Inner Game

[GrkScorp]

Haha alright fine I give up I guess I'm just lazy.

A little.. that..., and that you're still comming down from thinking about her as the only woman on the planet.. (one-itis)

It'll mess with your thinking.. so give it some time until you're FULLY over her before you go out and start dating again..

PS. Ugh.. San Diego.. not fair man, not fair..

I absolutely love the whole summer look, with flip flops, tanned skin, the works.. something so warm and sensual about it..

[Only-virgins]

Hanging in the balance. I feel so ****ing weird today. I hate everything and at the same time I love everything. What the hell is that? I don't get it.

GrkScorp, thanks man. For all the help in this thread. For devoting the time to help people here like that with your opinions. Who knew it would be this long?

This girl confuses me, she keeps trying to hit on me when she is next to me but when this other guy leaves she goes chasing after him like a bat out of hell leaving me behind. What the hell.

I absolutely love the whole summer look, with flip flops, tanned skin, the works.. something so warm and sensual about it..

Easy access?

[GrkScorp]

This girl confuses me, she keeps trying to hit on me when she is next to me but when this other guy leaves she goes chasing after him like a bat out of hell leaving me behind. What the hell.

Hmm.. I don't really have enough information to work with, but here are the two most likely cases..., btw, no problem OV, there's no need to say thanks, the only thanks I need is to know that you're having the success you want, with the girls you want;

Best case: (intentional)

- I think we both know, that you're at the point now, where this doesn't really need much detail.. If her action is intentional, then it's largely not genuine, it's fake, it's an act she's putting up.. just to get a reaction from you.. remember, what women look for.. is a reaction.. and not just one.. many.. they just want reaction.. and the most classic way to get it, is through jealousy plot-lines.. hence, (intentional)

Now, I know.. doesn't work.. but they'll never learn.. it's a girly urge that's simply too hard to resist.. but if this is the case, that means good news for you.. If she's taking the time and effort to intentionally create a jealousy plot-line, take a moment and think about what that tells you about her motives.. Why would she do that? That's right.. because she likes you.. and wants to get a reaction out of you..

Other case: (unintentional)

- OV, you're a really great guy, intelligent, you think rationally and logically, which is good for the sciences, but not so useful with girls.. I have a russian and two asian friends who are also in the sciences.. The biggest downfall they take, is "pulling away", or.. "take-aways"

In short.. yes, you demonstrate some quality of yours.. some value that you can add to the interaction.. The mistake all three of them do is that they TRY very hard to demonstrate it.. and directly to the girl they like.. Like giving a cat the ball of string to play with.. that's boring.. the cat won't play with it.. The other mistake they do.. is failing to pull away or take away that value.. They're having a great time.. and then, instead of leaving on the high-note, just when the kitty was playing with the string and having fun.. instead of taking that source of fun away.. on that high-note.. they stay there.. until that fun dims away.. almost completely.. and now the interaction is boring.. and the cat is bored.. and wants to leave..

Keep all that in mind as you watch the following video..

Also make note, that such a basic animal, is so natural at acting disinterested, even when it wants the string badly.. and what effort it makes to get that string when it's teased with it, and it's then taken away..

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=YURujk8I2aw"]YouTube - Cat String Theory Demonstrated[/ame]

What could be happening.. is that when she's around you, more importantly.. around the two of you (you and the other guy).. she's having a great time.. and is in a highly excited emotional state.. (let's just call it HBT for now).. and the first one to "take that away from her".. is the other guy, not you.. When he leaves, he's implicitly taking away that value (of you AND him there, TOGETHER, with her).. HE is then pulling away that dynamic, and breaking it apart.. not you.. so when she's left to emotionally rationalize this through FEELINGS, it feels that things are now less fun when HE is gone.. So when HE leaves, SHE is having less fun..

This type of conditioning, be it intentional or unintentional on the other guy's part.. trains her to chase after him, because she's emotionally rationalized him to be the source of fun, and when he takes that away (himself that is), she can feel herself having less fun..

If indeed unintentional on her part; then:

- When she's in HBT, take-away.. that's right.. just go.. and exit with a subtle but powerful message, "sorry I have to go.. sorry I can't stay longer.. blah blah.. BYE".. it's as if you're subcommunicating that she's at some loss, and you're saying sorry for creating that loss.. and at the same time, you're saying BYE, which people are conditioned to get the feeling of a permanent goodbye, rather than a temporary one..

In effect, you're conditioning her to feel that YOU are the source of fun and this HBT-feeling that she loves being in.. she won't only be more responsive to you during an interaction, but you're actually conditioning her to chase the source of that HBT-emotional state (you).. and feel that state and feeling go away as you go away..

I know, this makes no sense from the standpoint of a guy.. believe me.. I know.. but try and remember that guys and girls are different.. here is one such difference.. for dogs, that go under the honor system.. this is rude, and dishonerable.. but for cats.. it's emotionally stimulating and fun..

When girls chase, and the more they chase, the more emotionally invested and connected they feel.. which is why they try and resist chasing as much as they can.. but that's the object of the game.. to get them to chase.. because notice in how deep of a trance this girl you're talking about is, when this guy gets up and walks away.. She's not thinking.. not with logic anyway.. her emotions and feelings are dictating her actions.. there is no logic, not with chasing.. and the more she chases, the more attracted and emotional she feels towards the person she's chasing.. also, the more invested she feels, because she's spent time, effort, and energy (sometimes money too) in chasing this guy..

Look around the forum.. to all the girls posting "there's this guy I like.. blah blah.. but he's not doing/saying this back.. and i've tried to do/say ____.. and yesterday/last week I did this.. and I keep trying, do you think he likes me?".. It's a very enjoyable ride.. the thrill of all those emotions, fear of loss, hope, excitement, validation, doubt, uncertainty, unpredictability, etc.. For a girl, this is like crack mixed with viagra and spanish fly.. once you're on this ride, it's very hard to get off..

So, it's definitely something to make note of OV, and try and condition girls from now on to responding to YOU as the source of that highly aroused/intoxicated/excited emotional state.. and it's definitely not too late to do that with this girl.. just start taking away and pulling away (naturally and as unintentionally as possible) before the other guy does.. and just keep being your regular, fun, normal, self..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

I know, this makes no sense from the standpoint of a guy.. believe me.. I know.. but try and remember that guys and girls are different.. here is one such difference.. for dogs, that go under the honor system.. this is rude, and dishonerable.. but for cats.. it's emotionally stimulating and fun..

Interesting analogy Scorp

Passingly I've noticed this as well. Some women have canine resembling personalities (loyalty, trust, principals) and some feline (fun, loving, stimulation seeking, changing with the wind).

I think realization I'm slowly coming to is that I'm a canine person.

[misombra]

so, you like bitches?

lol jk.

[GrkScorp]

so, you like bitches?

I love b*tches.. it's just that very few women know what it means to be a b*tch, or how to be a b*tch, and GENUINELY come off that way, not like it's some put-on act..

(please, ladies, this is just personal preferences, not all guys like b*tches, don't run off being a b*tch.. a lot of guys also like honest, loyal, down-to-earth, non-catty, nice, sweet, non-catty girls.. and i'm also one of those guys, I just prefer b*tchy, wild, untamed, over composed, quiet, nice)

[Mish]

Feline qualities = One Night Stand

Canine qualities = Relationship

[GrkScorp]

Feline qualities = One Night Stand

Canine qualities = Relationship

LOL..

That borders a little towards misogyny..

The issue of one-night-stands, isn't something that's exclusive to one or the other.. both cats and dogs would love to endulge in one-night-stands

It's just that dogs follow the honor system.. there's a set of rules, and it's understood that these rules are to be honored and followed, and there's never a justified departure from these rules; to depart from these fair, just, and agreed upon rules is to be unfair, dirty, cheap, dishonorable; and hence, deserving of hate, anger, punishment, judgement, justice to restore the balance of what's fair and honorable

It's the way of the warrior, of organized debate, of formal arguments, and every other aspect of life, including dating and relationships

That's why.. even guys will find it dirty, cheap, dishonorable when they hear of other guys "manipulating, lying" to a girl about promises of love & exclusive-relationship-status in order to obtain sex via a one-night-stand.. because it's a violation of the rules, of what is fair, of what's honorable..

But that's also why guys will find the issue of "who pays" filled with much room for debate, because it seems to violate and trample over what is just, fair, and honorable.. It's as if it implies that the guy has no value, and the girl has so much value to offer, that he has pay for her to be there, constantly, day after day, date after date, and that this is the expectation.. when in reality, it's usually him that's giving up some better alternative to be there, it's usually him that's more fun, interesting, and emotionally stimulating, so it's not logical or balanced that he has to "pay" to maintain this interaction; and on top of that, continue to pay, and be expected to continue to pay to maintain the interaction, without the girl ever offering (genuinely, not fake-reach offering) to pay equally, a system only the Dutch take part in..

And, ok, under the honor system, there's room for understanding.. and mutual agreement to achieve an overall balance.. So, ok.. this is why guys cope and overlook the "paying" issue.. because they understand that for the other person, they need to feel the sense of feeling special and the only woman in the world, and so valuable and worthy of him paying for her.. like she's worth it.. and in the overall picture of things, there's the expectation that on her end, she'll balance this out (but as you guys know by now, when you're the only one playing by the honor system, you're the only one bleeding ego, time, effort, and money, and the only one not getting anything.. but at least you feel like a gentleman and a good nice boy)

This is why, under the honor system.. if the guy has to approach, walk through the social pressure and the room, break the ice, start and open up the conversation.. then it's almost a given, it's the norm, it's the expectation, that in order to balance, the girl must offer and give her number without being asked, because there's already been too much of an ego-risk taken by your part, and at this point, there's not even an ego-risk anywhere near that which you took on her part, so the least she can do is balance under the honor system, (which, very few women do, because they don't play under the honor system)

Under the cat system, you start to feel a massive departure from the honor system.. You can think of the honor system like the code of the Samurai, and the cat system like the code of the rogue Ninja, where there are no rules.. anything goes, and you get terms like "it doesn't count".. There are no reservations felt about bending the rules, because the only rules that exist are those of "self-interest, personal fun, and survival".. The ninja will do what it has to, to survive or have as much fun and pleasure for itself as possible, backstab you, throw blinding powder in your face, use poisons, deception, misdirection, lies, tricks, cheap-shots, and anything else that the Samurai would consider dishonorable, because in the world of the Ninja and cats, there's no such thing as honor, just self-interest..

You can see, how the Ninja would have such a powerful advantage over the Samurai; fighting dishonorably, while the Samurai stuck strong to the honor system.. In the feudal world, the Samurai would be killed, losing his life.. in the dating world, the guy would lose his ego, time, effort, money, heart, feelings, emotions, dignity, esteem, sense of self-worth/value, etc..

But that's until someone realized how to strike a fair and honorable advantage over the Ninja and cats alike.. their weakness, their code, the driving force behind their actions.. the only motives they have.. their feelings and emotions.. their "self-interest".. Some ninjas wanted "value", others wanted a sense of "trust, protection, security, feeling safe, comfort".. while others wanted "emotional stimulation, connection, chemistry, powerful attraction".. All of these played on the cat's self-interest, and when teased with what they were interested in.. they put in effort to get it.. to chase it.. and when feeling fear of loss of that, and a sense of jealousy as if someone else would have it.. they fell into a mode of chasing after the object of their self-interest.. In terms of Samuari and Ninjas in the dating world, this realization of the cat-system, leveled the playing field.. Some guys (former samurai) turned to the dark-side and were consumed by this realization, using this new power and advantage to completely manipulate, and attain their own self-interest with total disreguard for what was honorable.. But guys who understood the cat-system, only used it to level the playing-field.. to bring them towards the honor system, and play fair.. to attain a balance, a just and fair one..

When they did this, they realized, among other things, that Ninjas were not all that.. really.. guys were more fun, more interesting, more funny, usually more successful and financially healthy, less b*tchy, less needy, less issues and problems, and the list went on.. the guys started to quickly feel that, the only thing these cats had to offer, was sex.. And so, some went through a phase where all they looked for was just that.. and so one-night-stands became the only goal.. to have as many of them as one could.. for others.. Sex was overlooked.. denied, they refused to accept that this was the only thing that could be offered.. and embarked on a journey to find something more.. And slowly, they found it.. what they were overlooking all along.. real, genuine, deep, powerful, emotional connection.. synergy.. a feeling that two people were working as one super-human being, combining their energy to form this ultimate force that could conquer and withstand all.. perfect compliments..

So, in the field, you're a Samurai, who knows how to deal with ninjas.. who knows all their tricks.. and how to avoid them, evade them, deflect them, and reflect them back if you have to.. You know how to take away their advantage, and play on your advantage over them.. their nature, "self-interest".. and as you do just that.. as they chase.. you allow for the chance for a genuine and real connection to grow between the two of you.. so much so, that between the two of you, you're BOTH under the honor system.. but to everyone else, to the rest of the world, you're both under the cat-system, looking out for your own self-interest, because you're now one.. Where there's a fluid exchange of affection, sex, love, passion, emotions, support, etc.. between the two of you.. but towards the rest of the world, there's only self interest, to benefit you alone, as a couple or family unit..

[okapa]

Wow, still alive lol.

[Mish]

LOL..

That borders a little towards misogyny..

Qe?

When they did this, they realized, among other things, that Ninjas were not all that.. really.. guys were more fun, more interesting, more funny, usually more successful and financially healthy, less b*tchy, less needy, less issues and problems, and the list went on.. the guys started to quickly feel that, the only thing these cats had to offer, was sex.. And so, some went through a phase where all they looked for was just that.. and so one-night-stands became the only goal.. to have as many of them as one could.. for others.. Sex was overlooked.. denied, they refused to accept that this was the only thing that could be offered.. and embarked on a journey to find something more.. And slowly, they found it.. what they were overlooking all along.. real, genuine, deep, powerful, emotional connection.. synergy.. a feeling that two people were working as one super-human being, combining their energy to form this ultimate force that could conquer and withstand all.. perfect compliments..

So, in the field, you're a Samurai, who knows how to deal with ninjas.. who knows all their tricks.. and how to avoid them, evade them, deflect them, and reflect them back if you have to.. You know how to take away their advantage, and play on your advantage over them.. their nature, "self-interest".. and as you do just that.. as they chase.. you allow for the chance for a genuine and real connection to grow between the two of you.. so much so, that between the two of you, you're BOTH under the honor system.. but to everyone else, to the rest of the world, you're both under the cat-system, looking out for your own self-interest, because you're now one.. Where there's a fluid exchange of affection, sex, love, passion, emotions, support, etc.. between the two of you.. but towards the rest of the world, there's only self interest, to benefit you alone, as a couple or family unit..

That's another interesting analogy Scorp, Samurai vs Ninja, very creative

So, to bring this into a more physical world (instead of abtract) to give a sense of what I mean when I refer to canine vs feline personality traits, I will give a few examples:

Canine: Women who are generous, loyal, trustworthy. They dedicate themselves in help of others. Their idea of fun is when everyone has a good time, when everyone benefits. They communicate interdependence and synergy they look out for everyones interest. Those eyes when they look at you they speak of instant trust, you have no reason to doubt, question or judge them. These women ussually avoid clubs and other places of instant gratification and stimulation. Instead they dedicate themselves to a cause.

Feline: Women who are emotional, stimulation seeking, sensual and fun loving, but also looking out for self interest over the interests of others. Their idea of fun is when they have a good time, and their good time rubs off on select others. They seek value greater than theirs but only to absorb it and move on to the next point of stimulation. When you look into those eyes you see that you need to maitain their interest, their affection is very conditional. These women can be found all over clubs, pubs, parties and other places with high stimulation potential.

So given opportunity to play with a cat would I take it? Of course. I will play around with a piece of string just to watch the excitement and the enthusiasm that such an activity generates (until I get bored with it). Would I want to be with someone who is distracted and stimulated so easily and whose degree of trust is so questionable and conditional? I don't think so. For long term relationship I will be looking for someone whose value is long lasting and is built on solid principals which I find trustworthy.

That's pretty much what I meant by those two simple lines of text

[GrkScorp]

That's pretty much what I meant by those two simple lines of text

Oh Mish,

Yes, you have a very canine quality, and that's good, because most guys aren't looking after a relationship, most guys don't really know what they're looking for.. some guys are just looking for a number, others to kiss, others to just talk to someone, others for sex, others for a date later on in time, etc..

So in that aspect, these guys have their self-interest in mind, they're looking (from a guy's POV) for a one-night-stand, pump-&-dump type of deal..

As for the analogy, it's nothing new, i've been saying this for years.. and when i'm with a woman.. I like to think of it like me being the Samurai, taking on the heavy burdens that fly our way with sheer power and strength, aggressive and direct force.. while my little cleaver ninja handles all these subtleties with indirect force.. as a couple, you (as one entity) act in total self-interest for yourselves.. but within that entity, the two of you follow the honor system, (besides the fact that she's a cat).. there's been a mutual conversion of sorts.. now, if there's no honor system within the relationship, between those two people.. then fcuk it.. the relationship is basically a relationsh*t.. it's over..

[IndiReloaded]

LOL.

You guys are using too many words to explain a basically simple idea. Just make a chi square for the interactions. Then Grk can fill in the boxes for what to expect:


FEMALE:
Feline personality OR Canine personality
MALE:
Tomcat personality OR Alpha/pack leader personality

Possible combinations:

#1 Tom w/feline #2 Tom w/canine

#3 Alpha w/feline #4 Alpha/canine


And there you have it. Except for some minor crossover, all of human dating interactions explained in a simple plot.

Now all you need to do is learn to identify which type you are, which type your partner is & what to expect in each case. This would make a cute little book, actually.

And Grk, the reason you prefer feline/bitches is b/c you wouldn't have anyone to apply your pop-psych to otherwise.

[Gigabitch]

...From my room I can hear her roommate asking my roommate if he wants to go get sushi. Can you see what's coming? Over the next 15 minutes I wait but get no invitation to dinner...

Oh, for ****'s sake. I thought you were the boy in that relationship. You're just too damned sensitive for your own good. SHe's probably never in her life met a guy who actually HAD feelings before, let alone been held responsible for them.

Look, bodo, when you get a virgin you have certain responsibilities. Some of them involve being sexually responsible about contraception and stuff like that, but other responsibilities include teaching them some of the basics of relationship dynamics. It sounds to me like you were expecting her to act like a pro when she's really just an amateur.

You spent a huge amount of time and energy being pissed off at her all the time. Why? It's like being angry with a baby for having bad table manners. Jeeze.

[GrkScorp]

And Grk, the reason you prefer feline/bitches is b/c you wouldn't have anyone to apply your pop-psych to otherwise.

I really did like the rest of the post, although I don't like to think of things so clear-cut and almost digital.. When you're with people.. everyone is like a gradient, a transition, things are more smooth and continuous.. And this is going to perhaps be the nerdiest thing i'll ever say, but if you want to explain a social interaction from beginning to end, take calculus and linear algebra, seriously..

I believe back in Calc I was where you just learn about derivatives and very basic intergration.. I might be wrong, it's been a while.. But you can think of the importance of derivatives to track down the position of the interaction, then gauge and assess the speed of the interaction, and go a little beyond that, (that second step is important) and try and match its acceleration.. Think of it like NASA, trying to land a shuttle onto a space station.. it's not enough to match the position and speed, but the actual acceleration must match aswell..

For most guys, the position alone is usually some unknown variable.. lol.. but for women, they're usually aware of all three, and at the very least, just the first two..

For instant rapport, just come into a group and match all three.. and then after you have a firm sense of comfort, trust, and safety in place.. you increase the acceleration (not position), which in turn will work to increase the speed, which in turn will increase or move the position of the interaction to a different phase.. And as you do this.. there's a new level of comfort and trust established at this new position, speed, and acceleration.., which you know what that means! Time to yet again increase the acceleration and start the cycle all over again.. until you get to the position you want to be in (no pun intended, seriously)

You can analyze this to no end.. social interactions are beautiful.. there's almost an art and science to them.. and more than the outcome, I just get so caught up in the process, but it's all stuff that's going on behind the scenes..

But the chi-square model you suggest is workable, because for the sake of keeping things simple, it works..

Now, the reason I love b*tches, is for no other reason than for the fact that I like to tame them, and do guys a favor in doing so.. It drives me wild inside to see a woman with her life so fcuked-up and out of control, and all over the place, and constantly flaking on others, and herself! etc.. And I just have this strong urge to just jump in, make her mine for a while, and get her life together, then send her on her way, back out into the world.. It's the trill of fixing them.. And I know you're probably going to hit me back with.. (there's no fixing a b*tch).. but, yes..., there is.. and i'm very happy I do, not just for other guys, but for HER.. I like to see her life go back into place, and be more stable and secure.. I like to see her more grounded with the rest of the world.. I like to see her stop thinking with emotions, and start thinking with some logic.. and you'd be shocked, that most of these girls who are b*tches, are actually very beautiful people.. sure, they have some random mood-swings.. but aside from that, they're usually smarter than they look, deeper than they look, and have hidden aspects to their character/personality which they don't even know about yet because they've convinced themselves that "looks" is all they have going for them, and they've been surrounded by idiot guys who have done nothing more but to add to that thinking and reaffirm it constantly instead of showing her otherwise..

Don't get me wrong, i'm not the guy who goes after b*tchy women.. if one happens to come my way, then it's simply her lucky day.. But i'm more attracted to Eva Green types.. women who are mature, grounded, have a strong feminine side, but at the same time, are in contact with their masculine side, it's a whole mix of things.. but she's my standard in women, and I have a bad habit of molding b*tchy women towards that.. something I know will stop one day when I get tired of putting in the effort to mold them, and just give up on b*tchy women alltogether.. and look for that natural, raw, woman..

[IndiReloaded]

LOL.

Ppl as particles. There's actually a growing interest in a field called 'social physics', fyi. Perhaps you should apply to the program.

[url]http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/print/18278[/url]