Through the Corner of my eyes

[anachronistic]

I just wrote this. First poem in a long time. Let me know what you think, I am thinking about posting this on a social network, but I don't want her to know it's her.

Looking left through the corner of my eyes
at the shape of her checkered shoe
like a blurry heart in my mind

Staring at the clock, but through the bottom of my eye
at the color of her lip
soft and red at night
if my finger strokes across it.

Looking down at the notebook, but across at her
at her slender hand
longing to hold it.

Gazing past her, but directly into her eyes
and into her black pupils
I see innocence. My heart beats faster.
I see loyalty. My legs begin to tremble.
I see trust. My body tingles.
I see--

[Tedel]

I think the poem is OK, lil'. I'm not any expert in poetry in English, but, as I see it, there is only one mistake in it:

You're praising this girl a little too much.

I mean, if you know many girls are afraid of heights (symbolic line, girls in LF), why are you placing her up in a pedestal?

Wouldn't it be better to invite her to walk by your side? Giga might confirm or rebate this, but I think that is just what every female wants.

mm... I wouldn't post it if I were you. Some things should remain only for ourselves.

[anachronistic]

Good point. Moreso, I now feel as though I didn't write the poem for her, but rather for people that had intimate experiences like that.