He has a wall

[Melina1562]

Hello to all
I would like some advice from you, and above all I want to know if there is someone with the same problem.
I'm dating a 40 year old man it's five monthsnow, and I really like him, he makes me feel special. The problem is that he always told me he doesn't want a relationship because that scares him, then "things get complicated." We act as we are a couple but actually we are not and to make it worse we live 5-hour drive from each other. He calls me almost everyday but we can't meet often.
I always thought he had built a protective wall around him because it is a very sensitive person, but recently he has admitted. He has always shown, but only in facts, that he cares about me but because of this wall we can't be a normal couple. I can not talk about the future, I can not tell him that I love him, even if I show him the best I can. He once told me I love you but after a min he said I'm joking.
I do not want to lose him and I will absolutely not give up. I just want to break down that wall.
Please help me

Thank you so much

[lightstar]

Are you sure hes not married? why are you still seeing him if you know he is not interested in a relationship?

[Melina1562]

Are you sure hes not married? why are you still seeing him if you know he is not interested in a relationship?

Yes I'm sure he's not married.
Because I love him. He's the best, loving, generous, caring person I've ever met.

[lightstar]

but if there is a lack of commitment and he is not meeting your needs, is love enough to sustain it? Do you want the relationship to remain this way indefinately with a man who refuses to move forward?

It would be wise to assess what you want out of life and for your future and decide of he can give you that. If not, then you already know what the solution is.. end this so you are free to look for someone emotionally available who can give you all the things you crave

[Melina1562]

I would like to try to break this wall. I know it will worth it. But I don't know how

[lightstar]

you can't force it. He has to choose it and the fact he has a wall up with you could mean he doesn't see you as a permanent feature in his life. When people see a future and want to commit, they do. Maybe hes thinking "she will do for now" or he likes having independance and freedom and wont change that for you so will just give you crumbs as long as your willing to take it

You should really be strong and tell him "its all or nothing". After 5months at this stage in your life, you should be looking for something more solid and stable. Some people waste years of their life hoping things will change but they rarely do.

Sometimes taking a stand, being independant and saying "I don't NEED you but I would like xyz with you and uf I cannot have that with you then I will find someone who can give me those things" can be enough to shake him and make him take you seriously.

but you have to be willing to follow through and walk away so he knows your not messing around

[basilandthyme]

You can't break someone else's wall. Only they can do it - and it will only happen if they truly want to change.

The only thing you can do at present is decide whether or not you can accept him and be happy in the relationship as it is.

[Melina1562]

Thanks everyone!!!