hi Im married frustrated , sad...and all the above feelings u can have...help!!

[butterflygirl]

Hi everyone...

I am in a dilemma... I am married..hes a good father and goood man ..only thing is he doesnt give me what I need emotionally and physically...yes we have sex ..few times a week even but he doesnt take the time for me. He doesnt call me sweet names like, love..sweetheart...hunny...i need those...also flirting and touching... u know what I mean? and yes I have told him over n over and hes doesnt listen. Anyway, I went on a trip lately..went and visited a man that would be cool to just hang out with ..go for a drink...i have been talking to him on the net for few yrs..was like a brother sister relationship nothing more..we each had other interests. Well we met and when we did..sparks flew like crazyyyy....me and my g/f hung out with him for about 5 hrs..and I never smiled n laughed and had feelings liek that since I was 14 yrs old..he feels same. We only kissed..n hugged..maybe lil groping in hallway of his place. Now I have a problem..he gives me what my husband doesnt... we want to meet and see where this goes... it might not work out...we dont know..but I cant picture myself looking into my husbands eyes and hurting him this way...Im going crazy.... any questons or suggestions?? Friends say go spend a week or so with this guy privatly without hubby knowing see how it goes first before u give everything up and ruin your life...

[The Great OV!!!]

butterflygirl, what are you doing? Arn't you already in a way cheating? Groping in hallways with man is not what married women do when it is not their husband. Your husband was ok with you going on some trip to meet some guy? or did you make up some bogus other reason? I don't know...I think you need to get your head straight together because you are about to ruin your family. Does this new guy know that you are married? What is it with woman when a man just says a few things and they think sparks are flying, Wierd to me.

[Tiay]

Do you have kids? STOP AND THINK what you're doing, woman! The only reason sparks flew so much with the other guy is because you haven't felt anything like that with your hubby in too long.
Of course, he should've taken your needs seriously when you told him- but now you're just going to leave without even *trying* to make him listen? Without even being honest to him about what's been going on? without giving him a chance? That's just wimpy. You need to sit down with him and really talk. spill everything.

Go listen to [URL="http://archive-a02m01.libsyn.com/podcasts/1411762c223ba8b8992256a985f829db/45c5c5ae/sexisfun/45_coochie_show.mp3"]this[/URL], the whole thing.

[Zach]

Your the kind of person that makes me sick to my stomach, have a wonderful life.

[TDurden]

I'm with Zach. You only deserve our help so that you don't hurt your husband. Stop being a lying, cheating, rat and own up and talk to your husband.

Never see or talk to this other guy again.

And your friends are immature assholes.

[Tiay]

do you think you'll get her to listen to you by putting her down? No, you'll just make her run away and do the wrong thing.

and anyway, marital problems are never the fault of only one person. She communicated her needs and he didn't listen, which, yes, is his duty if he wishes to be the only person she comes to for sexual release. If he isn't willing to put in the effort to make her feel special, then she wont be very resistant to other people who are willing to do just that. That's just how these things work.

BUT! he deserves to be clearly told "hey, I need these things. being called sweetheart, being flirty, etc, whatever, that is part of how I know I am loved, and if I don't have those things I don't think I can maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm afraid if I don't get those things, I will eventually stray-- in fact, I ****in' already have!..." TELL HIM EVERYTHING. everything you've done, everything you feel. Heck if you were going to run away, what have you got to loose? He deserves at least to be told the truth and he deserves to be given a chance. And then you need to WORK at it to get to a place where you're getting what you need, and so is he, of course. both of you have to work on that, because he can't read your mind.
You have kids. You have no idea about the amount of emotional scarring you can cause here. They'll think it's their fault, they'll have higher chances of divorce in their own marriages, they're lives will be thrown into turmoil. You have so much to save here. PLEASE give your family a fighting chance, don't just run off! STAY and SOLVE it.

[SONOIL]

You were kissing with him? You were huggung? YOU ARE ****IN' CHEATING WHORE THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! Didn't you make a vow to be together for better or for worse?

[JohnsonROd]

You were kissing with him? You were huggung? YOU ARE ****IN' CHEATING WHORE THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! Didn't you make a vow to be together for better or for worse?

Lionos, you're an asshole... what the **** do you know about anything.

Butterflygirl, I agree completely with Tiay, own up to everything... let him know you were tempted by some guy who was giving you the things you've been asking your husband for... and he needs to make some sort of effort...

Although, you should remember... in long term relationships, like your marriage... the lust usually goes away... the whole flirting aspect of it usually goes away too... what's left is love, companionship, and teamwork. (**** I'm making myself gag) but seriously, it's true.

I'm sure your husband is tempted too by girls who he thinks are whores in bed... but he keeps his pants on. You gotta do the same

[Tiay]

own up to everything... let him know you were tempted by some guy who was giving you the things you've been asking your husband for... and he needs to make some sort of effort...

definitely. Of course, it would've been much better to say "I need these things otherwise I fear I might eventually stray", than to have to say "I kinda already did stray.." because you shouldn't have let it get that far. But I'm not gonna beat you up for it. [URL="http://archive-a02m01.libsyn.com/podcasts/dec89a39c818eb0ec99eaee2349d6051/45c683b0/sexisfun/SIF22_monogamy.mp3"]Keeping monogamy hot[/URL] is a really hard thing to do. Everyone should listen to that podcast, and I don't mean just that episode.

Although, you should remember... in long term relationships, like your marriage... the lust usually goes away... the whole flirting aspect of it usually goes away too... what's left is love, companionship, and teamwork. (**** I'm making myself gag) but seriously, it's true.

I'm sure your husband is tempted too by girls who he thinks are whores in bed... but he keeps his pants on. You gotta do the same

lust does fade. But that doesn't mean he can't call you sweetheart, or touch you more, or be a little flirty; you can teach him exactly what you need, and find out what he wants. That's the only way people can truly stay happily monogamous- when they resolve to listen to each others needs, and to always try to fulfil them, or get as close as they're comfortable with. At times, it can be hard. But it's worth it.

[SONOIL]

Lionos, you're an asshole... what the **** do you know about anything.

U ever been cheated on...? I doubt, cuz if u were u would know what I'm talking about....

[vashti]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbands, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

[The Great OV!!!]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbandsm, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

+1

______________________

[Zach]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbands, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

+2
___________

[Mathias]

Tiay - some food for thought...

I have known women like this. They are all divorced now, and they remarried men who really weren't all that different from their first husbands, nor are their marriages any different from the first ones. These women are romance junkies. There is no way a man you have been with for X number of years can compete with the excitement a new man brings, and women like this spend their lives whining about how they don't feel butterflies anymore. Part of being a responsible, mature adult is recognizing that those feelings don't last forever, and are replaced by things less sparkly but more substantial.

Sorry butterflygirl - my sympathy lies with your husband and kids, not you. You are extremely immature, and that is unfortunate because your kids could really use a mother that acts like a grown up.

PS - your friends are idiots.

Listen to Tiay. She's ****ing brilliant.

[Ellynn]

Yeah I would have to agree with the rest of the posts. Your living in a fantasy world. No good will come of this if you keep it up. I would try to salvage your marriage if anything. Then if that doesn't work, consider a separation or divorce. Then, if you go thru that, then start pursueing something else. Imagine how you would feel if you found out your husband was doing stuff like this behind your back...