Need advice on getting her back. Please help.

[mkd87]

So, I screwed up. I didn't cheat or anything like that, no drugs, nothing too shady, but I just screwed up by not treating my girlfriend the way she deserved to be treated. We were together for a year, and the last couple of months, things got rocky.

She has been going through some hard things at work and at home - family issues and just hates her job, it brings her down and she feels like friends are passing her by.

I should have been the shoulder she could cry on, instead, I added to her problems. I would get short with her and snap at her when she asked simple questions or was being nice. I would take any frustration I experienced elsewhere on her. I could go on, but in short, I wasn't very nice. As we often do with those closest to us, I abused her and thought she would just take it. She gave me warning after warning and got sick of it, and about 10 days ago, decided that was enough.

I can't describe how empty everything is without her. When she broke it off, she was sobbing and wanted to hug, and said if I had just been able to let go of past fights, and relaxed more, she would have totally fallen for me. She didn't want to completely shut it off, and said she needed time and space to sort things out, and wanted me to work on myself. I asked her point blank, a few times, if she was just trying to break it off easy or saw us getting back together, and she told me that the 100% honest truth was that she just doesn't know right now. She doesn't know where life is taking her, she says. She kept saying things like, "If we randomly get back together," or "If it's meant to be..." etc.

I don't really believe in meant to be, I believe we make decisions. I was too stupid to realize she would leave, and now that she has, I can barely function. I want to tell her all the stupid things that happen to me in a day, I want to hold her, I want to kiss her, I want to drive her to work like I used to.

I called her a few days after she broke up with me, and told her I missed her so much, etc. She started to cry again, and said me calling wasn't helping anything. We talked for a bit, but that was it. We had to see each other last weekend to return some things to a store, and a few days before I left her a card filled with my thoughts and feelings, how sorry I was, how much she means to me. I didn't know if she got it, but when we parted on Sunday she thanked me for the card. That was the last I spoke to her, or tried to. She seems to not want to hear from me.

I don't know what to do. I want her so bad. I want to call her every night. I don't know how long to wait before trying to talk to her. Or if I wait for her to come to me. Or if I just move on with my life.

[loveormorals]

That all depends on her.

I got married at 18 to a guy that seemed great and we had issues the first few years but things only got worse. He never hit me but the emotional and verbal abuse I feel was worse than anything he could have dome physically.

He would be fine one minute, go outside to smoke, and come back a different person. He made me feel like everything was my fault and I could do no right.

I guess what I am trying to get at is some women will take the time they need and try again, others, like myself, felt like too much damage had been done to even consider it. I was talking to the ex husband tonight and he told me that when I left he felt like his whole world had ended and it sucks but I know that even though we are friends, I could never go back to that.

Give her time to figure things out and try to talk to her again. If she still seems distant and confused, move on because I know that there was nothing in this world that my ex could say or do that would lead me back to him. Dont torture yourself.

[Wakeup]

I would get short with her and snap at her when she asked simple questions or was being nice. I would take any frustration I experienced elsewhere on her. I could go on, but in short, I wasn't very nice. As we often do with those closest to us, I abused her and thought she would just take it. She gave me warning after warning and got sick of it, and about 10 days ago, decided that was enough.

Maybe if you educated yourself on how to communicate, maybe even took a anger management course or, learned how to handle your stressful situations more calmly through an appropriate course or group setting or even councelling for your need to take your shit out on others, your ex may see that you're doing your best to change your overall attitude and ways of coping and she'll give you another chance. Improve yourself for YOU though because even if she's done and not willing to give it another go, you're going to need to improve on that for your next relationship.

It doesn't seem possible right now, but in time (and what you do with your time) you'll heal from this and then you'll be open to meeting someone when you're the best you that you can be.

[IndiReloaded]

Karma. Common for guys to ignore their women until they [their GF] gives up. Take your lumps and be smarter with the next girl.

[THX]

You get her back (maybe). By pretty much doing the opposite of what you are doing. You are focused on YOU. How you feel when she's gone. Lets switch partners. Two situations and two resulting emotional states. As a thought experiment lets assign the bad emotions you are feeling right now to what it would feel like to BE with her. Then remember how it felt in your best memories with her to NOT being with her. In this opposite example you would choose to not be with her because you are chasing an emotion not a person. The person is simply the source, who can giveth and can taketh away. She took something you liked away and you want it back.

What about her happiness? What if she has a better more fulfilling life without you? Maybe the reasons she left you go beyond what she told you were the problems. She may come back when she see's you have changed your attitude for the better. When you genuinely care and are remorseful for how she felt when you were taking her for granted MORE than you care about how the consequence effects you.

These are 2 videos from the Shaw shank redemption (I couldn't embed the first one). You only need to watch the 1st minute of the top video and the entirety of the second. He's going for parole both times. Notice the difference on WHAT he focuses on in each one and how they contrast.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDl1rn0RPT4[/url]

<object style="height: 390px; width: 640px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KGe0X9Ng6_c?version=3&feature=player_detailpage">< param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KGe0X9Ng6_c?version=3&feature=player_detailpage" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="360"></object>[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvAVj5cuk40[/url]

[HeartIsAching]

Maybe if you educated yourself on how to communicate, maybe even took a anger management course or, learned how to handle your stressful situations more calmly through an appropriate course or group setting or even councelling for your need to take your shit out on others, your ex may see that you're doing your best to change your overall attitude and ways of coping and she'll give you another chance. Improve yourself for YOU though because even if she's done and not willing to give it another go, you're going to need to improve on that for your next relationship.

It doesn't seem possible right now, but in time (and what you do with your time) you'll heal from this and then you'll be open to meeting someone when you're the best you that you can be.

This right here is what I was going to say.

You need to learn to communicate. You could probably (almost certainly) use an anger management course. It's possible that if you sign up for one, and tell her that you're doing it so you can be better to her, she might give you a 2nd chance. No promises though.

[haxan]

I don't know about it being so common for guys to do that :-P But that being said, you're probably going to have to take the emotional beating that you deserve on this one.

[surfhb]

If you never contacted her again you'd never here from her. This ones over my friend. Move on