfriends who would fall for him then after a while he'd turn around and blow up on them and never want to speak to them. I took it upon myself to make good friends with one of his girlfriends so I could see her side of it when they would inevitably break up. So eventually they did and she had no idea why. She had gained an enemy from a love for absolutely no reason. Unfortunately he has made up his mind and simply will not allow you to be a part of is future.

[Soulkiss_29]

Sounds like you are from England - 'God save the queen'!!! : )


A very sad story indeed, but you don't need this nonsense. It sounds like he is the 'badboy' type or a complete psycho and you don't need that.

My only advice to you is to cherish the memories you shared with him and move on. There are many fishes in the sea and eventually you'll reel one in.

[ineedsomespace]

If it's a guy's perspective you want, I'm happy to give my opinion. Women are more emotionally complex than men. Because of this they tend to assume that men are motivated by the same emotions as women.

This just isn't the case. I agree that on the face of it this guy seems to be callous and hurtful. However, I think his motives are much simpler and uncalculated. Men shy away from commitment more than women. They generally don't like to be tied down.

This guy seems to have come to a crossroads. He presented himself with a simple decision. Was this new relationship going to work for him or wasn't it? When he decided it wasn't he was presented with another simple decision: should he face an awkward confrontation and end it face to face, or should he lie low until it became obvious that he was no longer interested? He picked the easier option for him, and the more painful one for you.

Life is a series of simple, logical decisions for us men. Women are the victims of the fallout of these decisions because they feel more and care more. Don't judge men too harshly - just try not to put too much faith in their caring side.

And Soulkiss_29 - sounds like you're from America. Hail to the chief.