Need Tips on Letting Go and Moving On

[love&otherdrugs]

Alright, some of you know that I've posted here before about my ex breaking up with me about a month ago because he's moving to Colorado... in March. We started No Contact about 2.5 weeks ago. It's been hard but I've been diligent about not contacting him, even when I've wanted to... BADLY.

The ONE slip-up I had was when I was scrolling through his Instagram pictures, and accidentally "double-tapped" a picture of his, which in consequence possibly sent him a notification that I "liked" one of his pictures before I "un-liked" it. Oops. Why am I telling you this? Because, that slip-up wouldn't have happened if I didn't have this sad, pathetic obsession of "checking up" on him via social media.

Seriously, I know I have a problem. It has become an obsession to read his Twitter, FB and Instagram feeds more than twice daily. The worst part is that I've taken the time to block him on everything, but I cave so badly that I use OTHER accounts (via work, friends, etc) to pretty much cyber-stalk him.

I've recognized that this is a problem, and that I pretty much gave up my sanity in this breakup. BUT, I am ready to fix it and move on. I NEED to. I'm realizing that doing this does NOTHING but hurt me. All I've seen by doing this is that he's going out, having fun, and is already talking to a new woman. It's not like he's posting anything about me or saying "I love her, I miss her so much. I'm an idiot and need to get her back."

So, now that I recognize I have a problem and have the desire to change it, can I please ask for any advice from y'all? Can you give me any tips or suggestions for when my curiosity starts to get the better of me and I want to cave? I just flew to California today (away from him), and will be here for 25 days. My goal is to TRY my hardest to not keep tabs on him the WHOLE time I'm here. But, as well as I'm doing today, I know with the upcoming holidays, new years, and my birthday, it's going to be easier said than done. I can't just get rid of my computer or go "internet free" for this whole time, as I am working online, from home, while I'm here in CA.

Any and all suggestions to not succumb to weak, nostalgic feelings and cave from my goal would be GREATLY appreciated! I keep wondering what he's doing and if maybe he's posted a new picture, but I need to somehow learn how NOT to care about it. Please send your help!

[RipVanWinkleX]

Do something to get your mind off things. Anything to stimulate your mind; a walk in a park is nice and peaceful but you will still think of him. Watch a movie or play a video game. Go out with friends or talk to one on the phone. Read a book.

[love&otherdrugs]

Do something to get your mind off things. Anything to stimulate your mind; a walk in a park is nice and peaceful but you will still think of him. Watch a movie or play a video game. Go out with friends or talk to one on the phone. Read a book.

Hey Rip! Your advice from my first post was MUCH appreciated. I mean I know I'm still struggling, but I'd say I'm making progress, right? Haha I'm no longer trying to get him back or asking "why" he did this, I just want to not think about him or miss him anymore, since he's not feeling those emotions toward me.

I think you're absolutely right. I learned the hard way that something peaceful is a terrible idea! I tried to just go bike riding, and that failed miserably. It seems like more and more couples are out publicly cuddling these days as the holidays approach, blah!

I'm going to try learning the guitar, watching movies, and maybe reading a book. My friend actually suggested the book "Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" Apparently it's a self-help book for those who are going through a breakup after being in love for the first time. I'm a little wary, as I don't really read self-help books, but this one is written by a psychologist. Think it might be worth a shot? Or should I try to stick with something that's completely unrelated to the breakup?

[smackie9]

Delete all your contacts with him. Block all emails and numbers, shut down your FB account for a week or two. Find something to do away from the computer.

[love&otherdrugs]

Delete all your contacts with him. Block all emails and numbers, shut down your FB account for a week or two. Find something to do away from the computer.

I have deleted all contacts, and I just recently blocked his email and numbers :-)

Unfortunately in my line of work, I can't shut down my FB account. I work as a social media coordinator, so my work IS on Facebook, and it IS on the computer. That's why I need advice for what to do while I'm on my work's Facebook, doing my job, and am tempted to scroll over to his name and take a peek. It's so tempting, and it's a complete bummer that I can't avoid it... maybe blocking him through my work's account, as well?

[love&otherdrugs]

I blocked him on my work's account, as well. I don't think they'd mind... it's not like he's their employee or anything.

[RipVanWinkleX]

I had to go back and find your old topic just to remind myself on what I said lol. I didn't say much, my advice was to move on which is much harder then it sounds. You are right, being alone during a certain time of the season sucks. I have already past the point where I can go out and walk and not think about my ex, but I hate to do it alone. It rains almost everyday here, but I enjoy the rain. I walk in the rain alone just to see the sights, I enjoy it but I also want to be with someone who would enjoy it as well.

But, I don't think that book would be good for you IMO. You are right, reading that book will keep reminding you of him and your problem. And it sucks you use FB for work. I would never do that, I keep mine for family only.

[love&otherdrugs]

I had to go back and find your old topic just to remind myself on what I said lol. I didn't say much, my advice was to move on which is much harder then it sounds. You are right, being alone during a certain time of the season sucks. I have already past the point where I can go out and walk and not think about my ex, but I hate to do it alone. It rains almost everyday here, but I enjoy the rain. I walk in the rain alone just to see the sights, I enjoy it but I also want to be with someone who would enjoy it as well.

But, I don't think that book would be good for you IMO. You are right, reading that book will keep reminding you of him and your problem. And it sucks you use FB for work. I would never do that, I keep mine for family only.

Well I have a separate account that I use for work, but since I work in social media, I am required through my job to "like" each business page we are correlated with, and keep a watch over the content that is being posted. It's all about networking and engaging the audience. So yeah, unfortunately I can't delete that. Besides, my family would be pretty bummed, since I'm in TX most of the year and they're in CA, FB is one of the biggest ways they keep in touch with me and see pics/video of what I'm up to.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be with someone who would enjoy it as well. That's a big problem for me, and I'm currently trying to learn how to be "Ok" being alone. I think that's my overall problem with this breakup: I don't know how to be alone, I'm uncomfortable being by myself.

I think you're right about the book, it would just remind me about him and my problem I'm going through. Maybe I'll find a good mystery novel or something :-)

[RipVanWinkleX]

Yea, it's going to be hard and long. Took me a long time to get over my ex, and even then there are still old memory's.

[love&otherdrugs]

Yea, it's going to be hard and long. Took me a long time to get over my ex, and even then there are still old memory's.

Yeah, unfortunately it doesn't seem like an overnight thing. (Don't you wish they had a pill for that? Haha)

WELL, I went 26 hrs without snooping. Baby steps... it's the first time I've gone a full day. Now, let's double that up :-) (Or triple, quadruple... ya know.) I think I'm going to post a list on here of all the reasons NOT to check up. Is that allowed?

[RipVanWinkleX]

Yeah, unfortunately it doesn't seem like an overnight thing. (Don't you wish they had a pill for that? Haha)

WELL, I went 26 hrs without snooping. Baby steps... it's the first time I've gone a full day. Now, let's double that up :-) (Or triple, quadruple... ya know.) I think I'm going to post a list on here of all the reasons NOT to check up. Is that allowed?

The more time you spend here, the less time you are contacting him

[smackie9]

Yeah, unfortunately it doesn't seem like an overnight thing. (Don't you wish they had a pill for that? Haha)

WELL, I went 26 hrs without snooping. Baby steps... it's the first time I've gone a full day. Now, let's double that up :-) (Or triple, quadruple... ya know.) I think I'm going to post a list on here of all the reasons NOT to check up. Is that allowed?

Sure why not?

[love&otherdrugs]

The more time you spend here, the less time you are contacting him

You're very right... I have definitely made a few posts on the "Post here instead of contacting your ex!" forum.

I caved when I went to re-block him on my work account today (it had been 48 hours since it had been unblocked... apparently Facebook has a rule against that now? Ugh. So, I went to re-block him as his name/picture kept popping up whenever I'd simply type "J" into the search box. As I did, his latest status was at the forefront, and it made me mad, it just confirmed that THIS is why I AM blocking him. This is why I'm moving on, because no one, especially me, needs to see and read his cryptic statuses and weird social-networking outbursts. I blocked him this morning, and haven't tried to check up the whole rest of today. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit/compulsion, and I've got about 19 left visiting family in CA. Hopefully I can keep myself busy enough.

I try not to be TOO hard on myself when I crack, but I really need to try to have a stronger willpower. Oh well, I have done well so far today after blocking him. Tomorrow will be harder, but I KNOW he won't say anything of value to me or that would make me happy. No more excuses, only healing.

[love&otherdrugs]

Sure why not?

I'm going to do it RIGHT NOW. I need to be able to have something in typing that I can resort to when I feel the weakness of my curiosity!

[basilandthyme]

I'm confused. Why are you blocking him instead of deleting him from FB?

I understand that your work is social media, but surely that wouldn't require you to have access to his personal info.